Punya malu

Semalam before sailing to dreamland...aku ada acara curhat with my soulmate. We talked & talked all night. I guess it was more to evaluation & assessment. Topic was mainly of the incident that recently happened to me.

*ducking my face into the mud*

Soulmate criticized my extremely childish & obviously ungrateful being. Venting out my anger at the lady who managed to run away after hitting my car...shall be done as it ought to be. Marah tanpa sempadan regardless no curse nor swear words involved; proved I still can't accept His qada' & qadar.

Dari sibuk sesakkan otak fikir benda yang sudah jadi; baik buat benda yang bawa manfaat. Yang boleh bagi 'buah manis' untuk bekalan nanti. Ini, mencanang sana sini as if it's the end of the world. Siap asah idea baik punya untuk revenge. Harus si Laknat menari gumbira time aku lupa diri; lupa keadaan; lupa alam sekeliling tu. Macamlah kesan calar & geseran tu boleh bunuh kau. Dusyum. Malu sama soulmate. Alhamdulillah dia ambil masa untuk menimbang baik buruk keadaan & the consequences of each action I will take.

Meeting a close friend for lunch yesterday awakened me as well. Words she uttered stroke me like lightning. Her advices enlightened my soul. And from that moment, I can't stop but to ask myself why do I have to act like a total jerk about the hit & run. sigh I am glad she hammered me right on time.

It is ok for me to feel disappointed & somehow depress. But it shouldn't be dragged for days. A'ah...that is so not right! I shall not by any means; prolong the situation. Making it worst bit by bit. Inviting people close to me to share the negative aura I was embracing. Or was it more to forcing & influencing them?

I am reminding myself every second now; especially when the thought of wanting to flare the Rush Lady invade the peaceful mind. "Terima apa yang jadi dengan rela". And there is no such thing as retaliate or revenge; erase the desire to do so & I will walk my life pink-ly.

Sebaik² Pemberi Pengajaran hanya Dia. Aku tidak punya hak itu...kerana hak itu milik Dia.

p/s Drama is what I do best. But this time, I had take it farthest enough to make me forgot that every little thing happened is always a blessing in disguise. That is His promise I shall never let slip out of my mind again.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

I will haunt u!!!

Last night...I spent my whole night watching Kangen for the 2^nd time. Still cry my eyes out just like when I watched it for the 1^st time. Proceeded to Cinta Pertama right after I finished the first movie. Another film that nearly ejected my eyeballs off the socket. Do they really need to be that good? Jiwa menahan sedu sedan. Sobbed like I just loss someone dearly. *knock on wood*

I was at UMS Security office this morning. Lodging a report regarding the hit & run incident yesterday. But alas, nothing could be done apart from taking report & informing their patrol unit to track down the vehicle. Plate number wasn't registered for the university's sticker hence there's no record of the car nor the owner existed.

But being headstrong that I am, I didn't give up as yet. I asked for a friend's favour to track the owner's name. Or better; phone number & address using the only source I have. Bingo! Got the name & the address. Called a friend working in this uni & found out the owner is not a student of this uni. So I assumed the lady who drove the car might be the sister. I dig & dig...and finally I got the owner's office number. Better than nothing. I called & turned out the father is the boss. Owner is in Australia at the moment as per the father told me lah.

Princess: Siapa bawa itu kereta kelmarin?

Mr T: Tidak tahu. Itu kereta duduk diam² sana rumah. Mana ada jalan.

Princess: Oh ya ka? Ada 3 orang nampak dia langgar. Saya mahu settle luar...tapi kalau susah sangat mau cakap, saya report polis saja terus ini macam.

Mr T: Oh ada orang nampak ka? Saya pun tidak tahu siapa bawa sebab tiada anak sekolah atau kerja di UMS.

Princess: Tidak apa lah...mungkin itu kereta berjalan sendiri pigi sini lah kan?

Mr T: Tidak apa miss, nanti saya cek tanya siapa bawa. Will get back to u later.

Just for the record...that bloody Silver car's driver is a regular customer at the cafe. One of my worker even remember her face. Not to forget my uncle & I...we both recognized the car. Siapa ndak tinguk kan kalau student drive Rush. Harus ada wow di sana walau tahu itu kereta Fa&Mo. I am certain enough if I saw her *Insya Allah akan*...I will definitely know if she's a regular or not. Boleh pula bapa dia komplot menipu.

I don't really pay my mind to the damages...but I am looking for some honesty & sense of responsibility here. How can u hit someone's car & drove away just like that? Admitting ur mistake won't harm u. Let alone kill u. Please dong, tanam sifat berani kerana benar. Wise people will go out of the car & at least leave a note IF s/he can't find the owner of the car they just hit...but what she did has finally toughen my theory about uni students nowadays.

Ya Rafiq Ya Muiz, aku mohon kemuliaanMu agar segala urusan sempurna dengan redhaMu.

p/s Siapa yang telah bantuin gue dalam quest tadi...makaseh ya. Sayang korang.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Again...sigh!

Had a good sleep last night. Woke up early...feeling oh so fresh. Traffic movement wasn't as bad as yesterday. And I arrived cafe early. Everything went well in the morning. Pink Tuesday.

Came afternoon...my calmness erupted. Invasion by something I don't quite favour. I hate seeing myself venting out my anger. Because horrific is what I look like when I wasn't in the balance zone. Seriously, when the beast in me decided to flaunt itself...it isn't something I am proud of. I dislike the spleenful me. Although I have managed to control the word to blow up...I know I still have a long long long way to go to deal with my anger. Honestly, I tried my best to not fell into a rage.

Therefore, whenever I feel like not in the mood I prefer to be alone. Treat the lunacy with anything that doesn't involve human being. I rather be alone & left unattended when anger sweep me up. Just for my personal record...this month alone, I have outburst twice. At this age I should have full control of it already. But judging from what have happened recently...I guess the big letter L shall now be printed on my forehead. I failed for the zillionth time. Boo hoo.

I think what occurred during lunch ignited the flame. Hence the constant desire of wanting to give vent. Oh yeah, excuses! Darling Fuchy was hit & the culprit left the scene without having any guilty conscience to go out from the car & see what damage was done. Fortunately, no severe dents. Only a few scratches at the left front lamp & defect at it's bonnet. Yet still...that ached my heart! My property! Which I pay every freaking month with 'tears, blood & sweat' a.k.a my bloody salary. 3 witnesses are more than enough to ask the culprit LADY to pay for the damages she caused. I am so gonna haunt her down. Got her plate number; thank goodness. And fact that she's quite a regular customer at the cafe ease me even more. Jangan jak dia ndak ngaku...memang aku garit terus tu RUSH SILVER dia.

Poor Darling...she got scarred in less than a year. Let be lah...thing happened for a reason. From now on, I will park her at a more proper space. Biarlah kena jalan jauh; boleh get rid of the excess fats. Exercising the body early in the morning is a great way in reducing the protruding tummy. Oh yeah, positive thinking harus!

Alhamdulillah all stress loose down soon after I reached home. Looking at the children put me back to reality & make me realize life sucks at times. The happy-O-meter won't always strike the maximum level of happiness. It has to go down once in a while...only to make us appreciate life more. And that for us to always remember life is not a rose bed. Hey, even rose has thorns.

Trillionth thanks to whom it may concern(s) for lending me ur ears. Regardless how insanely absurd I could be when I'm not in the zone; u never left me alone in the mess. Thanks for 'walking' with me.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

yawn yawn yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn

Exhausted to the core. TIPU. Sila tahu itu hanya excuse semata. Am currently in the midst of embracing the mood to watch I-movies. Complete downloading the 2 films below just now. Finally, different set of entertainment apart from couching my ass & sticking my eyes on the black tube. Watching drama series at Fox & AXN channel.

But not tonight. I am so gonna take this opportunity to enhance my Indon slang. Gue suka!

From Bandung with Love (2008)

Hero adalah superb handsome. Saliva dropping sebab harus drama lebey.

"Kalau nggak mau digituin orang...jangan gituin orang"

Kangen (2007)

Skrip menusuk jantung kalbu. Watched part of the movie in youtube. And boy, I was hooked. Hence the decision to get & store it in my HD.

"Di saat kita ngerasa sepi, bintang selalu ada buat kita. Walau siang, ia tetap ada tapi di belahan dunia yang lain. Kerna yang nggak kelihatan, bukan bererti nggak ada"

Alkisah, contents HD semua sudah ke laut hangus sebab crash tu ari. Itu yang beria semangat waja download as many movies as possible. Kdramas & Jdramas nggak ada problemo since cousin; Ezza got them copied into her HD last Dec. Yay, ndak lah kerisauan ndak menentu.

Ok masa untuk buat hot chocolate...perlu ada sebagai teman time tinguk 'wayang' nanti. Will get back to this site later.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Looooving it

Syukran Allah for the great weekend u bestowed upon me. I couldn't asked for more from You. Alhamdulillah.

Mother spent overnight at home...after 2 weeks of 'ignoring' me & the children. Gue dipinggirkan gara² kedai makan. Uhuk.

I haven't seen this face at home for 2 weeks already...glad she decided to come back last night. Uwek rindu.

We had dinner at Homes Cafe & Restaurant, 1 Borneo. Food was ok, same goes to the service. Price-wise too. But I think the management should do some improvement to their food presentation & spruce up their interior . I like the ambience & their deco...yet some betterment is still needed in order to maintain the business.

Prior to dinner, we went to the Parkson Extreme Sale. And boy!! I spent nearly a hundred RM for lingeries alone!!! Read: Plural! Soo much of items on sale, huh. I felt no different at all...sale or no sale; hundred is just too much. Tapi tongol, still proceed to the counter & pay. *dusyum*

No matter what, I love my Sun night to bits. It's been weeks since we last spent time together.

I left home pretty early this morning...drove all the way to KKIA only to meet Ernie & the cheeky Aariz. Ernie & her lil family went back to KK last Weds. Due to workloads & time constraint, I only got to meet them today. Why the airport? Because they'll be leaving for Kolumpur today. The airport is the only perfect place to meet up for now. After so many cancelled meetings & broken promises made by yours truly...I finally get to cuddled him. Salam peluk laga pipi with Ernie & her lil sister; Khairieah juga. It's been a while...eons back.

Oh yeah, exaggerating perlu.

Ernie's lil man.

I think Aariz likes to be surrounded by girls. Erk, girls?

Kakak Err got something for him. A teething toy. The duck has pout just like Aariz.

How can we NOT love him? Look at his cheeky smile. Aariz is a good boy...giggling all the time. And he 'wandered' his eyes at the airport's roof almost all the time...just as curious as her mommy. Mesti dia imagine; apalah tempat yang gedabak besar sangat ni.

Perhaps he is asking himself. Siapalah yang dukung aku ni...tak pernah ku lihat wajahnya.

Mata start kuyu...bukti kukuh Aariz penat & need to rest. Recharge! Nanti on board ada banyak energy & boleh borak sama mommy.

With Khairieah @ Gadik before they made their walk down to the departure hall.

And this evening, I'll be at Jesselton Point with the PPGs. Jessica's burpday it is today & we're going to celebrate her day. Wah March sangat best; ramai orang naik umur. More makan session and more calories consumed; congrats!.

p/s Ernie, I won't forget when I asked u why Aariz is so sweet-smelling...and as spontaneous as I've always known u are, u replied "Because children are sent from heaven", ever. I was indeed kinda surprise with ur answer but couldn't help but to agree with u. And no, itu bukan jawapan mama².

Much love for u & the lil man.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Deceiving Blue Jones

Pic credit to Wikipedia.org

Flick I watched last night.

If u should ask me about my rating for it...I shall go for 2/5. Don't ask me why; u gotta go watch it urself. No, I didn't say it's not worth to watch nor I say I dislike the movie. It's just that in the very beginning, the storyline was kinda bit confusing. Most of the scenes need thorough observation. U have to comprehend each sequence of the moving images in order to get into the story.

As from my point of view, the best part of this flick would be the wise words spoken. They conveyed lots of lessons. Kudos to the script writer for the brilliant idea of words. Through out the movie, I can't help but to plant them in my mind.

Here's are my favoritas.

If u don't stand for something, u WILL fall for everything. *MY MOST FAV*

Your mind can set u free. To reach ur own paradise, u have to LET GO.

What u are imagining right now...that place can be as real as anything.

All in all, I could say Sucker Punch is replete with lessons in life. How to survive...how to endure the trials that is thrown onto our life.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Berkat hari ini

Happy Burpday to my beloved brother;

Radishahrizad bin Hassan

Remember, we turn not older with years but newer each day.

**************************

Woot woot. Ever since I introduced the 'one bottle of plain water a day' campaign to my body, I've been sleeping soundly for nights already. System is currently running the detoxification process I can feel the effects bit by bit. Migraine hasn't visited me for nearly a week; lastest attack was on Friday last week. Syukran.

The bathroom was my most favourite place to visit since I commenced the mission. But, less visitation occurred as I tried hard forcing the body continue consuming. Alhamdulillah. Regardless the flavourless taste...I stick to my mission nonetheless. The doctor said my blood is getting more toxic...not to forget the colour of my urine. It's dingy yellow which indicate 'dirty' contents. Sebelum semua penyakit datang, mencegah kan lebih baik. Ahaks.

I think I'm back getting into my zone. Guess having a good sleep somehow does play role in the system. I judge; see & weigh things more 'human-ly'. Guna akal lebey dari ikut perasaan. I tend to think hundred times before saying something that could besmirch my already not so good reputation. Swearing or cursing shall be banned forever. Insya Allah.

Sila teruskan usaha ya Bie.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Cheer up la weiii!

These past few days...I chose to place myself in a pretty complicated roller coaster ride. Whirler! And up to this moment, I am still wondering what caused me to opt for such decision. Do I really enjoyed that kind of ride? Or was I left with no options? At situation as such I know no one shall be blame but myself.

Rarifying simple things will never be the right way to deal with my daily problems. But still, I ended up picking the same path over & over again. Reminiscing the past shouldn't rendered so much questions & 'illness' only IF I could hold myself up from dwelling. And become so melancholy.

I hope I could treat myself a bit better. Show some mercy to the overwork brain. Chill & understand the real meaning of relax.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Lahirnya Nor...

Ucapan nan lambat sehari untuk sahabat susah senang gue.

Norasiah Najal

Yang bakal bergelar puan in few months to come. Yang bakal dinobat Science Officer cum tukang jaga mesin paling devoted di UM*S.

Selamat Ulang Tahun yang ke DuaPuluhSembilan. Another year before u hold the big-three-zero number. Yang pasti, harus kau akan sentiasa naik umur duluan dari aku.

To keep the heart unwrinkled; to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent...that is to triumph over old age. ~credit to Thomas Bailey Aldrich~

Birthday lady. We had dinner at Suria Sabah & she got to choose the place to dine. Punyala taste dia tu dari dulu memang gitu.

Moi & the celebrated lady.

With Mel whom age increased a level days before Nor.

Taste Nor...Malay food yang memang sangat typical. Kami pun menurut perintah because it's her night.

2 layered tea yang sedap extreme. I can still taste the tea & it's layer up to this moment. Yay!

Ok that's it for now. Gue malas gaban menaip. Malas gaban mau share cerita.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Urmmm Urmmmm

"I'm sorry for the way I let go

Of everything I wanted when you came along

But I am never beaten, broken nor defeated

I know next to you is NOT where I belong

And it's a little too late for any explanations

There isn't anything you can do..."

Been humming this song since the past hour. Sheila on 7; Dan was the song I listened over & over again since morning. Came afternoon, mood changed right after I received a rather disturbing text from someone I didn't expect will ever contacted me again. After what happened & what's been said & told...I don't favor the term 'us' any longer. Enough is enough; I have everything under control now.

Things are flowing quite my way currently...why do u need to stir up that calmness? Do u really need to be that viscous? sigh sigh sigh what u said or did is utterly annoying! U were supposed to vanish & never to be seen nor heard. Because darling; ur presence contaminate my brisk environment.

Just found out that u finally discovered the existence of this blog. Thanks to the big-mouth friend of urs. And for ur effort to track me in the virtual world. I'm sure u must be proud upon reading few of my posts about u. But hey; I am just being me. Fret not, I have stopped writing stories about u & me. There's no other thing to write about anymore...and I dislike the unfair game u introduced to me.

Because darling; I don't compete with someone incompatible. Opps.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Scrub

Ohooo since it's raining...

and the Astro is currently off service due to bad weather; watching movie online takes my stress level up several notches because I can't stand the super slow streaming; external HD that stored all my favorite Kdramas went kaput & just been formatted so yeah everything were literally destroyed; can't watch the 9-in-1 DVD I just borrowed from a friend because I have the very selective player it can only read original disc; YES ORIGINAL...budget tuan dia kaya raya hanya mampu beli yang tulen?? Hampas!!!

Mother's not home. And yes, that means I'm home alone again. Its been nearly a week already. I planned to catch up the sunset with cousins but the pouring tells me to just stay at home...and relished my boring Sunday evening here.

HENCE I decided to spend a lil bit more time in the shower just now. Close friends know how lil time I take to shower. 20 minutes in the bathroom is too long for me unless I have some 'investment' to make. But not today. I decided to pamper the body during shower. Having my own spa moment; body scrubbing! And triple yay for that brilliant idea of mine. I felt so much chipper. And I am loving the smell of my skin. I wanna eat me!

Ahaks. The shower scrub is formulated with C.H.O.C.O.L.A.T.E!!!!!!! That is why I wanna chew my skin...it is so smooth. Like; I've just been polished! It says WHITENING aight? Siap kalau aku masih gelap gelita lepas ni.

I used to spend time doing this with mother. Sesi berurut bergilir² with her on the weekend. But ever since mother spends most of her time at the restaurant nowadays, we did that less often. Crap, this year belum pun ada sesi ramah mesra itu. No, wait...we had that moment when we were in Bali last month. Hmmm nasib!

Am making chicken porridge for dinner. Sebab gas di rumah sudah habis; aku malas mau call Pacik Gas suruh hantar gas...therefore I decided to use the rice cooker instead. Riiiiight...aku memang pemalas gaban! Kalau ada gas harus aku masak lauk sampingan kan? Jadi kira ada hikmah penyakit malas ni datang sekarang. Wachaaaa!

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Bingai biar betul johan!

So after few postponed & cancelled dates with the TM* technician because no one was home to monitor his work. He finally managed to come over to my house yesterday afternoon since a friend of mine was at home. He fixed the twisted landline internal wires & my internet connection is back to functioning. He told me that the twisted cables/wires was the cause I couldn't get online for nearly 1 bloody month! Obviously I pay my bill for something I didn't get to use. Before going to the cafe, I will stop by at TMPoint* to ask for rebate tomorrow. The best I could do to calm my roiling heart.

Oh by the way, something tickled yerterday. And at the same time annoyed me pretty bit. Read my conversation with the technician via texts below.

Mr Tech: Miss, tu wire semua twisted. Mau tukar & reconfigure tu internet. Cost RM180.

Princess: Adui mahal. Tiada discount kah bos?

Mr Tech: Bah Rm150 lah.

Princess: Still mahal. And it's not my fault the wires got twisted. I never kacau or even touch them.

Mr Tech: Jadi how lah this?

Princess: Hmm nevermind lah that. I will terminate the connection terus. No use to pay for something yang selalu rosak.

*******************************

And few secs later, the friend at home called.

Ms. A: So how? U want to proceed fixing or just leave it.

Princess: Biarlah tu. Mahal. Rm150 for ridiculous thing.

Ms. A: Aik he told me it only cost Rm80.

Princess: But he said to me Rm150 bah just now.

Ms. A: *double check with Mr. Tech* Ur bloody-fool technician said RM80.

Princess: Behhhhh taik kucing ayam. Ask him to continue lah. Then before he goes home, make sure ko duku & timbak lolo* dia.

Ms. A: Hahaha. Stupid kan. Ntah apa motif mau menipu. Ketara mau kaut untung lebih.

*******************************

ugh Kenapalah bingai sangat?!!? Sah lah kawan tu memang stay rumah aku. Sahlah she will call & we definitely would talk about the cost. Mau duit kopi lebey biarlah buat sehabis baik. Aduiii. Ilmu menipu belum master berabis lah kali ni. Kin rusak imej technician jak tau.

Thanks for fixing my line nonetheless. I am happy the connection is back & laju giler. Paksa fikir 2 kali mau terminate or ndak. Celcom's internet line could be such a great pain in the ass sometimes. Loading a single page can take up to 10 minutes to complete!

Fikir & fikir lagi...decide wisely Bie. To save or to waste?? Hmmmm.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Dedication

Just came back from a dinner cum movie date with my most loyal & lovely companions; Ms. Laura & Miss Imelda. It was a treat for Mel's 29^th birthday. Had dinner at SR & later watched World Invasion. One helluva evening for me. Destress moment with them is always the best.
Considering it's already late...and I need to hit the sack just about yet; I'll just let the pictures below do the talking. Like I always do when I am out of words to scribble. Or sometimes when I'm not in the mood to write much. This time; it's about me saving time. I should hit the sack already but being me...dragging time has become part of myself. Harus sebar share yang buat gue happy.
This was taken when Maya & mommy visited moi at the cafe in the afternoon.
And we had lunch together.
Later in the evening, headed to 1 Borneo for dates mentioned earlier. Image: My all-time fav, ice chocolate with whipped cream. Heaven!
Menu for dinner. Shepherd Pie for moi. Puasa alergik aku memang yangyuk.
Yang diraihkan. Bz looking at the menu & didn't realized I was clicking her since the moment we arrived. Tinguk menu ka dalam diam pikir bingung umur sudah naik tangga? Ahaks.
With Kakak Besar whom; obviously has hit the 'another year to golden age' way earlier than us.
Both kakak besar(s).
Brownies super duper sedap. Can I have another one; like now? Laperrr! Ginilah kalau perut tembolok gajah. Macam ada harimau tinggal dalam.
And lastly before I click the publish post tab; here's for u.
Miss Imelda Vanessa GeorgeHappy 29^th birthday darling. Remember, a birthday is just the first day of another 365 days of a journey around the sun. I hope u will enjoyed ur trip. Thanks for the friendship. And I love u!
x0x0hugs*kisses

Marah ke weii.

And FINALLY...the rise up of the beast in me. Without being summon! I seriously thought I have buried it deep down. But what happened this afternoon had proved me wrong! After years of not letting the anger to control my mind...all shits break loose just now. sigh sigh if someone captured me on video, I am so gonna watch it. Biar kau tinguk muka kau huduh sekali time marah cik Err.

Back then, I preferred to just let the anger deal with my things. Explanation comes second...and regret has always been in the last place. Words couldn't really tell how awful the beast side of mine. As the age increases, I slowly tried to change that narcissistic being. Buruk wei umur sudah meningkat, perangai masih takuk lama. Paling penting aku ndak mau buat ECG or whatever tests anymore; gara² hypertension. Oh yeah, I've been in that stage where doctor got to bombard me adviced me to 'chew' one thing at a time. Also to stop oppressing the brain.

And for nearly 2 years, I really thought I succeeded in keeping it in a tight vault. Well, not until just now I guess. Fortunately, while discharging the anger...brain was still in good function. Alhamdulillah. It repeatedly reminding me to not swear nor curse. Let go whatever things that u dissatisfied with...but NEVER say something that besmirch ur image, ever. Please remember Miss Err, sangat huduh gaban bila bertudung tapi mencarut serupa orang tiada agama!!!

Walau aku create drama sebabak tadi...orang keliling jadi audience paling langsung...I am proud with what I did. At least diorang tahu, yang datang bertanya itu tidak tahu & perlu diberitahu. Kalau kami tahu, maka tiadalah kami bertanya. Jawab ikut sedap rasa...uncivilized ka?

Princess: Erk, jadi macam mana tu ah. Kalau itu expired, apa saya perlu buat.

Mr DumDum: *mata mengerling cerita Sinetron di belakang aku* Ai mana saya tahu. Siapa suruh kamu hantar lambat. Itu masalah kamu lah.

Princess: *maka bermula lah alkisah letupan sipi² bom yang sudah bertahun ndak tunjuk rupa*

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Detoxify

No wonder page loading menggila...upload gambar rasa macam mau reverse pigi zaman Neolitik balik...pastu page crash ntah berapa kali. Itu belum campur tiba² jak Mr. Sam or Miss Asus hang. And suddenly keluar message "Page cannot be displayed due to bla bla bla".

Rupanya mukabuku was in the midst of upgrading their system. Hampas kelapa. Without prior warning; suka² jak buat orang jiwa ndak keruan. Latest upgraded section that I noticed is the comment box. One shall not need to click the 'reply' nor 'comment' tab anymore. An 'enter' would publish ur comment directly. Uhuk. I can't help but to think of Grunge who likes commenting in a paragraph style.

Anyway, I am on a mission beginning yesterday. That is to finish at least a bottle of the 'thing' below in one day. I've been worried about the amount of toxin I've accumulated in the body. Oh yeah, RISAU. Restless is the state where the body enjoyed being at the moment. Regardless how exhausted or tired I might be during the day...I found it's rather hard for me to put myself to sleep at night. Walau aku ngantuk gaban. I am more than aware that my body is in a dire need of water. Loads & loads of it is required in order to maintain the body stability also to balance the hormone level in the system.

Gambate Bibie-chan. U can do it. Put ur I don't drink PLAIN WATER because it has no taste & it's colourless of a tongol statement aside. Yay bikin geli ah.

Just so u know, I hopped onto the bed at 11pm last night. Yet I only got to shut my eyes completely; at 430am!!! Woke up an hour later for SuPra. And failed sailing back to dreamland after. My staffs started to notice the swollen blackish eye bags already. What tickled me was when they told me what they thought. According to them, I was lack of sleep mainly because of '[pthe incident that hit my life recently. OMG, of all things that occurred why do they think that would affect my life the most. Oh c'mon dong. Gue sudah lepas fasa itu.

I've said this thousand of times already. Thing that is not meant for me; will never be mine no matter how hard I try to keep it close. Life has to move on. There are plenty of important things that need more of my attention. I was in a state of despair for days; that I admit. But that has long passed by. I've left it somewhere far behind only to never want to go & look back at it. Thing happened for a reason & I have learned to accept what Allah has plan for me. Insya Allah...all in good times. Faith is the only thing that keep one's sanity dearly. Hence, never let go faith despite how rocky the ground u're walking upon.

On another different story...I stopped by at the clinic on my way back from work just now. Red spots around my neck are getting worst. And itchier!!! Allergic is the only word to explain. From only a 5cents size of a spot...they spread & ramified. Sekarang serupa kolam bintik bintat merah. Sangat huduh. Sangat euww. And I was given a cream to apply on the reddish itchy nak mampus area.

Nama ndak boleh lagi gerun. Kokot / Cocort in Kadazan means gigit/bite. Ugh aku telah disaiko. I love the smell of the cream. Bau ubat²an hospital gitu. The only thing that I dislike for now; is the fact that I haven't stop scratching ever since I applied it on. Gatal Ya Rabbi. And the infected area has became a bit sloppy. Ntah lah. Memang gitu kali cara tu ubat bertindak. Tapi sumpah; gatal! Like; can I just take the skin off? And scratch & scratch & scratch. Or can I request for a new skin change. Phew.

Seafood...meat...chicken...egg...nuts bla bla are so prohibited to enter my system for now. Sila percaya. Gue akan puasa dari makan benda² pencetus si alergik. And will resume once the skin is back to normal. Harus jadi ndak sedar diri!

Considering I am so much deprive of a good sleep, I think hitting the sack when the eyelids are too heavy to lift up is the best time. Will report about the cream's effect on the itchy area tomorrow. Like; perlukah?

Lastly; to kakak besar please do take care of urself. And never let the getek virus of urs contaminate me. Take care of what u eat & also what WE will feed on as well. Please bear in mind; penyakit cantik ONLY attack people like moi. Kau kena yang serpihan jak. Ngeh.

And to adik kecil kiut miut...be patient for Allah loves who waits in patience. Yakinlah, Dia ada rencana lebih hijau untuk kau. I might not be a good advicer regarding this matter...yet all I could do is listen. I hope by doing so will help u reduce the burden u have to carry alone on ur shoulders. I love u nonetheless. Anything u feel like sharing; u know where to find me.

Siap sudah pesanan ringkas. Daaaa.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Masking the face

Sakit kepala tahap gaban since early this morning. Too much fats permeated into the system...too slow a metabolism...hasilnya harus kepala berpusing paling maksima. It's like the head is gonna explode anytime. Panas terik dunia stressed the already painful headache even more.

Lucky enough cafe is less crowded today. Still; I was pretty occupied with workload...fail meja perlu diupdate. And few things need to settle asap. Alhamdulillah, I managed to complete everything before evening.

Had nasi kerabu + fried chicken + wantan soup for breaking of fast just now. Oh yeah, menu amat heavy kepala mematuk² macam ular lepas makan tadi. With God's willing, I plan to fast more often after this. Too much eating activities lead to bulging tummy. Fasting is the most appropriate answer to such 'disease'. Banyak faedah comes with fasting. One of them is gaining the opportunity to detoxify the system. Too much carbs & fats don't do good to the body. Nanti ndak pasal² aku tua sebelum waktu. Sakit itu sakit ini...lenguh itu lenguh ini...cramp itu cramp ini. Even now pun sudah tunjuk ciri² macam nenek tua kurang berdaya. Lambat sikit tidur, harus badan lemah gemalai tulang rasa rapuh mau patah.

I applied the face mask when I started typing this post. And since it's already dried...I have to peel it off before the skin becomes too strained. Ada karang kuyak kulit bila aku senyum. Waklu auta mau pingsan. I'm currently sticking myself to Garnier because I was mainly attracted by the word 'light' written on it's packaging. Gue pengguna tegar! Furthermore, the mask is said to help remove impurities & dead skin cells which darken the complexion. I have a pretty uneven tone skin. Therefore; removal of whatever that cause complexion is definitely of my interest. Muka berbelak adalah tidak menawan.

Ok then, I seriously have to take the dried-mask off. And will hit the sack right after that. Till we meet again...sayonara.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Makan itu nikmat

Makan ndak hengat since yesterday. Perut sudah tinggi dari dada. Tahniah paling berabis untuk kau wahai cik Err. Yesterday breakfast aku melantak macam orang yang ndak kan makan setahun. Walhal lupa diri, that very afternoon I have wedding event to attend. Azam untuk ndak makan di majlis tu haruslah ke laut. What else shall I do bila makanan super sedap terhidang depan mata?

Sila ignore the bulging tummy. Makan itu nikmat. Oh yeah!

Skipped dinner last night sebab perut sudah kembung tahap dewa. Also tonight. Because I had super uber extreme brunch just now. Bunuh diri!

Mother stayed at the kedai since last Sun. She went back home last night. Because it's been a while since I last cooked for her hence I decided to make lunch. Makan bersama. Dapur sudah lama kering ndak berasap. Kira hari ini cipta rekod.

First; dapat makan sama si ibu. Second; lepas gian memasak. And paling haru mencabar; aktiviti penambahan nasi berulang ulang. Rasa mau duku kepala sendiri bila diimbas tabiat makan aku. Perlu di-evaluate berkali² ni tau. Ndak lama memang betul aku jadi tong drum. Haru sekali bila tiba saat mau dapat balik berat badan idaman. Gila sia² diet no-rice aku last year. Usaha gagal kerana hawa nafsu dilayan terlebey.

Uhuk...I have stop counting the amount of cals & fats absorbed.

Tomorrow I'll settle my nazar; Insya Allah. Perut akan rehat dari pesta makan. Jangan jak time berbuka tu aku melantak ndak hengat. I really need to adjust my eating habit. Also reset the mind.

And yeah, movie session with the family last night turned out a bit sayur pahit for me. I don't really get to enjoyed the movie although I love history-based movie. Perhaps, I was just too worn out I couldn't get the mind to focus on the movie. Totally a bummer!

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Lost & Found

CAFE PLAYED HIDE & SEEK

Zap!! Youngest child of mine went missing last night. Fact that I only realized he's not at home when I was about to hit the sack...worried me even more. Ini rasa lebey sakit dari hilang chenta hati ok. Gila rabak hati berlubang jantung bila hujan turun. I can't help but to think where is he going to sleep. Sudah lah sejuk...grrr. Cafe is my most loyal bedmate apart from Cheeloh. So, when I entered my room last night...I sensed something wasn't right as I didn't see anyone on the bed. Because Cafe always make his move ahead of me to the bedroom. Dia memang tau bila aku mau masuk tidur. He'll wait for me on the bed...and will start calling & bubbling when he gets bored waiting.

Went to bed at 3am after nearly an hour searching for him around the apartment area. I went to bed with so much in mind. Jiwa macam ada lohong. I didn't cry a tear because deep in me...I have this weird sense that he's not going anywhere. He's going to be home anytime...gila confident he'll be found in the morning.

Praise be to Allah...right after SuPra, upon hearing a loud sounds of cats fighting I rushed down to the parking lot. Dengan baju compang camping, tudung hampas ndak terurus. Langsung ndak vogue. And there he was, under my neighbour's car. Hiding from the stray cat whom he fought with earlier. I took nearly 10minutes to persuade him to go out. Siap aku duduk bersila atas jalan tar tu. Syukran Allah for answering my prayer. Pasni wajib bayar puasa nazar. Need to perform it asap as time is not mine to determine. Mati esok or lusa; haru. Masih hutang sama Dia.

THE KAKI WAYANG MOI

Watched this most awaited flick *by me* last week on Fri night. Rating? BOO HOO because it turned out to be something way out of my expectation. Cast away the Bourne's images. This ain't anything like that. Lucky I still love Matt regardless having a total disappointment over his latest movie.

And this; I watched last night. Recommended; compared to the latter. 1 thumb up though as there were few parts that didn't meet my 2 thumbs up prerequisite. For instance; the

actress's expression sangat less convincing from the very beginning. Macam baru belajar tengok camera...and her eyes contact; perlu dibaiki. Wachaaaa. Ok now kau jadi tukang kritik sudah lah, kan Bie.

TODAY'S ACTIVITY

Waiting for Ell to come over & pick me up at the cafe this afternoon. Will be attending the above event with her. Kizzy's sister's solemnization ceremony it is.

Thanks for inviting. Makan dan makan lagi. Harus lah tong drum jadi 2^nd name ndak lama.

And tonight I'll be going to the cinema with the family. Don't have any particular movie to watch as yet. Lil cousins are joining as well & considering almost all the shows are ranked 18; therefore choice of movies are pretty limited for adult like moi.

Janganlah end up tinguk kartun. Nangis darah.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

JK

*Entry emo gaban.*

Ok aku tau adalah tidak logik berperasaan ini. Or paling precise, masih simpan rasa bongok ini. Betul sayur pahit. Rasa mahu tikam dada & take all the uncertainness out.

Perlu ka ada rasa ni? Perlu ka untuk simpan lagi? Memang toyol betul kepala otak aku ni tau.

Truth is, I've been trying my very best and hard to make that thing vanishes. Just when I thought I has successfully make it evaporates...taaadaa; that thing resurface out of no where. Out of anyone's command. ugh ugh ugh.

I know I shouldn't; by any reasons possible...be having nor keeping that thing anymore. I don't deserve another blow; as per Grunge told me this afternoon. And I am not sure myself why do I still have it? Perhaps I tried too hard to let everything go...or maybe I didn't try at all.

How I wish this could be forgotten just by blinking. Adakah ubat untuk buat certain memories disappeared? Makin hari makin banyak pula duri benda yang aku cuba telan ni. Sungguh ndak boleh jadi. Sungguh perlu motivasi lebey. And sungguh perlu stop from whining more.

But to think about it once more...I guess this is what people called the post-menstrual symptom. Unbalance hormone level causes irritable feeling. Hence I become ridiculously tetchy these past few days. Cranky & annoying. Mau makan penampar! Oh yeah teruskan blame the hormone; woman!

Oh please...sila berlalu dengan cepat.

Untuk kau yang bernama RE, sila matikan bayangan anda dari terus memburu. Aku rimas lemas. Fine, salahkan orang lain bila diri sendiri failed control emotion.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Nyepi

Oh yeah, I stick to my favourite character. No worries to that. I am the greatest procrastinator, still. Promised to upload pictures...but ended up delaying everything. Let alone keeping the promise I made to myself. To update on daily basis; that is.

My excuse for now is...the workload at the cafe. We're short of manpower for the time being hence I have to turun padang as well. Ok, that sounded less convincing & no one would ever buy it. Yet, that's the fact u have to swallow lei. I arrive home 8pm daily...and IF I decided to go for a yamcha moment with friends or soul therapy after work I might reach home nearly midnite.

Exhaustion doesn't do good to the system. Brain functioning not so well & can't even command the fingers to scribble. What I need most is rest; to recharge myself as a preparation for another 'battle' the day after. Kunun. Hence the nyepi blog activity for days.

Hope the pictures below will do. I have tons of stories to put in here but due to time constraint, I was forced to put them on hold. Also after few times of reconsidering...I made up my mind finally. That is to keep them to close friends only. Never to be reveal here. Ok sila duku kepala sebab poyo gaban.

Mother & I before the wellspring at Pura Tampak Siring. The view mesmerized me. Subhanallah; cantik banget. I wish I would have taken video of it. Hampas.

Alhamdulillah...mother reached the Tanah Lot. Air pasang so ndak dapat lah berjalan dekat mystical pura tu.

Ok, gotta make my move now. Students start flooding the cafe already. Nanti gue update lebey ya.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Ye kot!

Spending the weekend with catering orders. And movie dates. I am loving my life to the very core. Syukran ya Rabb. The dark phase has passed by...now it's time to celebrate my victory. I have bought something for myself even. It's a gift to me for being able to withstand the obstacles that hit me recently. Injured & wounded; bruises everywhere. But hey; I managed to quell the sorrows.

Went back nearly dusk just now. I am indeed worn out but all sweats worth it. Sleep deprived for days already. And I woke up way too early this morning after hitting the sack only few hours before. I need to go to the pasar besar & pick up the kuehs ordered for the catering. Arrived cafe at 7am & started coordinating since then. All went well & smooth; alhamdulillah. Balik rumah senang hati...penat berbaloi². Planned to go out to watch Sanctum but eyes were too heavy to lift up I decided to just sail right after shower. Only to be awaken 2 hours later by endless phone calls. Sangat kacau daun! Don't u have some mercy on me? I am in dire need of an adequate sleep. And seriously in an overdue sleep-debt to the system. Ntah bila dapat bayar hutang tidur tu. Tiap kali belayar, mesti ada gangguan nan pasti.

Anyways, I did make a promise to upload pictures from my recent holiday trip with mother. Right? Ok, since I can already get online through the lappy...I'll upload them soon I got the pictures organized. Beratus Banyak kot kalau nak upload sume. And also few pictures gurau senda penyedap mata pemenuh ruang blog. Wachaaa!

Cheerful face before boarding. Because I arrived & checked in few hours prior. Unlike last time...uhuk; kisah hati terpaksa jadi kering .

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Like...?

Aku geram & marah. Tapi aku ndak tau macam mana mau luah or express ni marah. Writing put my raging temper down to the minimal level.

ugh ugh ugh

This might be karma untuk apa aku buat before ni. Secara sedar or ndak. Biarlah, bumi ni bulat. Berpusing atas paksi. Ada masa kau di atas, ada masa kau di bawah. Selagi aku sedar riak itu sikap si Laknat suka...jadi aku akan shut mulut aku seketat mungkin. Biarlah aku telan yang tajam & busuk itu dari aku dapat murka Allah.

Lepas marah sama dinding lagi bagus...sebab sah tau dinding tu dinding. Kalau lepas marah sama orang yang serupa dinding...harus lagi hati panas membara terbakar.

Allah itu Maha Adil. Ini cuma secebis dugaan, kecil lagi dari biji saga nan merah tu. Aku redha. Bukan biar kepala dipijak or dibuat toy semata...tapi aku serah sama Allah untuk mentadbir. Not my call to do revenge nor jatuhkan hukuman.

Benar...I am bloody mad.

Super Chenta

Hmm aku rasa aku dalam fasa taking over Laura's negative energy into the system. She's not in the pink of health lately. And insomnia is one of the few symptoms of her 'illness' that she has to endure. Biarlah, sekali sekala. Kasi chance dia rehat full blast.

Hopped on to bed at 1130pm...and only managed to sleep around 3am this morning. Lucky I have thing to do & layan diri atas katil last night. Played Sudoku until I completed all levels. Pasni mau download different version pula. And alhamdulillah, I slept soundly till the dawn. SuPra was being waived because bendera merah berkibar kencang. Woke up late; again! This time, I managed to get myself terpacak depan cafe 15 minutes before 9am. Yay, traffic movement super lancar adalah kechentaan gue.

Nothing much happened today. I was being extra nice to myself. I don't wanna stress the system too much. Eyeballs feel like popping out due to lack of sleep. I skipped breakfast, also lunch. Tekak loses it's appetite I guess. I only had 2 pieces of bread for tea. Went back early kunun untuk qada' tidur. Hampas ada. Still wide awake up to this moment though.

Matt Damon's latest movie; The Adjustment Bureau is already out...can't wait to watch it tomorrow evening. Yay another movie(s) date in the weekend. I is like.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Ngeh...akhirnya fresh from the lappy.

Drama berbabak² sebabak on Rabu-day. Oh yeah, kalau hari biasa aku enjoyed menDQkan diri...sila jangan imagine kalau aku DQ disebabkan PMS. Boleh tahan comel kot. Or as per Laura;

"Overly dramatic; that's the daily u. So I never want to imagine when u're PMS-ing".

Like; hello. Perlukah keluar statement kejam?

Alkisah...semalam aku langsung ndak tidur. I don't know what has gone wrong with my system but seriously? Only 3 cups of nescafe is enough to keep me awake. Buntang mata macam kelawar? Aku gagal belayar dengan aman damai. I think I finally managed to sail at 3 o'clock on THIS VERY MORNING...but woke up approximately 20 minutes later! Rasa macam mau makan penampar. ugh. And I proudly went back sailing around 430am. Woke up 5 minutes before 8am...therefore terhasil kejadian melompat macam katak turun katil & lari meluru masuk bathroom to take my shower. I was bloody late for work! I ain't gonna reach cafe in an hour time...itu harus ridiculous. Getting ready to work will probably take 30 minutes...mau merempuh jalan nan ndak berapa jauh lagi. Yet, aku berjaya arrived cafe 10 minutes before 9am. Walawei...mandi express, bersiap express. And drive cermat jiwa selamat, chop!

Because I was sleep deprived...mata harus macam panda. Biar tepek berapa inci foundation nor concealer. Duh; as if u did apply some. And part paling dramatic...I became extra cranky the moment I stepped on the office. Even the simplest thing seems to be too impossible to be accepted. Let alone ignored. I told myself to compress the anger...and just sell show my pinkest smile. Kalau ada. Little did I know that by compressing the anger will only make things even worst. I want to punch & kick everyone that I feel annoyed at; the whole day! Phew. Line phone buat hal; pun satu masalah problemo. Menahan sehabis baik & came afternoon...all hell breaks loose. Aku meroyan sendirian inside the oh-so-chilly office. Well at least, chill enough to cool the flame down. Alhamdullilah.

To turn any remaining flame; off...I decided to hop into the car & just drive away. Boleh jak aku sampai Karambunai tadi. Dada rasa ringan when it's vanishing. Stopped by at mother's place...had lunch there with the bro. Went back to the cafe after. Fuhh! Betul drama semaksima mungkin. Unstable hormone level hit the normal stage soon after I found out menses has started it's cycle. Ndak ka itu bingai sayur pahit? Perempuan oh perempuan...asal ada ndak kena, hormon juga kau blame. Oh so lucky u!

Miss G & Ms. L became my punching bags along the whole topsy-turvy moment. Thanks ladies for willing to swallow whatever things I said & did just now. Told myself many times already; I am indeed surrounded by beautiful angels. For that, I shall reduce my gripe & be more grateful. Ahaks. And I met kakak besar a.k.a si Laura for dinner at Cawan's. It's an evening for a curhat session between the sisters. Poyo!

Great dinner & great companion wrapped my Rabu. Blessed! Dari awal pagi sudah set the mind it's gonna be one helluva day...padan muka.

Note to myself: Sila fikir positif di hari lain regardless how dreadful the day started.

x0x0

hugs*kisses