26 November 2012
Weekend passed by too fast I reckoned. I woke up this morning feeling too restless. It’s like weekend drained out my energy.
I've been feeling a bit weary for the past few days; while trying my best ignoring things that bring nothing beneficial to my life. Putting them aside instead of dealing with them had brought me to this phase today. Too big a toll to pay for something I could avoid from the very beginning.
I can’t recall how I ended up standing at this road. Overflowing; caused by swallowing too much of this & that. I nearly vomited all those shits this morning. Alhamdulillah, a voice suddenly awakened me. I was quite surprised how I managed to force myself to suck everything up albeit the bitterness.
Just now, I was about to vent my anger when the voice appeared; warning me to calm down. And keep reminding; I wouldn't like it myself if I were to be the punching bag for something I have no idea about. For something I have no relation whatsoever. With very little energy left, I tried pulling myself together. To not do nor say something I will pretty much regret later. Too many times I’d allowed myself hurting innocent people with my nasty words. For the sake of what I called my uncontrollable anger; just to cover my guilt. Also to justify my immature action.
It only took little thing to ignite the 'not in the zone' mode considering I've been in & out the zone since last month. I succeeded before; pushing the negative feeling away. But definitely NOT today because the system seems to can not handle any longer.
First, it's the airfare difference. Like, for real huh. Airfare difference could change my mood in an instance. Drama enough! And later a message I received from a girlfriend; made me feel even worse. I just can't think straight upon receiving her message. I tried looking for answers but to no avail. I was indeed being too emotional about it. Yet, another message I received from her late in the evening has somehow lightened me up. It took me hours to realize that the hibernation room has opened its door to us. Just that she went there a bit early than me thus explained the sudden drama.
Insya Allah, thing will get back to its right track in no time. I pray we wouldn't spend too much time in the room. There's so many beautiful things in life need to be cherished. Phew, I am one happy lady today. I wrapped my day with a wide smile engraved in my heart. Alhamdulillah, another success in controlling my anger. Another success in managing my drama side.
p/s Serius melampau bingai kan, mengeluh ndak tentu arah. Pening ndak tentu arah. Yang tiada2 bah. Belum kau rasa hidup di Gaza tu Bie oii. Langsung ndak da kesempatan mau fikir itu ini. Sila abai perangai bertabiat bingai kau tu ah. Be grateful already!