Sedang menanti cucian siap. Madam besar suruh bereskan semua kerja rumah as we'll be away for few days. Alkisah; kami kan bercuti Kaamatan. Nilah specialty tinggal di Sabah. Ahaks.

Balik dari kenduri tahlil tadi...laju jak aku bereskan senarai kerja² yang perlu disettlekan. Mother managed to get all tasks assigned printed in my mind. Sebab berapa kali ulang ntah masa dalam kereta tadi. "Sampai ni, Bibie vac rumah kan?" *psiko juga c madam ni...instead of ayat command, she used ala soalan gitu* then not long after "Ooo mama tau suda apa mau buat sampai nanti. Kemas tu fridge. Jadi kita sama² ada kerja". Ya ibunda terchenta, anak mu menjunjung perintah. Faham seribu kali faham. MY respond? Smirk jak lah...malas sudah poyo² menjawab.

First aku buat, vac the house. Then mopped the floor. Sambil tu, dirty laundry was already in the machine. Kira superwoman juga aku. Last aku buat, lipat kain baju. And finalized things to bring tomorrow. Wah ayat siap finalized tu yang buat aku mau muntah hijau pekat. Kepoyoan harus.

Jap jap...TIPU. Last aku buat sebenarnya menjemur kain baju yang sudah dicuci. But in between mopping just now, sempat aku reply comments & update status di mukabuku. Tu pun sebab c madam mandi & solat. Hahaha mau bulat buntang mata dia tu kalau nampak aku bertenggek depan c Asus.

By the way I've got something to share. Lately, my heart beats a bit weird. Macam lari tune. The beat kejap kencang...kejap slow. Palpitation; that is. Aku kerisauan. Sebab early this year, the same thing happened. And a week later, aunty Ana passed away. Same goes before my trip to Kolumpur. I've been saying in my entries where I go gaga & agitated over the trip...masa tu the beat memang sudah lari sana sini. Time tulah kapal yang aku naik berlegar² di awan biru for nearly 2 hours before it went back to KK. A week later, nenek Papar passed away.

Ok giler saiko lah kau cik Err. Like; giler gilak. Apa kau ingat kau ada hidden so called talent untuk predict someone's death. That wasn't my intention, really. What I am trying to say here is, since hati aku didn't dance the usual rhythm for the past few days I fear that something not so good will happened. It's not that I long for bad things to happened...but there's nothing wrong to take precaution & jadikan benda tu as reminder, right.

Therefore, esok hari akan berceramah lebih kurang. Mau remind the drivers to be extra careful. Its raining season here, the road must be slippery jadinya harus avoid reckless driving. 3 kenderaan jak bisuk...the van, the dmax & the citra. The cousin a.k.a budak² will be riding on the van. Yes, in the family aku tergolong dalam kategori budak. Although I am the eldest among the cousins. Still, among aunties & uncles aku masih budak. Ngeh~~

Insya Allah it's gonna be a safe holiday trip for all of us. Kalau pun jadi apa² along the road or during the holiday...itu semua sudah ketentuan Dia. Whatever it is, aku TETAP doa semua akan selamat. This tongol beat of my heart is nothing actually...aku jak tu kerisauan lebih.

Biasalah, I could be such a sayur pahit some time. Semua orang pun...jadi jangan cuba mau cakap "ndak lah, aku cool". LOL pathetic banget mengajak orang jadi sayur pahit juga.

Oppsss terlebih masa. Aku perlu packing. Matai lah ni lambat tidur...lambat bangun. Pengsan lah dengar lagu dangdut ceramah ni.

Alkisah di hari Empat

Assalamualaikum & hi...

*mengapa harus poyo tiba² ni ah* Alaaaa bagi salam tu dapat pahala tau...bagus dijawab supaya kita together² dapat bonus.

Today started a bit early for me. Woke up at 6; bersiap ala kadar. And off I went to Pasar Besar KK. Alkisah, I was being assigned to buy the kuih muih for late aunt Ana's kenduri tahlil 100 days this evening. Mau dikasi sedekah sama tetamu yang hadir. Memborong kuih di awal pagi...100 biji semua ok. Harus tangan ku ala² lenguh sudah saat ni ok.

Happy tahap gaban awal pagi ni. Kenapa? Sebab...adalaaaaaah. Ndak mau lah reveal sini sebab malu sei. Baru lah keperasanan di situ kan. Macamlah orang interested teruja gila mau tau sebab musabab kau happy. Erk. Biarlah, at least ada juga tau kawan² yang sms or email tanya perkembangan *bukan saiz badan* aku. Bila aku jarang update blog dorang tanya why why why. Comel lawa Pathetic macam aku juga...mau jimat credit phone; therefore entries di blog dikasi jadi medium untuk update segala bahan cerita baru.

Anyways, mari move on to kisah aku + flu. In my twentyeight years of life...this is the 1st time aku diserang flu yang sangat extreme. All this while, aku SELALU marah why was it so hard for me to sneeze. Ha sekarang ambik kau...bersin macam orang ndak pernah bersin. Maybe selama ni semua dikumpul...now; all is released at one go. Hidung sudah ndak comel warna dia...gara² melecet so it looks a bit darker than the other area on my face. Pastu, aku takut mau blow that greenish sticky colloid out. Mainly because, blood clots went out juga. This occurred since yesterday evening. Patutlah rasa macam pedih dalam hidung ni. GRUNGE; NO. Bukan pimple yang saya ter-pinch ah. Sah lah ni; panas dalam badan...or residues dari nosebleeds kelmarin.

Oh lupa, hari tu aku ada cakap kunun mau pigi kasi mandi c Kens kan. Hahaha sampai ke saat ini, sesungguhnya dia masih dalam keadaan comot. Gila eh...2 weeks without shower. Kalaulah dia ada kelenjar peluh...mau busuk masam sudah minah tu. Keji betul tuan kau kan Kens. Janji tinggal janji; hujan dijadikan alasan.

But...I could avoid 2 things if I hindered the noble intention to bathe Kens. First; ndak lah aku frust & regret if after mandi tu tiba² hujan. Yang mana will lead me to the second excuse; ndak lah juga aku tambah dosa merungut nikmat Dia bagi. Silap sikit ayat, memang label ungrateful jadi milik aku lagi sekali. Kau fikir ayat "Alah hujan lagi...tinguk kotor balik ni keta" tu kecil makna dia. Or "Adui bah...kenapalah kau hujan. Balik² hujan jak!" ndak da makna? Tu sudah masuk group ndak redha dengan kejadian or anugerah Dia. Dikasi hujan merungut...sekali dikasi kemarau, pun masih merungut. Haduyailah manusia *termasuk aku juga tu ah*.

Kakak besar a.k.a big sister + family will arrive KK town in less than 10 hours. I can't wait. Maya is so big now & aku takut jak anak campuran tu lupa sepa Aunty Pisang dia. Ndak pa, aktiviti memancing undi perhatian Maya akan bermula segera. Ada sudah kawan aku mau berjimba lepas ni...yang boleh tarik pigi mana². Because she can't simply say NO to me. Only under certain circumstances; NO dia tu boleh diterima pakai. The fact that Maya will be joining the bffs lepak sessions *note the plurality*...pumps more adrenaline to the system. Kami ada ahli junior sudah...pelapis PPG. Yay for that.

Petang ni before heading to Bungsu's for the kenduri tahlil...will be going to CKS with mother. Groceries shopping for the trip. List berjela...jangan membazir nanti sudah.

The Sabahans will be in holiday mode till Tuesday next week. Cafe buka next Weds...wah cuti sakan lah ni kali. And also means, cash pun mengalir macam air.

Jadinya, selamat bercuti lah sama semua ya. To those yang celebrate wesak...Happy Wesak Day. To the kadazan/dusun people; Kotobian Tadau Tagazo do Kaamatan.

Ku ingat pindik jak..rupanya berjela juga.

Seawal pagi...after sending the love letters off to the respective debtors; kembali ke ofis. Duduk depan pc since then. Ntah apa lah dibuat. Pura² sibukkan diri...teliti balik salary report that I printed last Monday. Aku pun pening sendiri apa lah kunun yang mau diteliti & diperbetul. Semua sudah finalize...some staffs sudah pun terima gaji.

Pastu aku pura² lagi macam sibuk...rombak balik files yang baru aku assort yesterday. Patheticnya hidup di kala cuti semester ni. Yang datang ke cafe boleh dibilang dengan jari...still aku bersyukur sebab rezeki masih ada. Biarlah income ala kadar. Daily expenses beli barang² basah + kering pun bukan banyak. In more logic words, memang ndak rugi apa pun. Syukurla kalau pulang modal jak...kan yang sikit itu pun dikira rahmat. Jangan kau pandang yang sikit tu tiada nilai ya cik Err. Setiap yang sedikit tu punya nilai di sebaliknya kalau kau tau bersyukur & menghargai pemberian Allah. Boleh jadi manis dia lagi terasa compare kalau kau dapat banyak.

Time gini memang rasa pulang rumah & tidur lagi best. Bungsu pun pelik kenapa aku turun pigi cafe. Last week when I was in Kolumpur, Angah siap suruh extend my holiday until end of May. Siap offer mau bayar ticket aku. Nasib juga aku berat ndak mau extend...mainly because aku teringat salary report yang belum siap aku buat. And mau atur work schedule staffs lagi. Also mau memungut hutang piutang katering yang belum langsai. Perlu buat semua tu before semester reopen.

Alhamdulillah juga...I went back as planned. Selalu aku cakap, thing happened for a reason kan. Sebab kenapa aku berat rasa mau balik KK tu ari...I guess I finally have the answer for that. Nenek Papar passed away last Thurs evening; 2 days after I arrived from Kolumpur. Kalau aku ikut suggestion Angah, aku ndak kan dapat attend the funeral. Aku akan missed hantar jenazah arwah ke kubur. Aku akan missed dengar talkin. Menghantar jenazah ke kuburan itu hak sesama saudara seIslam. And dengar talkin tu bagus, buat aku dekat dengan akhirat. Jadinya, aku adalah satisfied with myself untuk tegar keras sticked with my decision.

By the way, area hidung sudah melecet teruk. I think rubbing the area with regular tissue was kind of inappropriate. Sudah area tu sensitif...yang aku pula kalau mengesat harus cara yang paling kasar. Yang konon nampak macam comel. And now, it has become more smarting & look reddish. Barulah cute kali...sebab sudah rupa macam incik clown. Aduyai.

The nose bleed just now. I guess the body temperature increase a bit hence the bleeding. Padahal duduk dalam bilik berhawa dingin. Luckily, it lasted only for less than 2 minutes. Kalau lama sikit tu, adalah aku pengsan sendiri² dalam ofis ni. Gila ko kalau darah banyak...otak ndak dapat proses any data tau. Semua proses terhenti & the brain only know 1 word by then...jatuh pitam. This time, the flu attack is rather extreme. Aku terpaksa hembus angin keluar dari telinga because hearing echoes irritate me big time. Ala, kaedah yang kau kena kepit hidung & tutup mulut...and breathe out tu. I have to do that very often these days. Kalau ndak, akan dengar suara dengung every time I say a word. Or worst, tengah duduk diam² pastu rasa macam ada bee trapped inside the canal. Ndak kegemaran di situ ah.

Ok...perlu klik tab 'publish post' like; now. Tummy sudah start berkugiran. Ndak lama keluar ni lagu Kuch Kuch Hota Hei. Ndak pun nanti bercucukan bintang bila gastric juice hit the system. Which I really need to avoid having for the time being.

Berlabuh tirai dluan..

Maaf andai ini melukakan

Hmm...aku rasa today shall be mark as a bad day for some of my darling friends. Sorry to hear about that. I really am.

As much as korang rasa sedih...aku harap korang kekalkan kewarasan. Jangan biar rasa sedih tu kuasai akal fikiran. Itu peluang keemasan untuk sang durjana pesongkan iman. Never give them the space to wangle with ur mind...because consequences dari tindakan di luar kawalan akal; adalah sangat bisa. It's something every human being regret.

Ok fine, akan ada cakap NO REGRET AT ALL & that dorang puas if dapat lepaskan rasa sedih tu. Which at one point, rasa sedih will soon convert to revenge. Dendam is benda paling busuk; yang boleh jadikan hati keras beku. Bila hati keras, apa pun nasihat or motivasi susah untuk diserap masuk dalam sistem akal. And it became harder untuk akal assess & judge.

But seriously, dalam pada orang² tu bangga angkat slogan "NO REGRET"... kita ndak kan tau what the heart really says, right? What they really feel deep down inside. Maybe hati pun meronta menangis; telling the system to stop the so called pelepasan rasa sedih. Tapi kerana ego...ditambah bisikan manis bak madu sang durjana; kadang kala mulut akan lontar apa jak yang terbuku dalam hati.

sigh alangkah rugi jadi orang yang begitu. I was there; many times before. Bukan maksud aku, I've totally change now. Tipu sebab ada masa taring aku keluar juga ndak kena tempat. But at least...kalau aku rasa sedih or disappointed or devastated sekarang ni, I am able to channel out them in better way. Not all the time of course. But, most of the time I am mindful that showing off my devastation won't do me any good.

Dulu...lepas putus cinta semua kata madu sumpah seranah keluar. Bukan jak time putus cinta, time tengah gaduh pun sama. Duh! Ruginya rasa diri pungut bertong dosa.

In every relationships I had; I was always the one who walked away. But thing was a lil bit different when I broke up with that someone. Palinglah aku rasa terpukul tersmash segala. Ambil kau...baru kau tau kan cik Err apa lelaki² tu rasa saat kau tinggalkan dorang terkontang terkanting. Padan muka kau. Bila kejadian putus cinta sama lelaki not so special ni; aku jadi penghasil dendam paling hebat. Paling unggul. Ntah apa jak aku doa untuk dia...ntah apa jak aku maki dia...ntah apa jak aku umpat dia. Jijik sama diri sendiri every time I recall apa yang sudah berjaya diletak atas neraca timbang untuk aku di sana nanti.

Truth to be told; dalam aku sibuk bina tugu kebencian caci maki untuk lelaki itu...rupanya titik hitam yang dulu kecil di hati aku jadi makin besar. Pastu merebak...and terjadilah penyakit hati. Semua pun aku benci. Semua pun aku ndak puas hati. I don't know how long I take to fortified the so called monument. Until 1 time...aku ndak rasa apa². Kepenatan membenci, kepenatan mengumpat, kepenatan rasa marah. Apa yang tinggal? Balik juga sama kesedihan yang jadi trigger untuk semua.

Slowly I learn how to let thing go...slowly I managed to embrace the bliss from letting the nature taking its course. Bila kami in touch, aku rasa tenang. Serious aku pelik. I was wondering mana semua rasa busuk yang pernah aku ada dulu.

Masa tu baru aku sedar...monument yang aku bina tu lah yang sudah sucked up semua rasa busuk tu. Tapi aku ndak kesedaran because I have let myself to move on. Untuk terima ujian Allah dengan redha. Ikhlas ndak boleh aku cakap sebab itu hanya Dia yang layak untuk menilai.

I wrote this entry not to brag or anything associated with it...tapi as a friend; I guess I have the right to say something when I feel that thing aren't the way it's supposed to be. Hidup di dunia ni sementara jak, jadi ndak salah bah kan kalau saling mengingati.

When I did something wrong, I'm glad if friend(s) pointed it out. And show me the right path. Bukan point out untuk jadikan weapon to go against me in the future...yang tu definitely different case here. Buang ke laut kes gitu.

Time bercinta bukan main kemaruk...kenapa sudah putus; bermaki²an. Bercakap benda yang ndak pernah wujud dalam kamus hidup. Canang cerita yang patut disimpan dalam kain masing². Ungkit itu ungkit ini. Doa yang bukan². Haip...harus ingat ok Dia ndak suka tau cara yang ini. Tu belum campur yang suka mengugut. Maruah dijadikan taruhan & umpan. Alahai...benda tu untuk budak belasan tahun, maybe I could try to undersand. But for people my age...ndak kesesuain di situ.

It's better to pray good things for them...pahala both pun dapat. Ndak susah hati. Fine, memang ada rasa geram at first but if dapat buat diri remain calm, harus semua akan jadi baik² saja.

Allah tidak bagi kesusahan sama hamba Nya melainkan kesusahan tu disebabkan oleh hamba itu sendiri.

Time to learn more...

The parcel I received upon arriving home yesterday...drew a wide happy smile on my face.

I've been waiting for this to arrive at my doorstep ever since the gorgeous mommy-to-be told me she's got the parcel posted. Thanks mucho darling friend...I owe u big time. Like; huge. Pahala adalah besar share ilmu sama orang.

Let's doa I'll learn more from it. Insya Allah.

Last night was what I called sick time for moi. I sneeze the whole evening the left eye got pretty swollen up. Mata aku merah macam naga. Qualify sudah kalau mau hembus nafas berapi. Ngeh~~

Nothing much I did at home...finished the laundry, folded the piling clothes & watched tv with mother. 2 movies kami tinguk...and 2 tuala berjaya aku cemari dengan hasil bersin aku. Tu dia...baru betul² lepas gian bersin. Selalu perlu fokus sama lampu or awan...ni kali lah kau tunjuk perasaan ya cik Bersin. No worries though, ur presence are very much appreciated.

Bila time sakit nilah...baru mau mensyukuri masa² sihat. At least flu & mild cough jak...ada orang sakit teruk; tapi masih boleh nikmati anugerah Allah. Therefore, stop the whining already cik Err. Ala aku bukan komplen pun, just sharing kan apa kejadian diri aku.

May is coming to an end. Like; wow cepat juga 2010 ni masuk setengah tahun suda. Lamest statement ever!

Anyhow, I hope akan period time bercuti sama family nanti. Why? Supaya ndak menambah dosa mengasi tinggal solat. Selalu time bercuti² lah aku akan pandang remeh perkara yang kasi kuat tiang agama tu...remeh as in, aku qada' instead of tunaikan on time. Memang lah kebodohan aku di situ...ntah apa yang susah mau solat on time. Duduk depan si Asus berjam...wandered around the mall berhari berjam...boleh pula kan. Aishh.

Today, nothing much happened. Normal life macam hari normal yang biasa. I've finished MY filings work. The only thing I'm too lazy to do is to hand out the surat saman cinta to the debtors. Will get it all done by tomorrow.

Now, masa untuk baca buku. Sign out of the chat room...mukabuku...and the blog page. Nanti aku akan mengongsi pelajaran baru dari buku tu. Insya Allah.

*p/s to PUAN ErnieKhairinaMahtar: Saya kagum sebab tu buku nampak macam real book even though itu adalah hasil fotokopi. Bukan plagiat bah kan sebab tujuan adalah baik*

Phew~~

Flu really plays its important role in my life today. Up to this moment, I’ve used up 1 packet of Premier regular tissue & 1 packet of Pureen wet tissues...to wipe my teary eyes & also to blow my nose. Ok haruskah poyo untuk mention jenama tisu yang diguna? *angguk2 kepala*

I need to use a fresh new ply every time I wanted to blow the nose or wipe the eyes. Now I feel that the nose area is thinning. It’s kind of smarting whenever I wipe the area using the wet tissue. Perhaps, rubbing using the regular tissue was a bit too harsh for the area.

Can’t do much work today as aktiviti lelehan berlaku incessantly...somehow I find it kind of disturbing my concentration. Not to forget the teary eyes that come the very second right after I sneeze; without failed. Mata adalah pedih ok. And teary eyes pula always associated with the word sleepy. Aduiyai; gue udah kecukupan tidur malam tadi dong. Ndak kan mau tidur lagi di ofis...ndak pasal² jadi panda ni.

If Chenta Hati was here...I will be hearing stuffs like “Cukupla gosok hidung...sudah ndak mancung, nanti lagi ndak mancung” or “Ee cute pula ko bersin kan”. And always; ketawa besar will followed right after the latter was uttered. Tapi aku memang BANGGA bukan riak, bila kena puji gitu. Pernah kau dengar orang puji chenta hati dorang gitu? Ha...tu pasal lah aku konon suka because it's one of very rare kind of a compliment. Titik. Ok, apa la kunun kes tiba2 di tengah hari buta ni aku terbitkan aura kerinduan. Berpenyakitan berterusan.

Bagus pay attention sama lelehan di hidung ni...YET the only problem that worries me now, alkisah aku running out of tissue supply. Boleh ka guna kuasa ala² veto untuk suruh the driver pigi beli tisu. Of courselah bukan sepaket dua ok...keji gila kalau aku suru beli gitu jak. Harus aku akan suruh beli at least berkotak. Yang boleh buat stok untuk tahun depan...wah tu dia kepoyoan macam si bontot kucing.

Lucky aku jumpa minyak kapak dalam beg...bukan 1 tapi 2 botol ok. Alah botol cenoet tu jak lah. Still, enough to cease lelehan dari berterusan. Alhamdulillah...tinggal mata ku jak yang macam dari planet ntah apa ni. Merah macam naga...

Alkisah ketiadaan air di cafe buat aku rasa betul² rasa macam mau balik rumah & zzZZzzz. Perlu aku berjalan pusing library nan besar ni untuk tunaikan hajat & ambil wudhu'. Alamak...tipu. Bukan berjalan tapi naik miss Kens. Ngeh~~panas ok, harus lah ndak mau cair kalau guna superwalkertapaki.

Ndak pa, will be back in an hour. Since yesterday I didn't get to bring Kens for bathe, hari ni harus singgah WM. She really needs to bathe...comot suda ku tinguk kulit nan hitam itu emas si Kens ni. Imagine...last dia mandi was before I flew to Kolumpur. Punyalah zaman tok kaduk kan. Aishh.

Tenanglah Hati

Setiap hari kita ketawa. Setiap hari kita jumpa kawan. Setiap hari kita dapat apa yang kita nak.

Tapi..kenapa hati kita tak gembira?

Kita sembahyang setiap hari. Kita berdoa selalu pada Allah. Kita mintak sungguh-sungguh pada Allah. Tapi...kenapa susah sangat doa kita nak makbul? Sedangkan Allah ada berfirman.

"Berdoalah pada Ku, nescaya akan Ku kabulkan...,"

Apa masalah kita?

Hati kita tak gembira sebab kita tak pernah bersyukur dengan apa yang kita ada. Kita tak pernah nak menghargai setiap nikmat yang kita dapat. Kita asyik memikirkan benda yang kita tak ada, sampai kita lupa melihat nikmat sekeliling kita.

Kita berdoa, tapi kenapa payah sangat doa kita Allah nak makbulkan?

Sebab kita asyik meminta pada Allah, tapi kita tak pernah mintak ampun pada Allah, sedangkan dosa-dosa kita terlampau banyak pada Allah. Alangkah tidak malunya kita. Kita merintih, kita merayu agar Allah makbulkan doa kita. Tapi, lepas kita dapat kesenangan kita lupa pada Allah, kita tak bersyukur pada Allah. Bila dah datang kesusahan, baru nak ingat Allah balik. Baru nak menangis, merintih..mintak Allah pandang kita. Macam mana Allah nak makbulkan doa kita?

Cuba kita renung diri kita. Cuba hitung, berapa kali kita sebut kalimah syukur dalam satu hari? Tak payah seminggu, cukuplah sehari sahaja. Berapa kali agaknya? Itupun kalau ada sebut la..

Pernah kita bangun malam, solat sunat...solat tahajud..solat taubat? Pernah? Ada...waktu zaman sekolah dulu. Itupun, lepas kene ketuk dengan warden, suruh bangun. Lepas tu...ada? Ada...time dah nak exam...waktu rasa result macam ada aura nak fail. Siap buat solat hajat lagi! Lepas dapat result tu, ada tak buat sujud syukur? Hmm...entah la, tak ingat pulak.

Hari-hari kita buat baik. Kita tolong orang. Kita sedekah dekat orang. Kita buat macam-macam. Tapi kenapa kita tak dapat nak rasa kemanisan setiap perbuatan yang kita lakukan tu? Hati kita tetap jugak tak tenang. Kenapa ye? Sebab dalam hati kita tak ada sifat ikhlas. Mulut cakap ikhlas, hati kata lain. Macam mana tu? Kita tolong orang sebab nak harapkan balasan. Nakkan pujian. Nakkan nama. Kita riak dengan setiap kebaikan yang kita buat. Macam mana hati nak tenang? Bila dapat kejayaan, kita bangga dengan apa yang kita ada. Mula nak menunjuk-nunjuk dekat orang. Sampai lupa siapa sebenarnya yang bagi kejayaan tu dekat kita.

Alangkah tidak malunya kita...Allah ciptakan kita sebagai khalifah di bumi ni. Kitalah sebaik-baik kejadian yang Allah pernah ciptakan sehinggakan semua makhluk sujud pada bapa kita, Nabi Adam kecuali Iblis Laknatullah. Betapa Allah muliakan kejadian manusia.

Tapi, kita sendiri tidak memelihara diri kita.

Kita lupa tanggungjawab kita sebagai hamba. Kita lupa kepada yang mencipta diri kita. Bahkan, kita alpa dengan nikmat yang ada. Nabi Muhammad s.a.w, pada saat malaikat ingin mencabut nyawa Baginda, Baginda masih memikirkan umat-umatnya. Ummati! Ummati! Sampai begitu sekali sayang Rasulullah pada kita. Tapi kita....? Kita lupa pada Baginda Rasul. Berat benar lidah kita nak berselawat ke atas baginda. Macam mana hati kita nak tenang?

Lembutkanlah hati kita. Tundukkan lah diri kita pada Allah. Bersyukur dengan nikmat yang Allah pinjamkan pada kita. Semua itu tidak akan kekal. Bila-bila masa Allah boleh tarik balik semua itu. Ikhlas kan lah hati dalam setiap perkara yang kita buat.

Sesungguhnya, hanya Allah sahaja yang berkuasa menilai keikhlasan hati kita. Insya Allah, kita akan dapat merasai kelazatan halawatul iman itu sendiri. Tenanglah dikau wahai hati...

Credit goes to AINUL MARDIYAH @ mawaryangtinggi from iLuvislam.com

Just got back from Papar. Late Nenek Papar's 3^rd days kenduri tahlil. The family won't be able to attend the 7^th days tahlil because it clashes with late aunt Ana's 100^th days. Time sure fly fast these days...sedar² it's been 3 months since she left us.

Actually aku pun pelik with this tahlil stuff. Sebab kalau baca mana² buku agama, memang ndak da mention pasal tahlil whatsoever. Even zaman Rasulullah SAW pun memang ndak da buat benda ni. Erm...adat kali. As long as it doesn't conflict with hukum hakam dalam agama, I think it's fine. Bagus juga diamalkan sebab kira sedekah Yassin & apa² untuk arwah di 'sana'. Sedih juga bila dengar the olderly bagitau the children...the other way round. That; this tahlil stuff is part of benda wajib in Islam. Ok cut it already...aku ni bukan juga pandai bab² agama so dari cakap benda merapu buat orang salah ajaran, I better stop now. Ngeh~~

My fever has left the system. Syukur alhamdulillah. Flu hasn't but to add the ongoing party in the system, diarrhea came visiting this evening. I'm not sure when will it leaves but up to this moment there's no sign whatsoever of its leaving me. I shall worry no more...its not like I get to be sick everyday, right. So I'll just enjoyed this moment then. Well at least, the oh so sexy sexay voice hasn't leave me yet. Lucky me...my answered has been answered. wink

Mood has been swinging lately...petanda menstruum akan melanda. And I'm trying my best to handle the swing. So far, I succeeded in diverting them. Yes, bangga di situ.

Next Fri will be going up to Kundasang with the family. Sangat excited...time with family is always the 1st thing I look forward to. Harus sedih sebab Angah + co. will not be there with us this time. Incomplete...but still know the trip is going to be a total blast. Insya Allah.

Last night I had quite a rough time to sleep. Itchy throat & stuffy nose aren't helping the situation much.

I'm in denial no more...and here I officially announce the body system is in need of a great rest. Indeed. As much as I want to get rid of the throat's itchiness & runny nose...badly I want the oh-so-sexy sexay voice to last. Like; forever.

I always love this kind of voice...husky & sexy. Ok dipersila untuk muntah di situ. But hey, at least I'm being honest here. Sangat suka dengar suara ala² hidung tersumbat. And NO, it's not that nasal voice ok. BUKAN SENGAU. Repeat, BUKAN SENGAU.

When I was in Kolumpur...I was supposed to be down with fever & flu. But I managed to put them on hold. And, janji ditunaikan. They strike few days after I touched down KK. Punyalah no mercy langsung; keji & kejam tau. Oopsie...shouldn't be complaining about being unwell for now. As said in 1 of my entry before, being sick means the venial sins vanishes bit by bit. Harus ucap syukur ok.

Was a bit discouraged & downhearted few days back. I don't know why did I let words uttered by non-important people in my life...affect how I feel. Huge impact they have on me. Serious sedih though the brain is so much aware; that particular statements should be given a pass. Because I love melancholy & drama queening myself...I took those not so great words badly & go dotty over it. Pastu migraine sendiri²...headache sendiri².

Duh; haruskah benarkan non-living things invade the peacefulness of my life. Blame no one, but me. Boleh jak bah tu kasi keluar shield untuk protect diri dari serangan. Instead, I chose to dance with that displeasing tune. Confirm aku adalah tone-deaf. Ugh.

Fortunate enough, the brilliant side of me emerged. Ni kali baru lah ngam; on time kau show off skill pandai. Unlike kes lappy & pc yang kau kasi jahanam tu cik Err. Baca buku Dayang gave me seakan bawa diri yang hanyut dengan sorrows back to the right track. Alhamdulillah...si laknat durjana a.k.a sang setan gagal untuk buat aku terus down.

The motivational book titled Jangan Bersedih by Dr. 'Aidh Abdullah Al-Qarni; has helped me so much in time of despair. Bila hati gundah...bila hati rasa sedih...bila hati rasa sesak...bila hati rasa mau berhenti dari berfungsi; this book jadi sang penyelamat. Loads of things have I learned from it.

And adalah suka untuk buat pengakuan, kata² in the book has somehow minified the ever boiling temper in my system. Thanks Dayang for the gift...memang berguna untuk orang yang selalu rasa as if akulah orang paling sedih dalam dunia ni. Ok, that was then. I began to appreciate more about life after reading the book. U gave me that book right on time.

Gila; masa tu fikiran melayang²...mana mau handle hati nan rapuh, kerja yang konon ala melambak, pastu perangai BK yang menyesakkan jiwa. Memang double triple ugh masa tu. Ehem...macamlah kan masalah aku tu mark the end of the world.

Like; duhhh. Orang luar sana lagi besar masalah dari kau lah cik Err.

It's said that what doesn't kill u; will make u stronger. And I couldn't agree more on that. I have become wiser ever since...I rise & shine regardless the bruises & wounds. There's so much in life...dari griping benda² tongol.

Hidup hanya sekali...lagipun tiada siapa keluar dari kehidupan ni hidup².

"Jika orang bodoh bercakap, janganlah engkau menjawabnya. Sebab sebaik² jawapan baginya adalah diam seribu bahasa"
Ok...ndak mau membalas or lengthen the case already. Because; by responding to such stupidity won't make me look better. RIGHT?

Yesterday datang cafe untuk buat gaji...time cuti semester ni, staffs work on weekly shift. Since next week the Sabahans akan berpublic holiday super panjang; harus kasi siap semua kerja awal. Some staffs pun perlu digaji awal. Aku juga gaji on time. Hampas kelapa.

By the way, last night sesi meninguk Shrek Forever After (The Final Chapter in 3D) with the bunch of friends. Masyarakat majmuk...sebab sesi dinner & wayang with MY YS+UiTM friends. Dilupa jangan, wife & teman² wanita kepada sahabat² lelaki gue juga turut hadir sama.

Adalah wajib sesi gambar...walau sedang beli 1901. Self timer lagi ah. Hancur.

Dinner kami di Jesselton Point; tapi harus sedih sebab ada mereka² yang penat tunggu order & later decided to cancel order. Takut ketinggalan masuk panggung alkisahnya. Boleh alasan tukang kedai, gas diorang habis. Like; adakah payah untuk guna kaedah menginform? Ok, part tu ndak mau bising sebab order aku sampai dengan penuh gaya jayanya. Share MY favorite lamb chop sedap menjilat jari with Lyn+Kizzy darling. Berliur jak lah yang lain meninguk kami makan penuh kesedapan.

Idea menonton Shrek beramai² was brought up by Mr. Zul. Boleh jak dia buat thread di mukabuku & pelik aku ndak reply. Thing is; kami belum pun dalam friend list masing². Punyalah sandi. And tukang beli ticket adalah kawan gomen tersayang kami yang kadang² boleh transform jadi ular during working hours. Ampun incik!

RM15 for a 3D show...not bad at all even though I don't really watch cartoons. Congrats to the newly launched GSC, Suria Sabah. Aku memang chenta akan GSC sejak dulu kala. *ok tunjuk tulus setia hoping to get more free tickets from them* What I truly appreciate is the time I got to spend with friends. Mr. Ijal thinks we should do that more often. Sekarang pun dorang sudah berura² mau booking untuk Toy Story. Adui another cartoon show...berkartunan lah aku pasni bah.

Went back home after movie around 11pm. And dan² tu dapat sad news from mother. The only orang tua from my mother's side passed away. Nenek Papar is what I called her; youngest sister of my late grandma.

Allah tested my family with deaths; this year. Late uncle & aunt had just left us few months back. Belum sampai 100days of aunt Ana's dismissed...and now Nenek Papar was called by the Lord. Moga ujian ini buat kami tabah. Thing happened for a reason. Kematian buat aku insaf...make me concern more tentang nasib di sana. Fear I don't have enough time to repent. Mati tu bila²...if ur time comes, no one could change it. Ndak kan dapat dikasi cepat or lambat. Janji Allah tu sudah pasti.

Awal pagi gerak to Papar with the family. Alhamdulillah, semua urusan went well. Dari mengasi mandi, mengapan, sembahyang sampailah dikebumi. Semua lancar tanpa ada masalah. Hmm...during her life, arwah memang patuh suruhan Nya; jadi memang expect sudah semua akan jadi ok. Don't know what will happen when my turn comes. Sudahlah yang dibuat banyak tersasar dari yang disuruh. Aduyai.

Aku suka dengar talkin...sebab masa tu rasa dekat dengan kematian. Kembang bulu roma bila ingat sesi interview with Mungkar & Nangkir. Sekarang ya lah jawapan semua pass sebab mulut yg bekerja. Di bawah tu nanti, mulutlah yang duluan ditutup. Habis punah harapan kalau anggota lain jawab terkial².

She's in better place now...embrace with Allah's mercy.

Insya Allah...titian tu akan mudah aku lalui. Jadi kunun cakap jak lah kan...aktiviti penginsafan diri, pembersihan hati, penguatan iman bila mau dikasi lancar cik Err oii.

Aishhh.

Ok...as promised.

Stok bahan ketawa *for MY OWN personal review*:

After nearly an hour & so terbang di atas langit biru; some of the passengers had just finished their meal while some were enjoying their walk in dreamland. Suddenly a special announcement took place. The captain told us that there was kind of technical faulty to the system therefore the main tower in Sepang ordered the plane to return back to KK. 20mins idled up the sky...the plane showed no movement whatsoever. I started to feel a bit panic. Relaks Laju jak tangan cek life jacket also pulling out the safety instructions pamphlet from the seat pocket. Membaca harus...padahal masa FAs buat safety demo langsung aku malas ambil peduli ah. Perangai buruk.

Upon reaching the land, we're told flight rescheduled to 3pm. Sempat la aku solat & basuh muka nan berkulat kusam. Also beramah mesra with some of the passangers. Muka sudah ndak ketentuan because I left my make up case at home hence the untouched-up face. Memang muka asli aku pakai after 3pm tu. Membawa sampai ke I-City, Shah Alam. Harus bangga weiii!

I arrived Kolumpur around 8-ish later that night. Regardless how excited I was...memang obvious muka berminyak tahap gaban. Exhausted & I looked damn shattered. Muka ku pecah retak seribu. Dalam gambar...my expression bercampur baur. Penat + kebukitan + sayur pahit + gembira + excited. Ugh.

Nonetheless I am proud with MYself...bolehnya darah ndak menggelegak although knowing the fact that I was stranded at the airport for hours. It's like aku terima jak dugaan hari Khamis tu. Sempat bermadah sama diri; ujian Allah jangan dipersoal. I know; it sounded so not me. Aku pun terkejut bangkai; how could I be that cute cool. Thing happened for a reason. At least, I don't have to wait for Dot to finish work. Ndak aku basi kan menunggu di Kl Sentral tu. And Dot pun ada masa untuk berkemas wangi segala.

Hmm...berkat kesabaran paid off as well. I was a bit surprised when I open my email last Weds. I was awarded an On Time Guarantee compensation from AA. Adalah happy gaban because the voucher worth more than what I paid for my return tix to Kolumpur. Syukran. I have to claim the voucher before Aug this year...but I could buy tix for next year flight. Mother & I were thinking for a V-day holiday for both of us. So far, my suggestion over Jakarta-Bandung treat diterima baik. Ndak ku tau kalau² madam besar tu change her mind. Gotta wait & see kata putus puan juri.

On another note; I've finished bercanda mesra with Stefan in VD Season 1. Now, I have to endure with the pain waiting for season 2 to be aired. Damn it...time orang sudah teruja tahap tongol boleh² potong stim gitu jak ending dia. Ndak pa, aku sabar. Manatau hikmah di sebalik sabar aku, the director tiba² called me for casting. Perasaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn. But seriously, jadi tukang tuang² drink dalam 1 scene pun sudah cukup bah. I won't ask for more tau.

Salvatore what?

OMG...I've purposely unconsiously tune out the existence of this site for nearly 5 days. Aren't I supposed to document my so called activities on daily basis? That was what I promised myself. I need to write them down because I fear I might one day forget them.

Blame the negligence on the Salvatore's brothers please. Thank you for understanding.

Damn...I did again, didn't I? Exaggerating...drama queening. Phew. Oh just let me then...

The Salvatore's....the one on the left, Stefan. He's MY MAN.

Just so u know, I got my ass back to KK town early yesterday morning. I've planned to not update this blog during my short trip to Kolumpur but will get everything write down once I'm back.

Truth is; I am too busy hooking myself with this new series cik Heldah has recently introduced to me. Hence, I have skipped blogging for 2 days. Minus the days I was in Kolumpur of course. Fortunate enough, I've got everything handwritten in my diary. Awesomeness.

Will get them typed & published soon-ish. Also janji ku untuk update stok bahan ketawa which I have mentioned in my previous entry.

Now it's time to 'play' with this man. Ugh me now people.

This man...took my breath away with his glimpse.

Note: This entry is typed at the KKIA Terminal 2 airport while waiting for the plane to arrived.

Well...here I am at the airport. I was supposed to take off at 1230pm but due to 'bad weather' in Kolumpur, the plane will arrive KK 10minutes late. The AA lady made an announcement just now; flight is rescheduled to 1240pm.

Dot called just now...to make sure that I am coming to Kolumpur for real. Si kawan takut kali dia tunggu shadows jak di KL Sentral nanti. I still feel the excitement up to this moment. Adrenaline rushing all over the veins. Ntah apalah kunun tiba2 jak rasa gini.

Breathtaking view...

The only thing I know right now is that once again the tongol side of me showed itself today. Apparently, that tongolness prefer to show itself to the public rather than being discreet like it used to.

I bloody left my make-up case at home. Which means I will need to buy my face powder, foundation, sponge, eyeliner, mascara etc once I reached Kolumpur. Brilliant lass has I been these past few days. Rasa mau ketuk diri sendiri pun ada. Head banging some more.

As I typed this...something what I called as stok bahan ketawa occurred. I can't help but to laugh my lungs out loud. Will update about it in my next entry.

p/s : I safely arrived Kolumpur last night. Touched down LCCT around 1930hours. And hopped on the Sky Bus to KL Central where Dot waited for me.

With cik Dot soon to be puan Dot

Vernous = Nervous?

Few hours before my flight. I don't know why am I so excited about this trip. Butterflies all over the stomach & head. Flying & playing around since last week. It's as if I've never been to Kolumpur before. Kebingungan melanda. This is so not myself ok. Been bloody looking forward to coming to Kolumpur...sah something marred with the system.

5 years in Shah Alam for high school...another 4 years for degree. And what's with the goosebumps? Perhaps meeting friends whom I haven't seen for months could be the best answer. NOT ACCEPTABLE? Frankly, I won't let the brain to come to think that something expecting me there. I refuse to long for something because I so know if that something didn't turn out the way I want it to be...the heart will eventually suffer more breakage. And huge consequences will come forth.

Anyways, I've got my own copies of the Vampire Diaries already. Grunge was being 'nice' enough to let me copy hers. Went to her place & did all the copying thingy inside the car. So sayur pahit of her...didn't even invite me to her house. Lalalalala~~ and oh, ur curhat session just now; I will leak them out to Laura. Also will ask Laura to tell her cousin about it. Barulah ngam kan...penyampaian cerita melalui beberapa generasi mulut gitu. That's what we call 'sharing is caring'...gonna show the real tongol of me.

Ms. Asus is in wretchedness no more. The brother helped me out with the mess last night. Now, I've got a new OS for Ms. Asus. She should thank me for this. And will definitely be in touch with Mr. Norman once I got myself back from the holiday. Attention ya MAN...I will ask for ur favor some time next week. Software installing; that is. I am sure u already know what the software are. Ngeh~~faster read my mind if u haven't got the clue. Tick tock tick tock.

And I also plan to make some deco on Ms. Asus not-so-dull body. Been using her original skin for nearly 3 years now. Mau kasi jadi dia blink² ni kali. Ya u got me right; Low Yatt adalah tempat yang harus dilawat nanti. Need to buy few cheap pirated installer as well. I also recently bought a new sarung for Ms. Asus but need to send her to the service center to get her broken joints repair. Then only I can show the sarung pink comel loteh off. Ooo and since I saw Grunge's bought a new external HD; which is super cool & hot...aku pun mau juga beli macam tu. Yay, sila hidu ignore bau kebukitan itu. Spread all over the air sudah.

I've done packing an hour ago. Woke up early just to make sure I didn't forget to bring important stuffs. Semangkit...padahal flight in 4 hours lagi ah. I'm all ready to go but the designated driver is still in wonderland...hence, mengonlinekan diri. See, I told u I'm highly energized over this short trip. Bingung² kan kalau si cik Err. Last night sudah plan akan depart from home around 1030am. Cuba try kasi bangun tu tukang hantar; harus lah aku kena sound yang paling cute.

This time round, I didn't bring much baju²an. I brought 2 leggings I bought last weekend to match with Angah's tops. LMAO mesti guna kesempatan yang ada. Angah & I wear the same size jadi apalah salah pinjam meminjam. Pastu sudah berkenan boleh buat harta warisan. Ada jugalah bawa few tops bah...sebab aku tau, akan ada retail therapy session with friends & cousins juga tu. Tipu besar if aku cakap ndak kan membeli membelah.

Adui...ndak kesabaran pula mau jumpa Dot. Or lebih tepat, ndak kesabaran pigi I-City bersama Dot. Huahuahuahua. Ni kali, no more saliva dropping tinguk gambar orang posing with the colorful lights. Sebab nanti muka aku yang akan ada dalam gambar itu. Super cute masam moi wear the new pink top...sudah berazam akan rasmi baju ni today. Sekaligus memang MAHU pakai this top untuk ke sana...like; punya gila poyo tahap gaban kan.

Hmm...ada aku kesah?

I went out last night...meeting up with my Yayasan Sabahan ladies. Alkisah mau celebrate birthday cik Kizzy...but that lass memang kureng bab² mendemand. Or should I just say; she doesn't know how to take her friends for granted regardless the chances that being laid right before her eyes. Bolehnya dia suggest lepak di OT...padahal tempat tu memang selalu sudah diterjah oleh kami for gossip mini gathering session. I was thinking of going to SR but since the birthday not-so-girl anymore mentioned OT...jadi kamu pun jadilah mak menurut. It's a bless dapat kawan lurus macam Kizzy ni tau. Ngeh~~

As always, our mini gathering is full of laughters & teasing. I am sated. Fully recharged.

The Birthday Lass

Ahli majlis...I wonder why Zai was so eager to squeeze her already small-frame in this pic. Muat lagi bah...punya byk space belah Ell & Kizzy tu.

***********************************************

In another note; there's a continuity to my yesterday's brilliancy. NO...it isn't towards the computer in the office. Today the tongol side of me chose the lappy instead. Poor Ms. Asus...she has to endure with her owner's bongokness. I guess the damage I caused yesterday didn't meet my level of satisfaction as yet. Hence, the unrelenting determination to cause more impairment.

Phew...right now, I'm working my heavy ass out on the lappy. The insert disc command keeps on popping on the screen. If by evening benda alah ni ndak siap...haruslah tiup semboyan emergency panggil sang kekanda. Akan ugut dia to clean up the mess I've created. Clever cik Err, NO?

Anyways, Dot texted me last night. The friend whom I will 1st meet upon arriving Kolumpur tomorrow evening. Aku adalah ketidak sabaran untuk mencemar kaki di I-City, Shah Alam. Saliva keeps dropping...eyeball merely potruded *drama mode activated* whenever I saw gambar member² bermain gumbira dengan cahaya lampu nan warna warni itu. Buat hati melonjak mahu pergi...mahu pergi...mahu pergi. And alhamdulillah, Dia bagi kesempatan untuk aku merasai semua itu di esok hari. Insya Allah...tu pun kalau umur masih panjang kan? Ok chop off the potong stim moment please.

Oh lupa, last night juga telah tidak sengaja TERbeli sehelai bat-winged blouse. Kunun menunggu cik Ell fitting baju...in the end, aku yang membawa barang ke kaunter & membayar. Hmm...kurang sudah lagi budget for retail session di Kolumpur ni. And to make thing even worst, aku TERnampak link beli belah oh-so-gorgeous sandals/heels/wedges di blog cik ZaraDeLala.

Ughh...I seriously need to understand the word "enough". Like; badly need to. Sepa mau tanggung kalau ndak cukup uang for Juni trip? Akuuuu juga.

Rasa mau jak aku hempas kepala di dinding sekarang ni. Kepintaran bongok melanda di hari Selasa. Tulah mau jadi kunun orang bijak IT...in the end, muncul ketongolan IT dari dalam diri. Ugh...won't say IF ONLY sebab sah² aku tau I will never be able to turn back time. What happened, has happened. Live with it...endure the consequences the best I could. Hasil kebijaksanaan kebukitan diri sendiri juga...no one to put the blame on BUT me.

Semangat awal pagi...entered my so-called office. Niat suci murni is to settle today's agenda kerja; debts collection. Made few phone calls...part ni sudah berdarah telinga dengar suara sang perempuan yang mengulang ayat sama "Tiada jawapan"..."Sedang digunakan"...paling haru "Tiada dalam perkhidmatan".These; I've been getting since yesterday.

Harus aku tambah semangat...sebab banyaklah complain aku boleh buat. Ngeh~~after few attempts, I managed to talk to 1 of the personnel. Cot cet cot cet...my call was passed to the person in charge. Korner sana sini...pusing sana sini...belit sana sini...end result; payment belum siap. Or worst, pihak terbabit baru apply budget untuk that programs. For God sake, the programs were in Dec last year. Baru sekarang apply budget bla bla bla. Kepeningan melanda.

I lost the appettite to argue & question further...after few calls & talking to few personnels; memang boleh teka no progress on the payment pun. Hatta LPO pun belum dapat approval from the PP...ni kan pula payment. Cheque pun konon masih dalam in-tray boss. Pujian betul sama kaki+tangan diorang ni tau. Very efficient in doing the job assigned. Yang cuti; kerja handover to their drawers & trays. Bijak bestari.

And the fact that my computer kept booting or sometimes stayed in loading progress...turned my already cheerful Tues more colorful. Sinilah the tongol genius side of moi emerged. I wasn't sure what tabs or button did I clicked...which then prompted the computer to perform the self-recovery process. Cepat kunun aku switch off the power supply...sekali reboot; ayat² cinta "insert cd for installation bla bla..click next bla bla...choose repair computer"appeared on the black screen. At that time, sudah ku tahu segala barang dalam computer telah hanyut ke laut. The bright cik Err has accidentally formatted the computer. Memang ada buat back up the company's folder yang isi dia semua barang nan penting...but; the last time I did the back up thingy was last month!

Hancur lah punah segala titik peluh aku...yes, I heard u. Melodramatic phase playing its role now. Just let me be...berdrama sebabak kejap. Seriously, dada sakit tahap dewa gaban ni. Kalau bisa aku hentak kepala di dinding sekuat boleh dengan syarat I will cause no harm to the brain...harus dari tadi aku buat. sigh sigh sigh

Thing happened for a reason...still it's too bitter for me to swallow the fact. Aku rasalahkan, ni peringatan sama aku yang over hyper-happy untuk ke Kolumpur lusa. Padan lah muka cik Err oii.

Another lesson learned...as per Mr. Yon; back up all the important files every month. Or lagi best, do it every week. Insya Allah...akan dilaksanakan secepat mungkin. That is selepas gue kembali dari bercuti holiday.

Alkisah...main pipe di Beverly pecah last night. Hence, ketiadaan water supply. Menahan kesakitan perut ok semalam. Mother took her shower early this morning...menggunakan the only water yang sempat ditadah last night. Aku? Dengan sakit perut...terus menerjah rumah Bungsu in Sepanggar. 30 minutes of driving to reach his place. Sekian.

Sent mother to her office. While on my way to Bungsu's I saw an accident between a car & a motorcycle. Hope the motorcyclist selamat sebab tadi aku tengok dia terbaring atas jalan tu, tanpa pergerakan. Pengsan kali. Viva was pretty bad damaged; I guess the windscreen pecah. Sebab segala bekas tisu, sunglasses etc tersusun comel jak atas jalan next to the motorcycle.

Yang buat aku hangin; attitude rakyat Malaysia nan prihatin ni. The traffic is still moving albeit slow. Sekali sampai dekat area accident tu, ndak da pula aku nampak yang boleh sebabkan traffic slow. Kereta abang polis trafik parked at the side of the road; ndak da pula yang block jalan. Tapi traffic movement lambat...apalagi kalau bukan sebab attitude tolong tengok kan.

Luckily, semester break sudah start di UMS* ni. So, it's ok for me to come late to work. Uppermost side of this job...aku boleh tentukan masa sendiri. But don't get me wrong...peraturan ni aku hanya apply during the break. Of course time students ada pun aku boleh suka suki datang & balik; tapi tu nama dia ndak da disiplin kerja. I don't wanna show that kind of attitude to my staffs. As the one who manage & atur kerja dorang, harus aku tunjuk contoh yang baik. Right?

Anywoot, sebab semester break & less people coming to the cafe; I took the chance to go for a holiday. I will be departing to Kolumpur this Thurs. 1 week jak pun di sana. Sekaligus attending MY ex-high school friend's big day. I have plan so many things on what to do while I'm there. I may not be able to meet some friends though because of time constraint. Sedih.

Bah mari nikmati jamu mata tinguk gambar(s)...kunun aku minta puji ni hari. I have nothing to do, sitting in the office bores me to death. Jadinya aku pun snap tempat aku bercanda asmara tiap hari. Ada bah pula tempat aku panggil ofis walau aku kerja di cafe. Tuang sup, potong ayam, angkat piring...kerja sampingan aku. Dalam ofis yang konon ni, aku buat juga kerja admin. Kira gaji, kira stok, buat gaji, buat invois, chase payment, bayar supplier...ndak lah banyak mana. Alahai managing only 25 staffs...pening tu ndak berapa. Jiwa jak kadang².

I still have time fb-ing, updating this blog...tapi mau kuar lunch sama kawan² tu aku pilih waktu. Eventhough boleh keluar suka suki...disiplin kena ada. Malu woo kalau keluar exceed lunch hour...even bos adalah uncle sedarah sedaging aku; perasaan malu tu tetap ada. Biar kerja sama siapa, time management & disiplin kerja wajib practiced.

*puke* Konon jak meja banyak barang...padahal, dibuat² macam nampak banyak kerja.

This is the view u'll see upon entering MY so-called office...

Patut orang cakap konon-ofis sebab aku 'tinggal' sekali dengan stok² barang. To the left, tempat solat. Biar kecil mana ofis, mesti ada allocation untuk tu.

sigh ngantuk tahap gaban...apalagi mau dimakan ni ah. I don't even feel like eating actually...but because I'm bored, hence the nafsu makan menjadi gila.

HAPPY MAMA'S DAY
MADAM JUM**AH ISMAIL

Kasih & sayang mu; pengorbanan mu...tidak akan dapat ku balas sampai bila².

Mother & Yours Truly

Adalah malas mau jadi poyo di awal pagi...wish segala bagai. And telling her that I love her because amatlah ndak logik kalau aku ndak sayang wanita unggul yang telah lahirkan aku di dunia ni. Instead, aku kunun buat request ah. I said

"Please lessen your 'ceramah' because that will make the grey hair grow more. Aku juga yang penat mencabut tu nanti"

Baru lah ngam...ucapan dari jiwa nan jujur bah tu. Saying I love u...u're the best; is so yesterday. FOR ME that is. Kalau kamurang still mau wish gitu, I have no problem with it. Really. This is only a personal opinion untuk digunakan oleh diri sendiri. Sekian.

Ok...tadi breakfast with mother @Thien Thien, Gaya Street. Pastu wandered around Wisma Merdeka. Yang kunun celebrating the special day was the mother...sekali yang berhempas pulas bershopping cuci mata sakan was the daughter. In my previous entry...I did say those items I bought online marked the end of my shopping agenda. BUT I also did mention the word; online ya'll. Jadi shopping secara live tiada connection with the statement.

Sangat tongol la kalau aku cakap ndak kan membeli membelah di Kolumpur next week. Harus akan buat retail therapy...carian apparel untuk cuti² Kaamatan is very important for moi. Masuk dalam list; things I have to do. With high priority some more.

Hmm...when will I ever stick to my resolution. Food category dikawal rapi...money spending category; ke laut.

Psst...the heels I ordered from Danne has arrived. Finally. Been anxiously waiting for it...now am waiting for her to holla me & I will straight away go to her place to collect it. Also, pay her the balance.

Last Weds, Mai sent the dress I bought via PosLaju...hopefully it will arrive KK by next Mon the latest. And these 2 items definitely marked the end of my online shopping agenda for May.

I need to constantly remind myself to stop take a break from buying things; online. There are few agendas that need my attention more...or to be exact; perlu uang. One week Kolumpur trip next Thurs & Kaamatan breakaway trip in the month end. Not to forget, the Munyit Bali Trip in Juni.

Perlu bijak atur uang...oh my, I've been saying this to myself over & over. Tapi ndak la pernah diikut...kalau boleh dilanggar, harus langgar terus. Adui macamana lah kunun ni mau jadi macam Ip Man. Very dedicated to what he does. Sticked to his goal no matter what challenge he faced.

LMAO...mentang2 baru last night meninguk cerita tu. Bikin panas! But seriously, I want someone like Sifu IpMan to handle the hotheaded moi. Despite what happened around him...how complex the situation turned out to be...he remains calm. Cakap pun well organized. Orang bilang; penuh kesopan santunan.

Problem is...maukah orang macam dia tu sama orang macam aku? Ishh...ungrateful me. Bersyukur la ada orang sayang kau tau Cik Err. Ya lah bah...chenta hati cukup baik sudah untuk aku. Being loved by him is already means the world to me. I always think that I don't deserved him...though he says he's lucky to have me; all the time. Ya la bah, kita both untung dapat masing². Baru ngam kan...fair & square. Ngeh~~

Yesterday was one heaven of a day *Note: I refuse to use the word hell*.

Here; I officially declared aku adalah bangang tahap saiko gaban. Ermm don't get too excited though for the declaration lasted till midnight only. I am back to the normal track already.

What happened? Nothing actually, only that I see myself as the super tongol lass yesterday. It was those things I did.

First; incident in the office. Aku ni dalam mode rajin, alkisahnya lah. Swept & mopped the floor. While waiting for the wet floor to dry, the brilliant moi did an unsangkarable action. Bolehnya aku dengan selamba, threw the rubbish in the bin back on the floor. Brilliant wasn't it. Yes, I heard u. Thanks.

Second; happened at home sweet home. I was craving for coke. And there's a half glass left in the fridge. I took it out, put the glass on the table next to the sink...and off to the washroom. Skali keluar tu aku ternampak few dirty plates in the sink. Mulia hati kunun aku mau mencuci...sekali dengan gelas berisi coke tu aku buang. Damn...there went MY craving, inside the sinkhole.

While pouring the coke...I was aware that its my drink but the brain seemed to lost its way transmitting the signal command for the hand to stop. Pernah bah kan korang jadi bingai macam tu? Almost similar to my banana case.Isi pisang aku buang while the skin aku sumbat dalam mulut.

There are times; aku selalu spit out thing I didn't intend to say. Like; tengah taip sms & someone asked me something. Boleh jak tu aku jawab benda yang sedang aku taip. Lagi haru, a friend mms aku gambar sampah busuk. I was at a wedding with mother. And mother's friend came to say Hi to us. I wanted to say Hi & puji lah baju dia lawa...instead; I said "Hi...punya busuk sampah ko". Nasiblah aku ndak makan penampar dan² tu bah. Ohh YES, aku adalah sempat bagi explanation & said the right thing afterward. Ngeh~~

Suddenly juga ingat case paling haru & memalukan in my whole life. Incident chocolate spread. Ugh...harus rasa mau kasi tapuk diri dalam karung. Kenapakah ada saat aku jadi sebingai itu. But I guess, benda macam tu jadi untuk remind kita yang human makes mistake. ALL THE TIME.

It's great having to experience things like that, boleh kasi ketawa diri sendiri whilst at the same time learned something from it. Regardless how simple the thing is; there must be at least a tiny bit of a lesson we could learn from it.

Perhaps; level of caffeine in the system has mounted. I've just finished MY 3rd glass of coffee as I scribble this. Kepeningan melampau...migraine macam mencucuk ubun kelapa...no wonder I do things yang qualified masuk fasa bingai. Padan muka kau cik Err.

I wasn't in a good condition yesterday...in term of health is what I mean. Ngeh~~ I feel less coordinated these days...I don't know why. I've fully recharged myself during the weekend...but period pain & food poisoning took it all away in just 1 snap; last Mon.

The other day I told the not-so-big sister; Laura that I am mentally physically exhausted. And I was directed to rest my 'case' down. Rest la sangat...padahal otak still in active mode processing unnecessary thoughts. Mari belai hentak kepala Cik Err beramai².

Life at work is pretty santai right now...less catering order, less students coming to the cafe. Alkisah; semester break sudah start. Bolehlah bersenang lenang jap before busyness embrace me again when the semester reopen in July.

Alangkah, rezeki alhamdulillah murah. We've received few catering orders for this coming semester. Pengsan lah juga aku nanti mengcoordinate...menginvois...memungut payment. Biarlahkan...at least I have a job. I have things to do. Frankly speaking, life has become more formed ever since I shouldered this responsibility. Gila kau kalau diri sendiri in mess...how am I going to handle semua. From ordering bahan mentah, bahan kering, atur jadual kerja & whatnot.

Dari kerja duduk dalam bilik aircond bertahun²...tapi ndak pernah la buat kerja dengan betul. Aku pun pelik kenapa ada orang bangga kerja yang ada OFFICE; but I guess deep in their heart know yang tiada satu pun kerja yang dorang boleh buat dengan baik. Am not saying, aku expert giler in what I'm doing right now. Still ada cacat cela here & there but at least I know...campak aku kerja macam ni, I can still survive. Ada orang bangga kerja dia itu ini, gaji riban² tapi bila tanya benda paling basic untuk orang kerja pejabat...jawapan jauh tersasar. Buat apa bangga & cakap buruk pasal kerja orang lain when u know; u urself are far than good in ur job. Setakat pergi balik kerja macam orang kerja pejabat yang lain....tapi mau punch kertas untuk buat filing pun huru hara; baguslah join sang kera di hutan tu.

I used to work in an office...an 8-to-5 job. In the end I resigned because I couldn't stand the environment. I was weak & I got too carried away with the politic in the office. I got myself a hypertension as a daily gift. I tortured my mind. Yet I don't blame anyone BUT myself. Seriously, kita ada akal ada otak ada hati perasaan.

Why not use up semua yang diberiNya sebaik mungkin. I could choose the word 'ignore' or 'let them be' or 'mind my own business'...instead; I chose 'moody'; 'madness'; 'foolishness'. No one is to be blame because ketara lah kan aku yang ndak pandai program sistem diri sendiri.

In situation as such; aku bersyukur sebab dapat circle of friends yang simply understanding. Yang jenis kalau aku marah or jiwa kacau or bertukar jadi monster....they will stick by my side. And akan usaha sebaik mungkin to pull my feet back to the ground. Load the system with sanity. Nasib yang golongan batu api a.k.a firestone sudah awal² aku eliminate. U know the one yang datang rumah lepak malam²....korek itu ini alkisah konon datang untuk share problemos...and the next thing u know benda yang suppose to be strictly known among close friends only; is leak out to the world. The kind of so called friends that will turn to u when they're desperate looking for help. Also the type yang suka ayat 'melagakan'.

Regret is not exactly the right word when it comes to finding out the true color about such friends. I cherished the memories...semua yang pernah aku tolong, memang jujur aku buat dari hati seorang kawan. But untuk continue something the brain refuse to process anymore...aku ndak sanggup sudah. Ndak mau jadi plastic...sebab sah² Dia jadikan kita dari tanah.

And this time...I think I've made a pretty smart decision choosing the word 'ditch'.

Dinner with mother at Sugar Bun...I had dessert instead of taking the main course. Wasn't in the mood for a heavy meal so I only ordered choc brownie & caramel ice blended.

Since I just swallowed a slice of choc brownie...I shall prepare for a migraine attack. Just found out the system couldn't tolerate with choc these days. Perhaps too much consumption in the past...and now its paying toll on me. Nasiblah sempat bermuntahan kelebihan makan choc dolu kala. The ex bfs also the kakak/adik/abang angkat rajin sedekah choc.

I'm not sure what's going on with my digestion system these days. Whatever I ate...akan keluar right after. Something got to do with the hormone I guess. Imbalance & fluctuated. I hate being in this state...harus lepas ni semua makanan pun aku kurang selera tinguk. Hence I will eat less...and Miss Gastric akan ada excuse to pay me a visit.

Ugh...some of the pekerja pun sudah buat quite a review on me. They said I look a bit pale since Monday. Less energetic...boleh² dorang cakap senyum aku pun kureng seri sudah. Adeiii gimana ini dong.

Perhaps, I unintentionally left my soul in Kundasang. Well, at least that explain the lethargic moi. NO?