Aku punya lemak

Was at home the whole day yesterday. Taking care of the unwell mother. The doctor we met last Mon advised that mother is entering the beginning phase of menopause. I laughed my heart out as mother told me upon leaving the clinic. Oh kejam...but I find it a bit funny leii. Mother + menopause = Something extremely unimaginable. I just don't think they sync well together.

Mother could barely stand up yesterday. She had to crawl down from her bed & called me from her room. She couldn't reached me at the phone because the brilliant phone went out of batt. Time² macam tu pula buat hal nan pintar. It broke my heart upon hearing her weak voice calling out for my name. Hemo hemo. I helped her bathed. The only task I never did before. Except towards my late grandmother *al-Fatihah*. I hope I will be able to take care of mother regardless her condition may be. It's definitely not gonna be an easy task I know. But being able to look after her after all the sacrifices she's made for me is the least I could do. For I know, I am forever indebted to her. Ok cut the hemo part already. Nanti aku berendam air mata di sini...payah mau berhenti.

Anyways I also managed to do house chores; yang ini memang tugas nan mingguan ya. By evening, gue udah capek tahap gaban. I guess due to excess amount of fat in the system, I feel tired & exhausted oh-so easily these days. Seriously, I need to get myself back together. And work out like; now! This massive expansion brings nothing but distressful feeling. Please don't tell me I look 'normal' when in fact I am far from that. My loosest jeans in the closet is no longer wearable. Let alone the size M dresses & tops. If I still wanna wear them; then I'll be flaunting none other than the multiple drawers formed by my stomach. I have totally forgot how I used to have so strong a willpower about my goal to stay healthy with less lemak tenusu in the system.

Not that I'm being ungrateful with what I 'have' right now nor the number displayed on the weight scale determined who I am. But I see what I 'possessed' right now is so over the top. The most crucial point here is that at this very moment I simply dislike the way I've turned my 'figure'. I despise myself for losing the power to control my appetite. For giving the authority to Mr. Lust to take charge.

Terlebih ikut nafsu nan bingai; harus badan pun tukar jadi bentuk bangang. Blame no one but myself! Sila set mind sekuat jiwa Bie. U know u can do it. Just ignore the 'bad whispers'. Stop paying attention to ur so-called crave for food.

Else, u'll become just like the lady up there before u even reach 35 y.o. Kau ada?

x0x0

hugs*kisses