Say it again

Bolehkah meraung menangis air mata darah...muntah hijau. Like; NOW.

Suddenly jiwa kacau. Hati berombak² macam baru lepas tsunami. Thank God the big sister called & helped me out acknowledging the truth behind this whole peculiar feeling.

Wasn't sure what's going on with the mind. I need something that I called back up thought to assist me coping with the uncertainty. Also help me unravel the tangling thoughts.

I've been pretty difficult with myself lately. I treated the soul badly. I seamlessly overloaded the brain with too many useless information. Now that it begins showing some sign like it's gonna breakdown, I guess slowing down the torment is the best thing to do.

Stefan will 'help' me channel the negative ions off the system. And oh by the way, am gonna watch Wall Street tomorrow evening after work. Not that I want to prolong the already overwork brain to work more, just that I think film as such allows the brain to widen its skills of work. Bagus untuk exercise otak.

Can't wait for VD2 Ep 4. I like the first single off TVD soundtrack. Sangat jarang telinga aku cekap menangkap lagu...what's more when I've only listened to it once. Here, enjoy the mv featuring some of the kaboom clips from the series.

Double Triple

Letting go of the past is the only thing
that will make u move forward
and enjoyed life to the heart's content

I've gained my experience
through the games I'd played
also getting familiar
with the rules that's likely
to change every now & then
depending on the players

Gonna take it easy this time
won't grizzle nor sweat over
ridiculous stuffs

Swearing & cursing
are so yesterday

Silence is the new killer
it could stab the heart
deep enough to make it
bleed until the end of time

Hate me if u want
Bitch if that satisfies u
I'm just being human
imperfection defines me well

But please know
what goes around, comes around
The thing u're doing to me
I'd done that before

Now I'm getting the 'salary'
triple from what I've 'spent'

Be patient
wait for ur turn
u'll get urs sooner or later

And bare in mind
do not sweat if what u got
double triple to what u gave me

Do not feel mad nor seek sympathy
because u've long lost that privilege
the moment u opened ur mouth

to bitch.

Just like me.

Being not so orenj in mood

Greetings peeps...

This morning I drove something orange-y to work. Yes KIZZY, u heard me right. Despite having strong dislike towards the color, I may need to endure with it for a day more. Kens will be discharge by tomorrow morning; the latest. God's willing.

And to date, I've turned into an extremely annoying lady for the past few days. Been buzzing Mr. S about Fuchy's arrival which he promised me will arrive in the first week of Shawwal. I guess the shipping container somehow got trapped in a 'traffic jammed' on it's way to KK. It's either there's too many traffic lights or containers using the ocean pathway.

Thing happened for a reason. Repairing & fixing the faulty in Kens' system cost me few hundred of RM. And at this very moment, I praised the Lord Above for Fuchy's delayed arrival. Alhamdulillah. If Fuchy did arrived as estimated...I might definitely suffer from a chronic moolah deficiency state.

Nasib cepat sedar diri...kena prasangka baik dengan apa yang jadi, baru nampak hikmahnya. Syukran ya Allah.

I'm sure by just showing the side mirror will make Kizzy the orenj-lady go ga-ga.

What's more when she sees this right before her eyes. Aku juga yang pengsan menahan nafas perasaan lara tinguk benda alah ni.

Nasib lah badan...dari tiada berkenderaan kan. It's just color anyway, I won't die because of it. Obviously. So cik Err, stop the drama already.

Note to darling Kizzy: Bukan Kens menjadi PINK. Tapi Keli yang bertukar. Bah jadi Keli plat W** kapan dong?

Vampires Eat, Pray & Love...they even have Diaries!

Uhuk uhuk uhuk *batuk kering*

I am finally done 'going through' the The Vampire Diaries Season 1. OMG...I am falling for Stefan Salvatore over & over again. Took a sneak peek on the Season 2 just now. Damn...his squirrel's diet doesn't do any good to his figure. It's obvious he's in dire need of some human blood.

Stefan getting skinnier yet still incredibly romantic...while Damon getting meaner and drunker. And I just love Nina Dobrev who plays as Elena/Catherine; even more. That pretty lass plays 2 different roles & my, she's extraordinarily awesome. Nina carries herself so differently for both characters; I could easily differentiate them both.

What I read is totally different from what they've filmed. And I like that fact regardless the dying curiosity. I wanted to wait until all 22 episodes of Season 2 aired before watching them in one go. I've successfully downloaded all 3 episodes already...gue chenta banget ama lor cik Err.

This season I'll be able to see more of his asset; the sexy abs. And man, his chops is driving me nuts! DQ...thanks.

This guy belongs to Grunge + Laura. Sharelah kamu ah. And in S2, we got to see some eruption in his ego. Vulnerable & he's in love with that beau. What beau? Ok won't spill anything anymore...nanti ada orang snapped my neck just like what Damon did to that cute guy. Woot...terbucur 1 scene.

Luminous Julia.

Anywoot, I'm gonna buy Elizabeth Gilbert's book titled Eat, Pray & Love. Here's the deal, I will either read the book prior watch the movie or vice versa. Julia Robert's movie is something I always look forward to. Some said EP&L is too shallow to resonate but I wanna watch it nonetheless. I enjoyed bing!-ing about what I wanna 'feed the eyes'; I read quite bad reviews about this movie. Like, that will stop me from going to the cinema huh.

This movie is based on a true story...which is why I am so eager to put it in my must-watch list. It will make one ponder about life choices a bit wider...and perhaps forgive one flaws. That's according to Jenna* Busch from The Huffington Post*.

Nanti gue bagi reviewnya ya. And perhaps will not spill too much of the whole story. Masak sudah kena mara gara² Devil tu hari.

Aku Pusing ke Kau

When I'm lost in the rain
In ur eyes I know
I found the light...to light my way

When I'm scared losing ground
When my world is going crazy
U can turn it all around
And when I'm down
U're there pushing me TO THE TOP

U're always there giving me ALL U GOT

Laura & I dedicated this song to each other some time ago. I so love the lyrics it left remarkable 'stain' in my heart. I was never a big fan of Christina but I have to admit most of her songs are indeed buat jantung gugur. Take Beautiful & Hurt for instances. ugh ugh ugh

And to my PPGs...here's something for u ladies.

I can do anything...coz ur love is so amazing
coz ur love inspires me

On Grunge's engagement day

Will upload more tonight.

*******************************************************************

Grunge, Rio & Laura will come over to the cafe for lunch today. Rio misses Laura & I...oh Oppa. Ok Grunge saya ready untuk diduku. Rio's office is in Alamesra, but never once did he came to dine here. The last time he went here was with Grunge & Turak. And my, that was like a year back. He feels rather awkward to lepak with me...without having the apple of his eye next to him, I guess. Hmm since when did his fiance became an apple, btw? Ngeh ampun Ahjema.

And oh regarding the unusual entry...it's already publish in her blog. I bloody laughed my lungs out loud upon reading it. Seriously it was damn funny...not the content but the way she conveyed her story. Pat on her back for trying. U're indeed a weak emulator. Time's up...get back to the original u that I knew. Promise me u will never post entry as such in the future. I know I started the 'challenge' but now I'm calling it off. Ara? It was ludicrous despite ur enthusiasm & effort to produce one.

But bare in mind though...I might be writing the so called poetic entry once in a while. Depending on the mood. Biar kau cakap ndak puas...ayat gantung².

Toing toing YOYO

Alkisah as soon as I reached home from work...terus bersiap ala kadar yang memang sangat berkadaran & straight to fetch Grunge. Rumah adalah dekat, just a spit away. TIPU.

Janji 'meeting' pukul 8am...tapi kakak besar; Laura, madam besar; Maya & wanita baru berkahwin; Jess adalah lambat cipan. Luckily Grunge ada & Mel arrived not long after kami mencemar bontot.

As always, being surrounded by my not so cantik tongol sayur pahit ladies will inject positive ions into the blood. I felt less emotional & less dramatic. In fact, rasa seperti baru dicas semula. Wah gitu. *ok seriously poyo*

Transferring Grunge's engagement long awaited pictures.

Newest & youngest member of the PPGs...c Madam Besar; Maya Linawa G.

I super heart them despite ordering the bubbles-less drink. Damn!

Because I don't own have an FB account anymore to upload the pictures there hence I will upload more of the E-day pictures; here. Taken by Laura & yours truly. Sorry for the delay. Bijak pandai cik Err telah mendelete account bertuahnya itu.

Ehem ko fikir ada ka orang menunggu untuk melihat? Ohh HARUS ada kan Grunge.

Wooooot woooooot...

today life started a bit early than usual. Kens is hospitalized, ONCE MORE. Radiator & a/c dysfunction. Hence, brother together with cousins have to send me to the cafe. Oh Fuchy, when will u arrive? Brother is heading to Sutera Harbour & cousins to Sepanggar...and we have to depart early from home to avoid the well known slow traffic movement around Bundusan area.

And here I am...terconggok dalam office with eyes resembling a zombie. But pink news is that gloominess phase has passed by. All I really need last night was a good sleep. Slept soundly despite the period pain.

Alhamdulillah. I'm back to my normal being...although haven't gotten my appetite back. Last meal that entered the body was the supper I took last night. 5 pieces of butter cookies & a cup of hot coffee. Gonna take my breakfast before the gastric attack.

Cheeloh accompanied me this morning while waiting for brother to come fetch me.

Officially down with 'severe emotional disorders'. The imbalance hormone level might be the cause, I supposed. Being in a roller coaster ride half of the day really did alter the mood. Swallowed pain killers in the evening because I couldn't stand the throbbing pain in my head. Alhamdulillah; it lessen down a bit after dusk.

It's about time for the spirulina to show its effects to the system. Been waiting for its action to kick in after diarrhea & the heartburn. I haven't start with the lactose as yet...mau pingsan kalau double effect hentam sistem.

Talked to Grunge & Laura over YM this evening. Loads to share although we met like almost everyday. Currently, waiting for update in Grunge's blog. She told me she's gonna post something out of the ordinary. I so can't wait for the so called unusual post. Siap ah kalau gitu juga...belanja saya makan croissant tomorrow evening. Thanksssss~~~

For real, soul is in a rather wrack condition. Peculiarity is pretty much acknowledged but I would prefer to just keep it to myself. Nothing serious really...just that I'm embracing the DQ moment to my utmost. Let me be in my own realm; I promise I'll behave. Sila abai kepoyoan c Pisang di sana.

Because I kinda feeling depressed over everything right now...I decided to download 2 of the already-aired episodes of The Vampire Diaries Season 2. Delicious meals mother made for her dinner looked less tempting to me. I've loss my appetite once more. All I need now is to suck some blood I guess. Oh how I terribly miss my Stefan. Tetiber nyeeer.

And please know, despite eating like a real dinosaur during the 2 weeks of eid...I actually managed to take away 2 kilos of my weight. Even the staffs said I look less bloated...harus kembang or harus joget lambak? Seems like I've been worrying for nothing. Kunun lah tu muka jadi bulat; hampas ada.

Boys over Flowers still has 19 Episodes to download. Dusyum! Sabar itu penting cik Err oiii.

Emulator Moi

*yawn yawn yawn*

Yes peeps, aku adalah ngantuk tahap cipan. Woot lama ndak guna that word. Zaman sekolah dulu, tripped cool whenever that word was uttered out loud.

Alkisah sudah canang plan sama diri sendiri...that is to PQ the whole week. Sekali bendera Jipun berhenti berkibar lantas jatuh dari tiang. Hence, indefinite postpone of the initial plan. I was supposed to start my PQ last week but being procrastinator that I am...I brilliantly opted to only start the plan in the 3^rd week of Syawal. Serve me right, NO? What else shall I do if I favour the air in the procrastination room?

Niat asal mau PQ & PS...mengasi habis terus bilangan hari dalam bulan mulia ni. Nampak gaya ntah berapa kerat jak aku dapat laksanakan. Oh how 'lucky' I am to willingly registered myself to be burn in the after life. Suka jadi pengikut si Laknat; yang wajib dikasi huru hara sendiri. Apalagi yang sunat kan. I shall bang my head extra hard on the wall next time. Been reminding myself so many times to stay away from being a postponer...but to no avail. Kadang jak aku kesedaran; most of the time enjoyed lupa diri. sigh

Monday morning started a bit numb'F' & dull. Wasn't feeling sleepy; just that I was having quite a strong mood swing. The chest sets aflame by something...and I felt like vomiting 'larva' as well. Upon reaching the cafe; I tried to calm myself in the car. Inhale exhale. Alhamdulillah, bisikan si Laknat berjaya diusir. Tapi mood memang fluctuating giler. Then came afternoon, upon finding out bendera Jipun tumpas mood adalah kembali ceria normal sediakala. The glum mood vanished right after that. Punya rasa saiko cipan yang bikin panas.

And oh...I've got new well-read book to kill my time. Good friend of mine; Pijut whom is currently residing in Tawau gave something valuable to brighten the dimmed 'nur' in my soul. Wah gitu ayat. What touched me the most was when she told me she saw something on the cover that reminded her of me. Ouch aku adalah sayang kau sang kancil Pijut.

We chatted this morning; after so many 'clashed' dates on the YM. And as I had guessed earlier...the article of du'a is the reason why I received the 'book'. Aku suka majalah ni & I was thinking to subscribe it monthly. Baru jak dilancar because yang aku dapat tu pun baru Isu #22.

We'll see the final decision once I've finished reading it. So far hati adalah puas...jiwa rasa terisi.

Crave for more reading materials...*sneeze*

Skema atau skima

Yesterday after work

attended open house at Leny's

aku heret c Grunge & sang tunang dia

bedal lauk pauk sup tulang abc

semua sedap ya amat

burp...alhamdulillah

makan ndak hengat dunia

Alkisah namanya melantak

Sejak si Zahin lahir...

baru ni aku ber-4 mata sama tu anak

besar sudah; hensem lagi

nasib masih kecil

kalau ndak; confirm aku hantar pinang

Alhamdulillah kali ni

berjaya langsaikan 'hutang'
melawat & hantar gift
the little Zara Nur Aludra

Also jumpa c Leny yang
aku rasa lagi slim dari aku
Fyi, minah itu baru 50+ days
delivered her baby

Langsung ndak da mercy sama si perut

sudah melantak di Likas

petang tu continue di Tuaran

rumah Along...Kizzy's eldest sister

Lepak² makan²

pose ² chit chat sikit

dekat jam 9 baru sedar diri

mau berbalikkan kunun

After dropping Zai at her house

singgah Tong Hing untuk claim

hamper raya c Yam

before sending her home

reached home nearly 10pm

Settle urusan 'peribadi'

off I went to bed

adalah mengantuk gaban

gue capek banget

Today as early as 10am

misi makan di ex uni-mate's wedding

at Kompleks Tabung Haji in Sembulan

jadi penumpang setia Grunge + Rio

Laura pun berjangkit jadi penumpang

Again, aku pakai baju sedondon

theme color wedding orang

Like HARUSKAH?

Tahun ni macam ramai pakai pink

macam ramai pakai purple juga

aku tiba² peka warna

After the reception

continue misi makan di Kg. Inanam Laut

mother & moi's ex-colleague

sekali ada celebration birthday her grandson

which also is my friend's son

Departed from the open house around 430pm

sampai rumah

aku kasi settle urusan 'peribadi' lagi

terus landing atas tilam nan best

tidur macam kerbau

bangun dekat Maghrib

Baru lah kan jadi pengikut setia c Laknat

boleh time gitu kunun

baru mau sedar diri

At this very moment

I am all alone at home

Mother went out...

meninguk wayang kunun

I wasn't invited to join

Boo hoo!

Never mind though

Ada house chores need to be done

laundry & melipat baju

Lepas semua ni habis

aku mau menuntun tv jap

before sambung membongkang

Bisuk kerja...perlu tenaga fresh

wah gitu.

Single what? White Female bah.

Alhamdulillah...I no longer craze for pizza. Alangkah macam budak kicik kau sana. Kind-hearted mother treated me dinner last night. How lucky she is to have me. Or is it the other way round?

Mother, brother & I had dinner at Pizza Hut, Gaya Street.

And as always, aku gaya lebey bila berposing. *Grunge: Note something?*

But this was a candid taken by brother.

After dinner...selesaikan huteng wayang. Devil evening it was for us. My review? It's 3/5. Hmm I can't really say much about this flick, u gotta watch it first. Only then will u knew what I meant. I like movie that involve supernatural power & let the brain does extra thinking.

Shyamalan's masterpieces never failed to amused me. Some might disagree with me but I still think his works are amazing. Devil is about sinners being punished by the evil supernatural. Remember the pic of a guy I posted in 1 of my previous entry? He's the D's most favoured sinner. The devil taken up a human form...trapped 4 other sinners in an elevator. With the intention to end their lives. Their deaths will pay for the sins they did. And Tony's was the greatest sinners among them. Hence the D chose for Tony to be the last that will be executed.

But Tony confessed his sins...and repented for what he did. The evil power obviously didn't like people who repent because that shows the sinners believe in God. And as we all has faith in, evil power will never be able to defeat the Almighty. So the Devil spare Tony's life; 'she' can't take him as he has redeemed himself through the confession he made. Devil went out from the elevator...and disappeared.

Or in my own imagination, perhaps looking for other sinners who refused to repent. Offering them to join his entourage on it's journey to hell. I respect the detective named Bowden whom wife & son were accidentally killed by Tony; for not holding any resentment. Bowden willingly forgives Tony for what he did. Cuba kalau in real life, mau mati sudah si Tony tu dikerjakan.

The importance to have faith in God, faith in the existence of Devil, faith in the power that forgiveness holds...all pointed out. Like I always believe, things happened around us are never coincidence. They are all connected to one another. Because things happened for a reason. And only 1 reason needed to make everything interrelated. That's what nature is; a system of reciprocally connected components (reasons). I learned valuable things from this movie.

Wah gitu...flick sesimple itu aku interpret panjang lebar. I read the director's mind very well huh. Pok silap disuruh jadi assistant dia bah ni. But I don't think I wanna be trapped in an elevator...even though with Tony inside. Because I kind of fear being in a confined space; I don't think such thing is a good idea for me. Yes peeps, I am claustrophobia.

In a different note. I have 2 raya open houses to attend this evening. Will be back early from work to get ready. Rio's gonna be my designated driver to Likas. The Grahams is coming as well. Aku adalah membawa 1 kampung join beraya. God's willing after so many cancelled meetings with Leny; this gonna be my first time meeting her new born baby girl; Zara Aludra. Betul gift untuk Zara akan tukar jadi benang ndak lama sebab aku jadi penangguh.

Later after Leny's, I will have to fetch Yam in KK prior heading to Zai's house in Sepanggar. Kizzy's gonna meet us there & guide us to her sister's house in Tuaran. Ada karang sesat kalau aku disuruh cari sendiri.

Makan dan makan lagi. Biar perut jadi bulat macam bola...and face round like the orange. Selagi ada rezeki, HARUS bersyukur. Ditarik balik tu nikmat, baru merasa sana.

Tiba² rasa mau hidupkan siren 'Single White Female'...sila jangan over CC itu ya.

Oooooppa

Pembatalan saat akhir si Yam for our movie date last night saved me from having to send

brother to Penampang. Aku adalah kemalesan maximum untuk putar balik alam mendrive. I was saved by her text yesterday's evening; literally.

Cancellation of meeting her means my craving for pizza hasn't settle as well. Had super late dinner at home, instead. Kangkung tauchu & minced meat fried with egg.

Super scrumptious meals not to forget super excess fat too. I have finally decided to only start executing my fat digestion mission next week. I'll permit the tummy to savour all the yummy raya dishes first. And once I pushed the commence button...I will not stop until all fats are gone. Yes harus berangan . It's the basic element to make life more cheerful.

There are 3 more open houses & a wedding reception to attend in the weekend. And I seriously hope the system will be tactful enough with my tummy. Oh dear digestion system, silalah terima apa sahaja yang masuk dalam sang perut. Please bear with her contents...at least until I allow u to fully operate ur function. 3 more days to go; so have mercy on her. Ara?

By the way, Kdrama titled Boys over Flowers has been bugging my mind lately. Kudos to cousin; Ezza for her persistent recommendation.

BoF is the Korea version of Hana Yori Dango (Japan) & Meteor Garden (Taiwan). Ezza has been telling me over & over about this drama ever since it was aired to public. But never once did I ever gave her the expected 'I want I want' kind of attitude. Instead I told her that I'm not interested to ruin my ga-ga over HYD. I have enough beautiful memories with Oguri Shun. Gue kok nggak mau berlaku curang gitu.

Yet after watching Still, Marry Me...Kim Bum seems to jeopardize my loyalty towards Oguri. Ahaks. Oppa John Hoon is at the top, still. No one could ever replace him hmm at least for the time being. I'm all ready 'body & soul' to download BoF. It's only because of the charming Kim Bum. Ngeh~~

And whoever thinks that my madness over Kdrama will one day fade...I beg u to reconsider ur thought. Wah gitu. Specially to Grunge & Mel. Franticness will only grow fonder...not the other way round. Kombawa for understanding.

Frustrated...some of the best Kdrama ndak dijual di Msia. If I were to buy them from the country itself...I will be clueless. No subtitle added. Haruskah belajar bahasa mereka? Argh sados.

Shaiton

M. Night Shyamalan's latest production; Devil is something I'll be looking forward tonight. Gonna have a movie date with my YS friend; Yam. I was thinking to watch it last night but had it cancelled. Kan kerajinan melanda.

Devil is 1 of the 3 chapters in The Night Chronicles.

Will I be stunned by this guy in the movie tonight? We'll see later. I read many not so bad testimonials about this boleh lah tahap hensem tu cute guy.

Let's see whether I'll be willing to be trap in an elevator with him...OR NOT.

Dinner pizza nanti...yes yes. Craving ku akan ternyahapus.

Previous post was a total pour out from the heart. I got it published once I finished it. It ain't a draft post I kept in the folder. Something discommoded the mind this morning, I feel like writing...and so the existence of such entry.

Anyways, Inong's house in Kinarut is where I was last night. Together with the ladies *sila rujuk gambar aku kemalasan menyebut nama..sekian* we invaded her house. It's been a year or so since I last met Inong at Chom's wedding reception in Subang. Nothing has changed...except for the spots 'new deco' on her face. Ohoo haruskah sebut? Mesti lah; sebab tu tanda dia kuat kerja. She told us she's kinda stress with work.

Group photo is like drug for us. We need it anytime & di mana jua. Wah gitu.

Chief Laura commenced the gossip advising session

The bite Chom got from KK. She's gonna bring this back to Singapore. A gift from her beloved friend. Ngeh~~~~

And I received her text...telling me that the husband asked her to consult a doctor & get an injection. Just a precaution for any infection. Laura & I were like...numb'F. It's the funniest news ever. Chom loving the bite though...she addressed the bite as a token of our close friendship. But wait...OUR? Whose that super attractive vampire female that bite her? Ahaks.

On a different note. I am all alone at home sweet home tonight. Mother's in Keningau; last minute outstation. And because I haven't stop munching since the 1^st of eid, I commanded the body to do some exercises at home. In order to shed few of the ever developing fats, I have to produce some sweat. Kerajinan melanda...after Maghrib, did my laundry. Vac-ed & mopped the house. Folded the piling clothes in the basket while watching AR.

Right now...while watching my all-time favorite TV show; CSI and blog in between the commercial ad, accompanied by my hot coffee I indulged in the raya cookies. So much of getting rid of the stubborn fats, huh? Harus ndak kan kurang kalau gini jak gaya. Ada jadi perut belon kau ni ndak lama cik Err.

Banyak makan, otak lembab wahai perempuan oii.

Self-monologue

What u give...u will get back; definitely . And I couldn't agree more with it. The Almighty 'pays' cash these days...regardless whether it's bad or good deeds.

No matter how far nor how fast u run just to get away from it, karma will always haunt u. I've learned my lessons so many times. Yet, being human I seem to never get enough of the lessons. It's like, I crave for it. Only to mature me & draw me closer to saneness.

Something came up to me last night. And I can't help but to be emotional with it. The word 'menggilai' is temporarily banned in my system...never to be used at least until the wound heals. I have to stay positive & shall not let that thing ruins my mood. No one is capable to 'poisoned' my spirit without my consent.

Mood swings ever since I was told about the news. I was drown to my DQ being right after hearing them. Fortunate that I always am, the ladies tried to cheer me up. Also chose to ignore dismiss my melancholic.

Back to those times, only God knows things I forced myself to swallowed. Allah SWT knows what's best for me & I will only rely on His plans. People could say anything they want nor labelling me with tags I wish to not hear...yet they will never know the truth. Even if I tried to explain...it will only be a waste of time. And I just don't feel like revealing. Bringing up the past will only let things grow worse. Let alone, dwelling. Oh please, I don't want that chips on my shoulder anymore.

I strongly believe everything happened in my life, has their own reason. That their occurrence are connected. And I also know that u get tit for tat. Whatever I suffered from; is the consequences of my own actions. Backbite someone...and u'll get worst than that. Triple than what u've said or done. I've been through that phase. I used to say mean things about people...and it hit me hard when people say meaner things about me. I was crazily mad at first but slolwy I learned no one shall be blame for it but myself.

Sekali kau buat orang sakit hati...sila jangan terkejut bila Allah hantar sejuta kali keperitan dalam hati kau. Last time, I did stupid mistakes. Well everyone does, right? I 'talked' about 2 of my friends' mothers. Although it's a true story; well according to the person who told me of course but still I don't have the right to judge nor commented more on the stories I heard. What I did was totally foolish & hard to be forgiven. As far as I remembered, I did spit out some curse words but never to the extent praying something bad to happen to them. Yet, what shot me recently was way big than what I've done. And I know that shot justified to what I did...Allah bayar cash & lebih banyak dari apa yang kita beri kepada orang.

Someone prayed for mother's death...hit by a truck. And someone wanted to put mother in the toilet & flushed her out. Even wish to sprayed her with insecticide. Truth to say, flame of anger filled my chest when a friend told me about it. I don't favour the idea to play as the victim because I've lost that role the moment I backbite. Alhamdulillah...aku cepat sedar diri. Aku buat A...tapi B buat aku triple bisa dari apa yang A rasa. Stooping to B's level is something I wished to do long time ago...but lucky enough I am surrounded with 'who think with their brain' kinda friends. Throwing back the bomb won't settled thing...won't make me look better either. Silence is the ultimate killer; and so did I responded. Balas jahat dengan kejahatan...make me look evil-er.

And I will not be surprise IF B would get triple triple worst from what I got. Because benda macam ni runs in cycle. Hidup ni kan umpama roda. The only way to make it stop is to let go & move on. Aku redha atas musibah yang jadi sama aku...itu tanda Allah masih sayang aku. Embrace the karma. There's no use to prolong...tuduh menuduh, tuding menuding jari; it will never solve anything. It must have been for the best that the All-Knowing, All-Seeing allowed me to be in this state.

I want to be better. Hence, I tell myself everyday Allah turunkan aku ujian hanya kerana 2 perkara. It's either to test my faith & patience or to vanish the sins I've done in the past. Semua itu over 1 tujuan...to ease my 'business' in the afterworld. So I could cross the siratal-mustakim's bridge tanpa perlu merasa ditelan api neraka. Harap lah pasni aku ndak cepat melatah bila ditegur...bila dijadikan bahan bualan.

Because I ain't perfect...aku pun jalani hidup menegur orang, mengata orang. Insya Allah, aktiviti tongol itu akan dikurangkan. Perlu jadi more alert dengan tatasusila sendiri...what's more with my straight-from-the-shoulder way of talking. Beloved Messenger said "Every son of Adam is a sinner & the best of sinners is the one who seek forgiveness".

Insya Allah...akan ku jalan hidup dengan penuh senyuman.

Sometimes aku suka emo..

Don't feel like waking up this morning. Don't feel like going to work. I was numb with cold. After two weeks on leave how could I easily gain the enthusiasm towards my work, back? Ugh...just so u know, that's cik Err spitting out her DQ persona.

Head spinning since morning. And just when I thought the gastric has left my system, another painful gassy chest attack occurred. Ok I ain't exaggerating this. It's what really happened. I was supposed to start my puasa 6 today but due to severe pain in the head & chest area, I decided to only fast next week. Laura & Stu came over to the cafe. We had brunch together. Sedap pula tu soto time unwell ni. Kuek kentut punya poyo gaban.

On a different note, Kollo & Wan wedding reception last night was totally a success. Seeing them together...finally tied up the knot after years of obstacles & trials in their relationship. I could feel the tears in my eyes upon watching their solemnization slide show on the big white screen in the banquette hall. Tried so hard to not let them stream down...and so it stopped. But once more the couples touched Laura & my heart when they entered the dancing floor, started holding hands & dance like no one's around them. Words simply couldn't explain the way Wan looks at my beloved petite friend; Jesse @ Kollo.

Congrats u both. Saya emo ni.

Kakak besar & Moi.

I've known this amazing lass back in my undergrad years. We're the only Sabahans in the class. And that had made the connection between us; pretty strong. Biar baru kenal, tapi 'jalan cerita' kami sync. Because she was feeling totally at ease telling me about her life...I know I should do the same way too. Being friends for only less than a year at that time, trust is the core foundation in our friendship. I could get to her any time I need her...and peeps, she's a friend I could always count on. Regardless how embarrassing my situation may be or how disgusting I feel about myself, never had once had she turns her back against me. Kollo I know dislike judging people because she doesn't like to be judge herself.

She graduated a year earlier than me...but we continue updating each other through chat & email. I went back to KK after I graduated but she stayed in Kolumpur; working. Yet, distant has NEVER been the reason for us to not keep in touch. Even after years of not seeing each other face to face, she's still eager to tell me about how her life sails. Masih bersemangat macam dulu.

Last night, on her beautiful elegant dais...she hold my hands so tight when I came to take picture with her & Wan. And she can't stop talking either. Just like old times...kami berebut mau bercakap. Lucky enough aku kesedaran orang ramai tengah tunggu turn untuk bergambar with  them. Diorang busy gila aku cuma sempat ambil gambar sekali jak. Uhuk sedih.

Ok enough...narrating about our friendship would take years to finish. Anyway, we chatted early this morning...it's the 'belakang tabir cerita kahwin saya' chapter. Like I said earlier, memang ndak kan habis kalau kami jak bercerita.

Anyway, do u remember about my previous post where I said I would cease the process of absorbing raya food? After the reception last night, I was supposed to execute the plan already. But because I super brilliant suggested Chom to cook tonight & invited the whole PPGFs to gather at her sis's house....I think that mission will be put on hold again. Betapa keji tuan punya badan terhadap sistem perkumuhannya. Don't know when to commence the mission because we have another 2 houses to invade tomorrow night; Inong's & Linda's. Another open house & a wedding reception this Sunday. Perut akan jadi super doraemon...yay for that!

Still grateful for the rezeki...makan selagi boleh, tapi jangan jak overloaded. Nanti penyakit lain pula datang.

Blast Off

Right at this moment, I want to declare the body is no longer capable to absorb any amount of food. NOT. Still have 1 open house & 1 wedding reception to attend tonight so I'll put the declaration on hold first. It will commence officially after the reception. Sila consider possibility untuk ditangguh lagi until tomorrow.

I've been eating like there's no tomorrow. Tummy is getting out of shape...round is it's new shape. Last Friday night, I saw the new McD advertisement. Triple double cheeseburger. People close to me knows my craziness over cheeseburger. And how could I ever resist when McD offers 3 layers of cheese & 3 layers of big patty in a single burger? Oh my, please do not remind me of the calories it carries. Thank You...it's very much appreciated.

The moment I saw the ads, I immediately crave for it. Nafsu gaban gila. So I text bro who's in KK & commanded him to get it for me. Sudah ndak mau kalah, siap pesan meal lagi. Alah regular size aja dong. And yes, I've settled my craving. Alhamdulillah rezeki tetap murah. Tummy continues developing more non-degradable fats.

Different story. But still makan² involved. Attended Jes & Keggy's wedding reception yesterday during lunch hour. Menumpang kereta si Laura. Car pooling is good to lessen air pollution. Wah gitu. It was such a great miraculous enjoyable reception. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves.

Group photo before we called the evening off.

Delectable guest with the newly weds.

Our presence made it more merrier. *NOD PLEASE*

Rio, Grunge & I didn't join the after party at Keggy's house. Rio wasn't feeling so well & I haven't perform my AsPra. Lagi pula, Grunge & I needed to save some space in the stomach for we have another makan sesh in Putatan later that night. Open house at Ell's.

We were so occupied with the scrumptious food served, I forgot to take picture with the hostess. It's a very rare of me; really. The food seriously did 'poisoned' me. We ate like nobody's business. Ass sticked on the chair & we only got up to take more foods. And paling last berdiri untuk berangkat pulang.

And now I need to vac the house before getting ready to Zai's open house. Will meet Kizzy there. Group photo sesh I super like.

Gonna leave u with Siti's evergreen Purname Merindu. 1 of the many song of hers I love humming & singing.

Adakah ia hanya di bibir saja?

Rindu serindunya

Happy Malaysia Day ya'll.

Tu dia poyo pingsan. It's the public holiday for Malaysian. Rugi rasa sebab I'm still in my eid leaves. Woke up early this morning...right after SuPra. Helped mother out with the food preparation. Cleaned the house. Bla bla bla. All was ready by 10am.

Things I got from Ubud, Bali. Sumbangan nan sumbang.

4 simple dishes from us. Apart from nasi impit + kuah kacang. Membazir amalan si laknat...jadi masak ala kadar. Wah gitu.

Aunty & cousins came not long after I put on my purple baju kedah. Like, perlukah memberitahu? Please ignore the roundness of my recent face shape.

The pic where Laura wasn't alert of the flash.

Ahaks. I only invited the PPGs & Posers to come. Will be helding another makan²session specially for my YS ladies. If I were to invite all the friends, karang ada rumah jadi macam sardin. 'Jammed' packed. Paham jak lah saiz rumah nan sederhana ni.

Was supposed to meet Ernie & 1month old Aariz tonight but I guess something came up she's still in Ranau. Kizzy text me telling Ernie's will be leaving for Kolumpur tomorrow evening. I'm not sure whether I'll be able to meet her before departure or not. Will try my best to make it happened...haven't meet little Boy yet. Belum dapat gigit juga. And speaking of biting, Lyn told me the other day that Aniki's looking for me. Harus lawat budak kicik itu.

Courtesy of Ernie. Mommy with little Aariz.

Suddenly rindu untuk cuddle Aniki. Auwwwmmm!