Ke-Woot-an

Woot...for the 1^st time since last 2 weeks, dapur gue berasap. I made dinner for MYSELF. Yay!! I am home alone at the moment. Mother is still at the kedai & probably be home by 10pm. Haruslah ndak akan menjamu perut sebab sudah sah kenyang automatik. Ayam sudah pucat lesi; sayur manis yang memang tahan lama pun sudah discolored. Before everything in the refrigerator change color, I better do something. Membazir amalan si laknat; sila beringat senantiasa. Because the veggie is no longer fresh I just threw it in the bin. Karang proceed masak, ada aku pesta diarrhea lagi. Jadi tinggal lah aku dengan menu ayam masak kicap for dinner. Yummmmy.

Fine, mau kestau menu dinner pun haruskah explain nearly 1 paragraph? Penyakit suka bermadah helah ndak ketentuan obviously is hard to take out.

While having dinner just now, Beverly went blackout. Damn, of all times why must when I'm all alone!?! Because of it also, I had 2 rounds of dinner. Menambah nasi without sedar. Blame the blackout please. Yalah kalau 1 round jak, bored pula aku because I have zero entertainment. Hence, I toyed with the tummy's need instead. Alasan harus baik punye weii. *burp* Alhamdulillah si gendut kenyang.

Electric's back 10 minutes ago...and I am now indulging in my hot coffee. Lepas heavy meal harus ada penutup acara. And nothing beats the aroma of a coffee to compliment tuan badan for making the great meal. Diet ke laut; terima hakikat itu.

On another note. Muscles started to ache due to kerja keras since early this month. Nose getting itchier; I've been sneezing since last night. Stuffy nose = husky voice = sexy! I likey & anticipating it oh so eagerly. I think I'm going to pay the Inai/Makcik/Aunty in Kg. Minintod a visit for a traditional massage session. Laura adalah pemandu pelancong gue nanti. Urut itu bagus untuk melancarkan apa jak yang ndak lancar. And oh also kendurkan urat² yang senantiasa tegang. Sekian. *boleh vomit now*

Next week cafe akan sunyi sepi. The students will be on a CNY break for a week. Sudah kureng orang, mungkin Mr. JP pun akan kureng tunjuk muka. Pat on his back IF aktiviti berpura² melepak masih diteruskan. Yang itu perlu diselidik more next week. Just wait & see. Woot.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Golden Award goes to....

Thanks to Kizzy; Gadis Orenj for the award. It's been eons since I received the last one. And as the normal tradition goes...there are Qs need to answer. So here goes.

1. How long have u been blogging?

- Almost 6 years now (I first post my very first entry in July, 2005). Started with friendster blog & later to blogspot. I have privatized my first blog with blogspot domain though.

2. What is ur purpose of making a blog?

- I got influenced by a friend when I first started my blog in friendster. And later, my blog became a medium where I share almost everything & anything. Including some personal stories. It has become my most trustful friend ever since I started scribbling. It always willing to swallow whatever things I poured on it.

3. Who inspired u so that ur blog becoming like now? *gila ayat direct translation*

- I was inspired by many bloggers. But Ms. Yusleny played the biggest role in introducing me to the blogger world. Thanks mucho darling.

4. Make a post about the award.

-Done

5. Send this award to 4 other bloggers. Aiyak, can I give to more than 4?

1. Ms. Yusleny Pohan - U're my ultimate guru. Thanks for being such an inspirer.

2. Ms. Dana Wazani - Friend since primary although never gotten really close to u; but I somehow know certain sides of u through ur blog. Thanks for sharing.

3. Miss Heldah Galambun - The one who shared almost every feeling I have. Words couldn't describe how grateful I am to have her in my life. xxxx

4. Ms. Yang Zaiti Hanafi - Ur love story harus buat novel. Aku chenta the way it works. I know it ain't roses along the way; but the wounds & scars & bruises are all worth the journey.

Bloggers above are all wonderful-fabulous wives/wife-to-be & mothers/moms-to-be. Juggling between family-personal-work is really not an easy task. I don't think I can fit in any of their shoes at the moment. Walau selalu berangan mahu buat rumah&tangga secepat mungkin. Ahaks!

p/s To those I didn't tag...sila jangan mengaus/merajuk. U ladies are still the best di mata gue.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Gue tukar profesion

Ok just now I feel like laughing & rolling on the floor. How could a guy be that shy? 3x sudah mamat tu keluar masuk kunun untuk berasap...tapi kepala melilau cari bayang. Ohoo aku pun jadi si pemburu bayang automatically. Together we strive to be the best 'stalker'. Pity Mr. JP; balik² keluar berasap ndak lama jantung makin bertar. Gue bukan menyumpah, ini realiti dunia medik. Gituuu.

The windy & breezy weather make me sleepy. It feels like I'm on a cradle...the air sounded like a lullaby to me. Oh how I wish I was at home, boleh jak membongkang.

Something came up at the cafe spoilt my great mood. Fine, I allowed them to controlled my emotion. I'm in the midst of my PMS therefore even the simplest thing means huge to me. And trigger the anger to flame. I'm trying so hard to ignore the angst & so far I've succeeded. Silence is the best treatment for me at the moment. I fear I'll vomit fire if I were to speak more about the things. Ugh pemusnah bahagia betul.

Calling for Mr. JP...calling for Mamat Shy, sila keluar for the 4th time please...only to switch my mood back. Ahaks gatal maksima di situ. I ain't need anything or anyone to cheer me up. Sudah pun ok after few minutes of deep breathe. Seksanya tahan marah, tahan geram. Macam mau cekik diri sendiri.

X0X0
hugs*kisses

Hooo Yeah

It's a bit late but I'm indeed satisfied. Counting more times to be in the battle named 'lawan mata'. Saw Mr. JP (Jejaka Pemerhati) after the assembly this morning. Bliss Weds morning it is. I is like that kinda situation. Dalam mencari, tiba² dia muncul depan mata. Ehek ehek...gatal sungguh diri ini sekarang. Luckily it is still in the safe phase, manageable.

As per Ms. Andrew- Graham; I have to be in control of everything I do. I have to take responsible if my decision(s) went wrong & face the reality. Kena jadi orang bertanggungjawab.

I don't know how will the battle be in next month when I went out of town. Pause mode will be activated for a week I guess. Bersabarlah Mr. JP ya. Sabarlah hati Cik Err ya. Sepa suruh suka pelihara Cik Ego Melangit, padan muka merana dera hati sendiri.

Therefore I guess...for the remaining 3 weeks or less, I'll take the opportunity as much as I can to 'wipe clean' my eyes. Woot woot. Please ignore the delusional mode.

Apa boleh buat tuan punya badan hanya mampu bertindak di dunia imaginasi saja. To do it for real belum mampu. Tenaga belum habis charge. Or perhaps, what we're doing now is the farthest he could run. Gue ikutin aja. Kalau betul mahu kok harus usaha lebey. I've given the 'nod' to proceed but he is just too slow to make a move. It's ok, pelan² kayuh...insya Allah dengan izin Dia, pasti berhasil. Yang penting sabar.

Anyway, I can't update this blog in a daily basis for the time being. Pretty exhausted almost everyday. Yet, I kinda enjoyed busy life like this. Less stress, less problems to think of, less mess created & list goes on. 1 jak aku ralat, bakal kureng aktiviti menuntun wayang aku. Macam banyak sudah show aku terlepas. I haven't watch The Way Back as yet. A flick that is inspired on true event. Oh sangat mahu tinguk.

Nasib sempat curi masa last Sunday...watched 2 flicks sekali. Oh yeah membalas dendam kununnya.

Khurafat evening with bro & FSIL. My rate? 3/5 for our film. All the best to u; Mr. Shamsul Yusof. I seriously adore ur masterpiece. Pat on his back...storyline memang unsangkarable.

And later that night, I watched this ALONE. While mother watched the movie I've watched earlier that day. Ahaks.

Can't wait for Priest & The Rite to start screening. These harus dituntun as soon as it's on screen.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

A'ha geletis!

Phew yesterday was one of those day in which I called ‘hari patah tulang’. Alhamdulillah, despite the enervation I thank Allah for the rezeki. Berbaloi² tetesan peluh upon closing sales for the day. Syukur.

Bumped into Mr. Jejaka Pemerhati early in the morning somehow moulded my good day I guess. Boo hoo me because I haven’t gain the courage to look directly at him. Seems that both of us enjoyed the ‘pandang-pandang jeling-jeling’ kinda stuff; still. Cuci mata jarak jauh masih boleh praktik di zaman serba canggih, RIGHT? As long as NO PSYCHOSIC party involved, I don’t think that sort of game would harm us. For the time being, I prefer to just relish the moment. It’s been so long since I last had this feeling. Hati dup dap & rasa mahu control ayu walau memang aku ndak ayu 24/7. Buruk eh perangai. We’re only brave enough to stare each other when we’re nearly hundred of metres away...itu pun curi menjuling menjeling. Double teruk tu perangai. Oh I heard u clearly, childish. Undeniably but I like the way we’re playing now. Jangan jak luka parah dalam battle ni sudah. Strategies need to be plan wisely. Insya Allah all in good time.

And today he’s on leave. I think so because I haven’t seen him since I arrived this morning. Ok weird. Apart from having said that I don’t actually pay any mind to being his attention...I somehow miss his presence. Adakah aku geletis tahap gaban? Oh yeah, I definitely miss that someone who tries his best to attract my attention. I am no one’s subject today. Perlu sedih hati. Uwek. Keadaan hati huru hara bila tiada...tapi ada depan mata kau buat orang tu macam tunggul kayu. Ego melangit biar jatuh hempas diri sendiri.

Anyways, change of topic. No matter how much sweat I produced today they still couldn’t outbalance the amount of food I consumed since morning. I eat like a pure glutton. Tolak batu pasir jak aku reject. Oh plus durian too! I had nasi kuning sambal ikan + hamcoi ayam for breakfast. Few hours later, nasi kerabu + fried chicken for lunch. And to my surprise someone sent something to the café this evening…yang ni memang unsangkarable because I didn’t plan to have tea today. Yaaa right!!! My favorite 'thing'! Cakes; a chocolate cheese & cotton cheese. Both were cheese...cheese...cheese. OMG aku pening banget. And together with a PINK pudding to compliment the cakes. I am full. Tummy & tastebud satisfied; thirst quenched. *burp* Syukur.

I got to capture the cakes only as I was too eager to indulge the strawberry pudding. Lupa ambil gambar.

Thanks SA for the lovely thought of urs. Next time SR cake please. Wah demand!

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Memang hati aku sakit!

Bolehkah rasa macam mau muntahkan larva?

Fikiran belum stabil since yesterday

Although aku cuba sehabis baik untuk telan

Tapi pahit kali ini betul² koyakkan kerongkong

Semua yang kompleks sudah tidak mahu aku singgah lagi

Aku sudah bakar & abunya sudah lama aku hanyutkan ke laut

Jalan yang penuh gelap sudah berjaya aku went through

Alhamdullilah...I managed to endure everything with His Guidance, Love & Mercy.

Sekarang, entah di mana silap

Kau muncul out of no where

Tujuan utama kononnya untuk mahu aku tahu

Permusuhan tidak pernah jadi niat kau

Iya...itu aku tahu

Itu aku maklum

Permusuhan kau & aku
memang tidak pernah aku tulis dalam kamus hidup aku

Sejarah kita sudah aku lipat kemas

Sudah aku simpan dalam peti

Tidak mahu aku buka lagi

Because I had enough with all the humiliations

And lies, and hopes

Aku tidak mahu terus²an jadi the person to be blame at

Pelik kenapa bila aku sudah selesa di fasa ini

Bila aku sudah move on with my life

Kau tiba untuk jernihkan keadaan

yang aku tidak tahu masihkah keruh itu wujud

Aku walk away dari yang kusut itu

Kerana aku tidak mahu sesakkan otak yang sedia serabut

Kau & dia enjoyed ikatan yang punya sakit & stress

Aku tidak mahu jadi part of it

dan aku tidak suka dijadikan igniter apa jua sekalipun

Rimas & lemas diulit kisah kamu berdua yang tidak pernah mahu lurus

Yang tidak pernah mahu admit realiti kehidupan

Hadirnya kau kali ini

Sekali lagi untuk drag aku dalam lembah kusut kamu

Apa perlu aku dilabel SOURCE

When the truth is aku adalah VICTIM?

Kalau kau dengan bangga & sinis boleh berkata

"Apa hak kau halang aku dari baca blog ini"

Maybe kau lupa

Aku juga dengan senyuman manis bak madu boleh berbahasa

"Apa hak kau untuk kawal what I should & shouldn't write here"

**************************************************

This is my blog. I can bloody write whatever I want. Freedom of writing. But worries not, aku ada guidelines aku sendiri. Never will I mentioned name(s) regardless how fervent the flame in my chest may be. Aku masih tahu sensitiviti. Aku tahu jaga nama baik orang walau aku; pernah dia malukan di khalayak.

Wahai arjuna, aku minta kau usaikan semua TANPA aku dilibatkan. Jangan kerana rasa sayang yang aku ada...u took advantage. Bila stress ganggu jiwa, u chose me to carry all the blames. I guess having a relationship with a psychosis for too long has turn u into one as well. Or worst! Penyakit hati dia makin kronik & obviously u can't handle it anymore.

Lantas jalan akhir...u turned to me & vomited everything onto my face. Why not face the reality together? And stop cari subjek untuk tampung semua yang busuk itu? I have my own problems & things to deal myself...hence I've got no extra time to entertain ur drama. Aku tidak mahu jadi pemain dalam game itu lagi. Enough is enough.

Arjuna, sila jadi jantan perkasa. Make up ur mind. And grow up. Stop the juvenile acting already. Life is too short to be wasted just like that. What's more when u spend it thinking about all the tenses & stresses. Balance out what ur heart & brain say. Kalau terusan ikut ugutan, haru hidup! Face the reality...never run from it. Settle semua before things get worst.

Arjuni, sila bersyukur. Of all woman, he picked u. Regardless how ridiculous u could be MOST of the times. Stop the insecure & inferior being! If he chose u, it means trust & loyalty came in package. Learn more about rules of relationship...and sila quit dari perasan melancholic. And oh, please stop ur wild imagination. Like, now! Orang bilang, apa yang kau selalu fikir tu boleh jadi kenyataan. Nanti betul² jadi, baru kau nangis darah tiada berlagu sana. Haru!

I demand space for myself. And kehadiran anda berdua untuk kacau mood amatlah tidak disenangi. Sila beredar. Sila jangan involve orang lain bila ada yang tidak kena dengan ur relationship. Sekian.

p/s Arjuni, if all this while kau sibukkan kepala & confidently think my post(s) related to lovey dovey, taman berbunga bla bla...are referring to ur Arjuna; sorry to disappoint u anyway. But worry not, this post memang written purely from my heart JUST FOR U. And please remember, ur Arjuna wasn't the only man from my past. Therefore when I say my ex, sila jangan syok sendiri buat assumption that I was talking about ur man! It's time to act ur age! Jangan cepat melatah.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Pendek ajerrr

Today I'll be off to work a bit late. Need to bring Chombee for his review. 1 more day before I could confidently say no infection on his wounded nose. Insya Allah. He is weak still. Maybe effect from the jab yesterday. Guess he's in the anesthetic state. That sounds more relieving than having to hear his feeble voice. He eats less but at least he's eating. I really hope he regain his appetite soon. Chombee adalah tidak comel berbadan kurus. Full stop.

Cheeloh on the other hand meow endlessly since last night. It's like he wanted to ask everything. What happened to his father...which clinic did I brought his father to...yadda yadda. IF only he can talk, I'm sure I'll be exhausted answering all his Qs. I love them all, nevertheless. Regardless how annoying their meow could be sometimes. Sila tahu, Cafe loves peeing on new stuffs. Marking his territory alkisahnya. Bro new sandals or boots bola selalu jadi mangsa.

Oh I better get myself ready. Matahari sudah naik kok bu. I'll write again later.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Overly Dramatic Moi?

Morning ya'll. I'm definitely a morning person these days. Mother was a bit shocked when I responded to her text at 5am just now. I don't know what 1432h/2011 has done to me but sure enough this whole 'bangun awal' thing will leave quite an impact to my life.

*I was in the midst typing the above paragraph when suddenly I heard an eerie crashing sound downstairs. Indeed, it ignited panic attack to the system. And paragraph below tells u the rest. Updated after I got back from work*

Thing happened for a reason. I can't stop telling myself that since early this morning. There's a reason why I decided to stay awake after SuPra. Apart from being able to depart early from home it is. And also being able to watch that someone having his breakfast.

At around 640am this morning, an incident that wrecked & broke my heart into thousand pieces took place. Chombee fell down from the window. And please know, my apartment unit is at the 2^nd floor. He fell right before my eyes. I quickly ran downstairs to pick him up but only to find a stain of very thick blood on the walkaway. My heart stopped beating for a moment there. I kneel down to search for him when I heard his weak voice came from under one of the neighbor's car. What I saw smashed my heart more. It's like it was squeezed hard enough to suffocate me. Tried persuading him to come out but he was in great pain he didn't move even an inch. Only his heart breaking feeble meow was heard. Lucky enough, a guy who is living above our unit and whom I never talk to except mother showed up. He offered his help albeit he was already late for work. Ehem...I heard him talking over the phone about being late & NO it wasn't eavesdropping.

I took Chombee into my arms as soon as he came out. He was gasping! And his saliva contained blood. And more blood around his nose & mouth!!! He sneeze blood too. Words totally couldn't describe how I felt at that moment. I was alone at home because mother stayed overnight in Sepanggar, she's too exhausted to drive home last night. I brought him back to the house. It hurts me even more when I saw more blood stains on the floor not long after we entered. There's stains on the wall as well. Not to forget my jeans, top & shawl.

I cried frantically when I saw his tears. Called my ladies asking for help also letting them hear my melodramatic cry. Oh yeah, I succeeded in injecting worrisome into their veins. Thanks so much for the concern & for being so helpful. Those close to me know well how the children mean to me. Having taking care of them since they were born...what shall u expect the feeling I have for them. Some might say they're just animal. BUT for me, they are part of the family. When they get hurt, I feel the pain also.

Therefore to those who mocked my attention & love for the children...u are most welcome to walk out of my life. I called & wanted to share my sadness yet what u responded was totally devastating. I was teased. I was said being out of mind because I cried hysterically. I was said being too dramatic because *duh* it's just a cat. First word I heard upon mentioning Chombee's name was; "Dia mati? Hahahaha. Lek bah, kucing sija tu". I still wondered up to this moment, what kind of friend asked brilliant Q as such. I didn't force u to like cat or whatever thing related to it, all I need is just for u to hear & understand. Guess what I asked were just too much for u. sigh Ok, drop it off. I'm back to the stable level already. No bringing up any heartache please.

Anyway, I waited for almost an hour in front of the vets clinic while still trying to calm myself down at the same time. So much of an emergency service. Doctor arrived at 8am although I did inform the only nurse who came early; that it's an urgent matter. Fortunately, nothing serious with Chombee. Only his nose blocked with blood clogs hence the gasping. And he has swallowed blood from the injury...which explain the blood in his saliva. Xray was done as well just to make sure no bone fracture. He was vaccinated & injected with painkiller. Funny thing was when a guy who came with his dog asked me is Chombee pregnant. And I can't help but to laugh. Chombee is a male cat fyi. And he is big in size; undeniably.

Only the nose wounded. But still; that shattered me!

Blood stains on the shawl.

Pack of wet tissues to wipe the saliva & helped stop the bleeding.

Showered him after getting back from the clinic. He climbed up my bed right after I dried up his coat, curled his body on my shawl. Because he's unwell therefore I pay no mind to the shawl. Biarla koyak sekalipun. I'll pay extra attention to him now because as per the doctor, cat tend to recover in speed when being given extra care. Insya Allah, all in good time.

I hope he'll be back kicking soon. Kind of miss his mischievousness already. Yet for now I have to hold the thing I love doing with his nose...sliding mine with his. Please get well asap darling.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Simple vs Complex

Kenapa perlu ada rasa ini

Kenapa perlu mahu simpan rasa itu

Aku bingung

Aku pusing

Mulut menafikan

Namun kata hati juga paling jujur

Kenapa susah untuk batu ini pecah

Kenapa susah untuk hindar sifat itu

Pelik kenapa malu itu perlu hadir

tidak kena tempat

Pelik kenapa perlu fikir itu ini

serabut jiwa

Yang pasti...kau memang suka buat benda ringkas jadi kompleks.

Kan Bie.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Geletis Mode is now ON

Sebab aku dalam fasa gatal ndak hengat...sebab aku rasa perasaan ingin jadi perasan adalah tinggi...sebab aku ingat tontonan secara curi & di sebalik tiang semakin menjadi² lately...

Hence I decided to not go back to sleep after SuPra. So I'll get to go to work early!! Insya Allah, akan dilakukan on daily basis walau menses sedang berlangsung. Bagus juga kan, rezeki akan lebih murah. Amin. Padahal niat dari awal memang sudah sah terpesong.

Lately perasaan jiwa raga memang jadi taman penuh berbunga. Sunflower warna kuning emas, chop. Walau busy & seberpeluh & sepenat mana...hati tetap kembang mekar. Wah tu dia gatal tiada sempadan. Unlimited. Borderless. Huh?? Oh please be kind with me. It's been soooo long since I last had this feeling. Berombak kencang dada gue. Control ayu walau sedar diri ndak pernah ayu. Ngeh~~

Rasa macam baru belajar jak. Walhal sudah experience berkali². Sila abaikan kata ulangan itu. Sekadar penghias ayat cuma. Yuck. Whatever it is, I kind of enjoyed what I have in the heart at the moment. Together with the things occurred. Syukran ya Allah. Never had I expected I am still opportune to perceive such bliss. Dia Maha Kaya.

Penontonan di sebalik tiang...kepuraan keluar untuk berasap walhal tujuan adalah mencuci mata...kepuraan untuk singgah walau hanya membeli sebotol air...kepuraan untuk pilih tempat yang directly facing the office just to let me know that he's arrived. Oh yeah they sounded so high school yet I chose to just savor the feeling. Dari main ignore perasaan, lagi baik nikmati selagi ada.

Cafe adalah sedikit berhamburan for the time being. We can't longer predict the peak time. But for now, Mon & Tues are officially hari patah pinggang. Gila kerja keras membanting tulang memerah keringat. Choii ayat minta ditimbus dalam lubang. And macam biasa, kalau sudah mula perasan busy...meal time aku macam chipsmore. On off sesuka jiwa. I really hope si gastrik will understand my situation. It's not that I purposely skip my meal...cuma kalau sudah macam tu, aku boleh jadi lupa bab makan. Poyo itu harus. Ohooo cara diet yang sangat efisien because so far I've lost 5kgs since the cafe reopen.

Can't wait for next month though. Orang bilang bulan cinta. Yeah right. Because V-Day falls in Feb, hence it is named as the month of L.O.V.E. Erk, why does the heart has to beat fast everytime I said the L word? Memang kegatalan tahap ndak terbendung. Perlu cari cara untuk wipe off semua. ugh

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Monday Bliss

Woot. It's gonna be a wonderful Monday today. A perfect starter for a great week. I woke up just before the alarm buzz. And didn't sail back to dreamland after SuPra. Took my shower & get ready. Since the clock hasn't strike 7 as yet...I decided to take the extra free time to update this site. Mother is still sleeping. We're going the separate way today so yeah, I'll be driving alone to cafe then. She's headed to her kedai to sort out some stuffs before the official opening tomorrow.

I definitely had a fantabulous weekend. Although having to work on Sat & Sun because I have catering to cover, I indeed enjoyed. Since I am currently running out of time, I'll just feed u with pictures huh. I've made a resolution to depart for work at 7am on the dot; daily. So far ada tersasar sikit but I am sure I'll do better soon.

Let's begin with what I did last Friday ya.

Attended big sister's post-birthday celebration at her house. Cuppies we super love from Colorlicious Fairycake. Thank IjaLyn for making our evening extra cheesy joyous & dramatic. We can't stop ourselves from going all ga-ga over the cute cuppies. Specially the small eatable camera miniature. Sedap gilak. Moist gilak.

With the grown-up lil missy.

Ouhh Aunty Pis misses u so much darling. And thanks for the kiss.

Don't ask me what's with the over-reacting smile. I can't really explain about the oh-so-wide grin. Pouty smile no more??

Sisters in the house.

Laura - Yours Truly - Mel - Grunge - Jess

On Sat, attended Tia Kyla Oluminodun Gintanau full moon. *GRUNGE, IT'S BEEN CORRECTED*

Everyone berebut mau dukung this lil tot. Sangat geram & geram & geram.

Us; who arrived early with the proud parents. Ohoi Bie, perlukah anda kelihatan seperti maid?

Regardless the noise...she sleeps soundly throughout the evening. Ada bangun kejap, just to show us how sepet her eyes are. Just like daddy. Copycat all her daddy's trait ok.

Yesterday, melawat kedai makan. All set up. Alhamdulillah. And Insya Allah ready to launch.

Kenduri was held. Mohon berkat & rezeki yang murah dari Yang Esa. Amin.

I guess that's all for now. Gotta make my move now. Nanti gue terperangkap dalam machet. Plus mahu nonton someone breakfast. Oho mungkin kah hari lebih bereerti sebab dapat cuci mata sekarang?

x0x0

hugs*kisess

Jika kau fikir kau boleh...memang kau boleh.

First & foremost...

Dear my Kakak Besar a.k.a Laura Pamella Andrew-Graham

I’m wishing you another year
Of laughter, joy and fun,
Surprises, love and happiness,

And when your birthday’s done,
I hope you feel deep in your heart,

As your birthdays come and go,
How very much you mean to me,
More than you can know.

Thanks for always being there for me. Regardless

how ridiculous I could be in times.

Thanks for letting me be part of ur wonderful life.

Ok stop, I sounded like a lesbo already. It's not like everyday u got to hear what my heart says, no?

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Big sister turns 21 plus 8 years please today. She's currently in Tawau; outstation. We're gonna crash her house tomorrow. Small makan² with her family will be held. Harus lah kami mensibuk. We invited ourselves. And forced Laura to invite us as well. Oh yeah, muka harus ndak malu.

I made hamcoi ayam for dinner. Since she's too far away to come over, I'll just eat up everything on her behalf. Indeed, it's very sweet of me. Official celebration with the rest of the PPGs & Posers will be held end of Jan. It will be a combine birthday celebration for 2 of the Posers & the PPGs chief herself. Yay! I so can't wait for the bash. They have arranged the dinner & also things we're gonna do after that.

And oh, Sunday ni full moon baby Tia Kyla. I haven't meet her yet...boo hoo me! Kira² bakal lebam lah tu anak this coming weekend. I am so gonna squash her! Bite her! Kiss her! Paling penting...make her cries. Harus!!! Suka dengar baby nangis...memang berpenyakitan.

On another note, I would like to extend my greatest trimas ama teman blogger Ms. B. Makaseh sudi hulur mata membaca text(s) gue...makaseh untuk kata² pujangga nasihat itu. No worries babe, IF all went well I will definitely submit u the report straight away. Penumpangan rasa teruja & geletis adalah dialu²kan. Sila sila. Like what u wrote; quote as such is no more relevant in this millennium. Thanks for ur support. It's great to be able to share things with someone who can understand the ground u're standing.

Anyway, since I've decided to leave the game I currently played & rejoin the battle I'd left way back...dup dap jantung macam terlebey das. Adrenaline terlebey pam. Yet somehow I kind of relished everything at the moment. Slowly I picked up what I've subbed before...and stick them back together. I'm on my way reconstructing the demolished part of my spirit. Poyo, boleh? But seriously, aku pun ndak tahu mana aku kutip semangat waja nan poyo tu semua. Thought I've buried them deep enough already. Sekali muncul di kala kecemasan pula. Harus rasa mau terbang tinggi wei.

Segala keputusan biar Dia tentukan. I've tried my best. Kalau pun gagal, sila jangan devastated. It means what I strived for isn't the best for me. Or that I need to put extra effort in order to get what I want. Orang bilang, something yang kau dapat hasil titik peluh / usaha memang jauh lebih manis & berharga. Sangat setuju!

xoxo

hugs*kisses

Bikin Hati Nggak Shenang

Aduyai...someone from the past entered my life. Uninvited, unexpected & indeed; put me in great shock. Perlu kah dihalau orang yang datang cara baik? Bunyi kejam & keji ok. Too many wrongs I did to him...and I never apologized. Hmm still not going to do so sebab ego melangit tunggu mau kena panah petir. ugh. I don't deserve to be treated this nice. Bersalah gila.

Like; perlukah niat untuk amend benda yang sudah berabad ditinggal? I can't read what's in his mind...I can't predict what he's going to do next. Macam kau pernah jadi tukang ramal ah. Perlu segera kembali ke posisi perasaan yang asal. Boleh² ni barang bikin jiwa serabut. Oh yeah, serabut sebab ndak dapat guess apa plan orang. Saiko gaban.

Anyways, I've decided to do something I have long quit doing. Laura's standing next to me regarding this matter...and so do the other ladies. I did feel a bit awkward about it in the beginning...but I hope I'll do good. Wah bunyi macam mau masuk exam hall & sit for one. Hampas betul. Come to think of it, sikit lah macam exam. Difference only that I don't have to answer the Qs in paper(s). It's more like a practical test. Every action or method I use will be assessed. Which will eventually bring me to the ultimate result. When & what will the result be? Wallahualam. Itu kita cerita bila objektif tercapai.

Bunga dalam taman hati are germinating...they're producing more seeds as well. And I is like the soothing feeling. Alhamdulillah. Perkembangan lanjut akan dipantau as to avoid jadi terkinja lebey tapi hasil nan ado.

Ok lah, tonight gotta hit the sack early. Runtunan manusia di cafe this morning...gue capek banget. Nasib aja tulang ada berasas iron, gue berjuang habis². Uwek! Malam semua.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Juri nan pro AJL...aku lerr!

And so Anna Raffali was crowned as the champion for AJL last night. And seperti disangka & memang selalu jadi every year...ramai sumpah seranah ndak puas hati with the result.

As for me...gue ikut aja what the judges have decided. Semua pun memang taiko in their own fields. They sure know what's the best.

Frankly speaking, as much as I love FT's single Hanyut...I didn't make any guess on whom the winner will or shall be. Because I treated every songs yang mara to the final; equally. Kalau ndak best, ndak kan masuk final ok.

After Anna was announced as the winner...aku laju goggled the lyric that she wrote herself. Gila multi talented. She sings & composed! Tabik spring skeeeet. And yes, I admitted suara dia ndak lah wow sangat. Ndak dapat remangkan bulu roma. BUT as being mentioned many times before...AJL memperjuangkan KARYA MUZIK. Bukan best or ndak suara...bukan cantik or handsome...bukan gah or ndak performance. Wujud 2 other awards; Best Vocal & Best Performance adalah prove AJL only focuses mainly on the song(s).

FT showmanship with Hanyut was superb. 'Speechess' gue jadinya. Pasal tu dia menang BP award. But sorry to say, banyak cacat in his vocal last night. Kalau memang die hard fan FT akan mengamuk sakan baca statement poyo aku ni. Senang nanti bukalah youtube & view balik if kau rasa aku cakap pakai taram jak. Tapi ingat, sertakan dengan minda yang neutral sekali untuk menghakimi. Arasso? Oh yeah, bercakap as if aku ni pro kan. Yet, aku pendengar therefore I have my right to say what I want. Lain orang lain view; yes...and if u dislike what I said, sila klik that X button on the upper right of ur screen. Or ko tulis entry di blog sendiri. Ok, stop the emo drama queen mode already.

Aku tiada feeling masa Black nyanyi SJ...ada hambar in the beginning of his show. But I can't deny his superb voice though. Walau di saat akhir baru dia tunjuk taring. It's like he was a bit late to get into the whole character of the song. Adira dissapoint me with her less energectic voice. She is known of her 'big' powerful voice & obviously last night wasn't the best. I rest my case realizing the fact that this was her first time on the AJL stage. 'Vernous' explained her well. Same goes to Shahir. Dull & boring tapi drama makan penampar tu memang buat aku kejutan letrik kejap. What I like most were the performances from Yuna, Noh + Lan, Stacy & Faizal (Hanyut). Combination beetween Noh & Lan is perfect. They delivered their best; neither tried to overshadow. Tabik spring juga. Toing toing.

Tiba² jadi komentar tegar award last night. Padahal before ni, nan ado attention kau. Betul sah masuk angin kus². Let me just write what came out from the mind. It's not like everyday u got to see me write something apart from what I did daily. So yeah, please bare with my review yang memang ndak diminta. Aku suka² ja...trip kunun manatau dapat tackle si Ally. Motif?? Memang geletis so konsep statement boleh diabaikan. Upsss.

Conclusion is, mostly juara AJL memang akan jadi bahan dispute. I feel sorry for Aidit Alfian though...dulu Keliru by Nurul + Ajai, now someone he recommended to the industry pula. Hmm bila lah muzik kita mau maju kalau kita masih letak fikiran di takuk lama. Whatever it is, congrats to Anna Raffali. Am not a fan of her, chop! Yet I do appreciate her work. Unique. As for the vocal, I hope she will do something to better herself. Kerja keras surely promise success.

And to those who didn't make it, u guys are still the best. Kalah menang kan adat. Korang berkarya bukan semata ikut competition, yes?
xoxo
hugs*kissess

Of lately

Alhamdulillah. Semua yang indah Dia berikan sama aku. Perasaan bunga² taman bunga segala really help in stimulating the excretion of adrenaline. Hyper jak perasaan ever since 2011 came.

Maka itu harus sentiasa jadi grateful. And bila Dia turunkan ujian kena redha. Rasa bahagia tu pun considered as trial sebenarnya. Bila happy, bersyukur. I have to be extra careful...jangan sampai misdirected from the real destination. Bila Dia bagi ujian dalam bentuk bau² misery sikit, I still have to thank Him. Even more thankful because it shows that He cares for me. Masih dalam perhatian Dia. Kan Dia itu Maha Penyayang. Everything that derives from Him is always divine. Period. No further judgment nor question.

Something came up since yesterday. I just don't know how to react to such matter. It's been a while since I encountered one. I can't really decide what to do nor how to respond. Impasse; a situation I dislike to the very core. Sangat sangat tidak gemar...what's more when the brain tend to pause from functioning. Despite bunga dalam hati bercambah²an, perkara sesak as such is actually capable to stunt any development. Bisa aja tiap yang berkembang ter-distort. ugh namanya cobaan ya Bie.

I hope to walk away from this path I currently walk upon; asap. I've been on far rough & worse road than this before & I have strong faith I will survive. Insya Allah. Akan struggle cari secubit cahaya dalam terowong nan gelap ini. What's with secubit? Huh usage of penjodoh bilangan makin teruk ok.

Oh yeah, mari skip part poyo kunun melancholy segala. Life is short enough so please don't waste it with useless thoughts. Sila cherish every moment regardless how bitter it tastes.

The new eatery place at my area. Sangat kreatif they named the place Cawan. I is like their logo.

Makan has always been one of my best way to destress. That's what I do to balance the heavy-hearted system. So far, good food never failed to channel out the tense.

Gue kan sudah telan nasi tahun ni. Jadi melantak benda alah tu jaklah 24/7. Abaikan perkembangan lemak. Sekian.

Latest pink stuff I received from a friend yesterday. Came all the way from Kolumpor. Ala KL je kan? Bukan overseas pun sampai mau menayang. Tapi, ada aku kesah? Tu dia saiko sendiri, gaban. Alkisah Elianto ada warehouse sale...jadi dapatlah sebijik gift di atas. Token I like & appreciate very much indeed. Boleh guna if mau overnight mana². Nice!!

Ok tu jak ni kali. Nanti gue update lagi. I have to get ready. Have movie date tonight. Season of the Witch evening it is.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Aku punya teman...

Aduyai sakit jiwa sama diri sendiri. I've been pretty occupied with workloads I had to force myself to put the existence of this blog; aside. Ya right, baik punya alasan. Workloads sangat. Motif cakap gitu? Kunun kau bertimbun kerja lah? Teetttt. Abaikan.

Update about cousin's wedding in Nov; not yet done. Same goes to Dot's wedding reception last month. Also, the recent family trip to Kundasang. I refused to say that I procrastinate because I didn't skip updating for no reason. I've got plenty to be made as excuses. But I chose work to be the backer for now. Muntah darah membaca bah.

Anyways, yesterday masa sudah time untuk site visit the new kedai makan. It's 80% completed. Today, sudah berhempas pulas mengasi bersih premis itu. Oh yeah sila tahu, aku ndak keluar setetes peluh pun sebab harus aku fokus di cafe. Fokus sangat...sila Muntah darah lagi. Only mother went there & monitored the cleaning progress.

Currently dalam mood untuk melayan hati yang sedang bertaman bunga². Many things occurred lately...I just can't explain them in words. I feel truly blessed & overwhelmed. Syukran to the Almighty.

Sebab aku sangat empty-minded sekarang...therefore I'll stop here. Jamu telinga with 1 of my fav song. Ini dalam list 'paling suka tahap gila suka'.

Teman Tapi Mesra by Ratu. With things happening lately, this song sangat sesuai untuk ditempel di site ini. Got the hint already? Bluek.

Every time dengar this song, segala kenangan zaman dulu kala berebutan masuk ruang minda. Each memories, each words spoken, each actions taken bla bla bla. But what I remembered most, ni ringtone hp si Yang Azliyang. And when ada orang call but she's not available to answer (i.e site inspection ke ladies room), aku sengaja ndak mau answer. Kasi biar fon tu berteriak minta tolong sampai putus urat. Motif? Sebab aku mau dengar lagu tu & aku suka lagu tu. Titik. Duh, as if ndak boleh jak mendengar masa lain.

Almaklum, masa tu fon aku belum ndak canggih. Ndak dapat install hatta download lagu yang boleh dengar suara manusia. Setakat bunyi alatan musik. Melodi indah polifonik jak termampu dihasil keluar. Suara nan ado. Berbelanja ikut kadaran termampu kunun time study dulu. Comel jak rasa nafsu membeli membelah aku DULU. Sekarang...membunuh tahap paling merciless. Ndak da ampun. sigh

p/s Ghindu PPGFs, sudah lama nggak ketemu. 2011, semua 1 hati untuk busykan diri ka? Hampas betul.

x0x0

hugs*kisses

Gumbira-nye Shaye

Alhamdulillah. Kembali sihat. Berkat usaha minum air bergelas bukan kata ulangan. Only the cough stayed for me to handle. Thanks kepada si nafsu yang sukakan minuman sejuk lagi berais.

Anyway, I gotta say this out loud. Today is one helluva Monday for myself. I'm loving it to bits! Syukran ya Allah. Perhaps, having the 8 hours of deep soundly sleep last night has everything to do with the mood. Fully energetic! Forget the awful sound when I cough...for it's just a minor thing to think of today.

Monday started off great. I woke up early. Went to work early. Arrived cafe early. And best parts of all...segala urusan settle seperti magis. Umpama memetik jari. Erm, sila jangan berbunyi riak Bie . But seriously, that was what happened today. Bukan part meriakkan diri, chop!

Despite being short of staffs at the cafe & have tons to do at the immigration department...I feel myself at peace doing/handling everything. No stress. No pressure. Zero. Mengkali betul lah apa orang cakap. Bila hati senang & jiwa tenang; semua kerja jadi simple untuk dilaksanakan. Oh yeah, I couldn't agree more with that!

Syukur atas rasa & kurniaan ini ya Rabb. Bunga² pink sedang berkembang mekar dalam taman hati. Gue adalah suka & senaaaang sekali. Oh bunga mekar, sila jangan layu. Kalau sudah agak tua, sila kembangkan 'zuriat' sebelum gugur menyembah bumi ya.

Fine, ndak boleh lebey² excited nanti makan diri. Tapi before gue tamatkan drama sebabak entry kali ni, gue maok ambil kesempatan ini untuk ucap tahniah ama teman gue Mrs. Is****za @ Belle.

Gedik boleh. She was in the midst of contraction, yet still managed to pose before entering the delivery hall. Hampas mak buyung sorang ni. Nak cute aje. Bunyi agak envy di situ.

Oh yeah, I congratulated her not for nothing. She had just given birth to a 'squashy' lil tot; Adib Zakwan. Born on the 30 Dec 2010.

Belle, congrats on your bundle of joy. Sorry for the late wish. I am so happy for u. I pray him happiness & bliss; all life long. And sorry juga sebab cilok those pictures without ur consent. Hmm abaikan idea nak menyaman I ok. Sebab dah sah I tak makan saman kot.

Insya Allah, I'll meet u next month. And I akan usaha tunaikan janji dalam SMS tu. *gelak guling*

Dan juga...Happy YoungDay to Nurul Khairunie! May u grow wiser & jiwa kental each day, darling sister.

Ok tamat sudah entry. Does it not obvious already? Walau hati girang taman ada bunga...tetap penyakit malas itu belum mati. Die hard fan betul sama sistem aku. Or is it vice versa? Whatever it is...pokok pangkal utama; hati aku senang gumbira. Alhamdulillah.

x0x0

hugs*kisess

cough cough

2011 has just begin...yet I already have to be under the weather. Battling with flu & fever. Annnnnd cough. Angah didn't left KK leaving nothing behind. Right now mother, Girl & I have to endure with the viruses she left. Girl's been vomiting since last night. Mother's been sneezing. Whilst me, shivering from fever also coughing non stop.

I didn't get to sail back to dreamland after SuPra. Hence I decided to just kill time on the bed. Doing practically nothing. Fever has subsided by now...only itchy throat & wooziness I have to deal with. Alhamdulillah though for the unwellness. For it vanishes my venial sins.

Will be going to the car wash center near home to bathe Darling. Her body is fully covered with dust & she's been super dull for the past 2 weeks. Poor her. I refused the idea to bathe her right after returning from Ranau last Thurs. Because it's been raining almost everyday so I guess it would only be a waste to wash her. The sun hasn't show itself today, it would probably rain anytime soon. But I will still proceed with the plan to wash her. Tomorrow, cafe will be open. Harus lah kan Darling mau kelihatan bersih.

The staffs are at the cafe now. Cleaning & setting up the equipments before we start the business tomorrow. Gue akan kembali berlakon sibuk. Mother will spend most of her time at the new kedai makan in Sepanggar. Definitely; the word 'alone & bored at home' will be my tagline soon. uhuk uhuk redha gue.

x0x0

hugs*kissess

Kotobian do Toun Vagu

Happy New Year, everyone!!!

I wish you:

~Health so you may enjoy each day in comfort.

~Love of friends & family. And Peace within your heart.

~Beauty of nature that you may enjoy the work of God.

~Wisdom to choose priorities for those things that really matter in life.

~ Generosity so you may share all the good things that come to you.

~Happiness, Joy & Blessings for the New Year.

~And lastly, best of everything that you so well deserve.

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The family went back to Kolumpor this morning. Rumah kembali sunyi. And I'm back to my previous state...tidur berseorangan dalam bilik. No more perebutan kuasa atas katil with Ezza. I miss how the house looked like & sounded since last Thurs. Sob sob.

Life has to move on. Selamanya cuti, ada karang makan pasir. Isi tank si Darling guna air paip. Bayar monthly bills guna daun kering. Will be meeting them in 2 months time. Woot, poyo lebih bersedihan sana. Cool, boleh?

I have to struggle to throw the laziness away. Oh, and the procrastination behavior as well. Last year, I've been pretty viscous with myself. Seriously, I need to loosen up & stop installing more pressure to the brain.

Apart from all, I thank Allah the Almighty for the opportunity given. Alhamdulillah. Syukran ya Rabb. Masih ada chance untuk hirup udara di bumi, berkasih sayang sesama umat Mu & Insya Allah beribadat lebih untuk meraih rahmat Mu.

Gambar penjamu mata. Bbq on New Year's eve at Aunty's house in Putatan.

x0x0

hugs*kisses