First of all I would like to wish my ex-roommate; back in UniMalaya a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Dzidatul Akmaliah, wish u all happiness & blessing throughout the year. Cepat² dapat anak ye...Bibie nak collect anak buah ni. And I also pray for ur marriage to last until the end of time. Amin.

The UMS* students are on a break this week...hence cafe wasn't as packed as always. Study week kononnya.

I spent half day inside the office...can't stand the heat out there. Lately, migraine attack are pretty often. And hair falls sangat dasyat. Keja aku dalam bilik recently, pungut rambut on the floor. In a week, gumpalan boleh buat sanggul sudah kalau aku kumpul.

Mother suggested that I should go see the doctor...bukan minta² bad thing jadi but it's just a precaution. Sebab selalu sangat migraine. Prevention is better than cure; katanye. Insya Allah, ndak da papa juga bah ni.

This morning, I was talking to a man from my past through YM. Membawa ke petang lah juga. It's great to know I hold no hatred or grudges towards him anymore. Kisah kami boleh buat novel...friends tell me this all the time.

Syiok tau dapat bercerita sama orang yang once was my sweetheart...yang dulu kongsi kasih sayang kononnya. And knows what I like & dislike. Also tau my characters quite well. Jadinya senang mau curhat...I feel like I'm free to tell him anything. Ndak payah sesi control marah or control bahasa or control words I shall utter. Kebebasan bercakap...regardless what the topic is.

And I must give tons of credit to him for not wanting to continue our relationship. Really I am.

Truth to be told; I learned hatfuls of things when I was with him. And I learned more, get more judicious & smarter without him too. I gained loads; to conclude everything.

I'm happy with how he lives his life now. Oh by the way, he's a married man now. Ada son super cutie. Grrr akan berjumpa si kecil tu when I go down to KL next month.

Sangat ketidaksabaran...after years of not seeing him. Yes I do admit I miss him...but that feeling ada boundary ok. I've build it long time ago. Eee dulu adalah kebencian tahap maksimum sama dia. I even build a wall of hate & anger towards him.

But over the years, the wall I once build engulfed everything I felt back then. Yang aku ndak perasan pun semua rasa sakit hati tu sudah lama hilang rupanya. Best ok rasa yang begini...penat bah paksa diri tanam rasa benci tu dulu. Hate wearied the mind & soul. Indeed. Lucky enough, sanity masih setia sama aku until now.

Back then bila that jiwa punah ranap phase took place; aku adalah rasa mau benci seluruh alam. Cursing & swearing were my bestfriends. Dada sakit sebab allowed too many hatred entered the system. Judge orang ikut kata hati more than ikut logic. Hancur.

I'm proud with myself because I managed to pass through that phase albeit it did took years for me to saw the outcomes. Years to realized the consequences of it.

Kenapalah dulu degil betul...padahal bukan ndak belajar pasal agama. Nilah orang bilang, lidah jak melafazkan tapi hati bukan tau apa yang diucapkan. Beriman dengan qada & qadarNya...IF only dari dulu aku benarkan benda ni absorb dalam hati, harus aku ndak rugi banyak benda. I've wasted lots of my times hating him...also trying to convince myself that he's a jerk.

Ended up, hidup sendiri huru hara. I ran away everytime the mind asked me to just accept the fact. I deny things. Phew....memang banyak benda merugikan. Belum lagi campur whining & complaining parts. I used to be such an ungrateful person...sebab ndak pernah bersyukur sama nikmat Nya ok.

No wonder dulu selalu rasa dada sempit...rezeki nan ado. Syukur sekarang ada kesedaran sikit. Alhamdulillah.

Like I said earlier...dulu rasa dunia macam hancur when we broke up, not knowing apa yang bakal aku belajar. But now, aku tau ada hikmah di sebalik semua yang jadi.

Thing happened for a reason...always. Dia Maha Tahu apa yang terbaik untuk hamba Nya...jadi kena terima semua dengan redha.

Insya Allah..