Entry yang kucar kacir

Few days back I stumbled upon my cousin’s status update in facebook. She said “Kurang sudah ensemboi sekarang”. In which ensemboi stands for handsome maybe good looking boy. I can’t recall the exact line but I am sure that’s her main point.

Teenagers. Macam aku dulu. Dapat yang muka handsome, harus bangga sikit. What’s more kalau sang cowok itu hit carta glamour di sekolah. Gila point bertambah²! Although some might say, rupa paras bukan ukuran. Yeah right. Tapi tipu kalau first impression ndak main peranan. Kau akan rasa bontot kembang lebey sikit saat terdengar bunyi² boyfriend kena puji, kan? And aku guarantee, bila kau introduce boyfriend muka nan ado to ur friends & they went like “Ohh so this is he” dengan muka langsung tiada sirna excited...sila potong semua jari jemari aku IF u say u did feel nothing. Numb as in unresponsive to the feedback. Biasalah, rasa tercabar & sedikit malu. I have to admit, I used to be in that phase before.

As the age increases or u could say as I get older...perception towards men change gradually. I don’t favour the idea “I feel bless & definitely the happiest lass in the world when I dated a handsome guy” any longer. My experiences have taught me more about life. I no longer see men the way I see them years back. In terms of perspective is what I meant.

Handsome good looking men will always attract any women attention. That I never will deny. But look alone ensure nothing to the future. Cuba try test bawa cowok ganteng loh ke mall...pilih² lah barang sebiji dua, later tayang muka cowok itu ke kaunter & brag to the cashier how ‘pretty’ ur boyfriend is. U really think u’re gonna walk out from mall holding the paper bags containing the things u picked earlier? Nah...angan mat jenin adalah kot.

Muka handsome is just a bonus. Duit banyak juga bonus. Semua berguna di dunia jak. Ndak boleh masuk kantung amalan untuk dihitung di akhirat sana. Aku ni bukan dalam kategori baik...jauh sekali mau hit level solehah. And tahu, wanita baik untuk lelaki yang baik.

Oh yeah, aku 'rindu' pasangan hidup yang baik. Mahu lelaki yang baik. And who doesn't? Mahu lelaki yang boleh bentuk aku jadi 'orang'. Yang mahu sama² bercinta kerana Dia. Yang mahu menuju & cinta Pencipta Pemberi Nikmat...instead of falling in love with the nikmat(s) given.

I read from a book I bought sometime ago...untuk dapat yang soleh, bersedialah jadi yang solehah. Sebabnya jelas...seperti aku, lelaki soleh mestilah mahu perempuan yang 'boleh dibuat life partner'. Yang memang ada ciri² tulang rusuk kiri yang hilang itu. Sibuk mencari yang soleh...sedangkan diri terumbang ambing having no intention to change & evolve. Haruslah hampas.

Awal Muharram is approaching soon. Like the previous years, I've set few resolutions for myself. It's more to personal aim & target actually. Tiada kaitan dengan azam ndak mau makan nasi setahun tu ya. Itu azam dunia semata². In the list, still ada few yang sangat jiwa kacau malas gaban untuk dilaksanakan. There's always obstacles & hurdles. Yes, alasan lagiii. Part paling best, keinginan tu kureng untuk tempuhi segala onak duri to achieve what I aim for. Sendiri punya salah ok.

Will try to work harder this time. Untuk tick list yang sudah dibuat. More efforts shall be made. Struggling for something worthwhile not only will make u proud of urself but it's one of the way to present to The Creator your appreciation for His Grace & Mercy. Insya Allah.

My all-time favorite song from Hijjaz.

Never will I be as remarkable a Sumayyah. But her determinations to uphold Islam could be of great example to me. Insya Allah.

x0x0

hugs*kisses