2 June 2010

Nothing much to do at the office today. I had brunch with Ell just now. It's been a while since we last chit chatted. Banyak juga latest updates of her life. Gossip dielak harus...we like talking about ourselves more. Baru ada manfaat & kemajuan diri kan.

She spoke out about the EmBiEi stuff. Which I have deliberately put aside for months already. Since aunt Ana left us; to be frank. I was so eager to pursue with the idea but when she
went away, its like the dream slowly disappear as well. Gone with wind. I have no further interest to talk about it. Let alone continue acting on with the idea.

Hati ku jadi kering; jadi keras; jadi tegar. Keinginan ku itu seolah mati & terkubur bersama jasadnya.

Bungsu brought up the matter some time after her dismissed...but I left his Q unanswered. I know; he just want to fulfill his wife's wishes. But at that time, I don't feel like wanting to talk about it. Because, my heart bleeds everytime I think about it. One who doesn't understand the place I'm standing at right now would simply say I'm stuck in the denial phase. Say whatever u have in mind...I won't be paying any mind to it anyway.

But when Ell brought up the stuff just now...it hit me hard. It's like she has just jabbed the "Ouh wake up already..." button in my system. Macam kasi amaran that I have to move on with my life. Walau dia tanya dalam keadaan yang not so serious...still I feel like I was striked by lightning. Dalam ketawa minah tu kasi sedar aku. Maybe she didn't know what she has done to me just now. Because being the ever tongol me, I acted
macho cool in front of her. Siap diiringi ketawa lagi walau jantung rasa mau stop beating.

God's willing...I will try to accomplish her dream. That is for me to pursue my master. Sungguh aku rasa berat tanggungjawab ini...terasa betapa berat apa yang ku pikul. Slowly will I walk the walk...apa pun kalau diiringi niat baik akan diperkenan oleh Nya. As long as I stay on the right track & didn't misdirected myself...I know I will ace. So far belum ada planning on when to execute it...insya Allah soon.

I was supposed to meet Laura over lunch at 1pm but Grunge wanna join us. Hence, we changed the plan to 3pm instead. Grunge is currently in Papar, attending a meeting there. Punya lah terpaksa ikat perut menunggu tu sayur pahit habis meeting. And drive back to Sepanggar. Am so gonna kick her ass if she turns up late.

It's raining buckets outside. Alangkah indah dapat melakar mimpi saat ini...aduhai tilam nan empuk, bantal nan lembut, selimut nan tebal. Semua di rumah bah...kin panas.

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