I wasn't in a good condition yesterday...in term of health is what I mean. Ngeh~~ I feel less coordinated these days...I don't know why. I've fully recharged myself during the weekend...but period pain & food poisoning took it all away in just 1 snap; last Mon.

The other day I told the not-so-big sister; Laura that I am mentally physically exhausted. And I was directed to rest my 'case' down. Rest la sangat...padahal otak still in active mode processing unnecessary thoughts. Mari belai hentak kepala Cik Err beramai².

Life at work is pretty santai right now...less catering order, less students coming to the cafe. Alkisah; semester break sudah start. Bolehlah bersenang lenang jap before busyness embrace me again when the semester reopen in July.

Alangkah, rezeki alhamdulillah murah. We've received few catering orders for this coming semester. Pengsan lah juga aku nanti mengcoordinate...menginvois...memungut payment. Biarlahkan...at least I have a job. I have things to do. Frankly speaking, life has become more formed ever since I shouldered this responsibility. Gila kau kalau diri sendiri in mess...how am I going to handle semua. From ordering bahan mentah, bahan kering, atur jadual kerja & whatnot.

Dari kerja duduk dalam bilik aircond bertahun²...tapi ndak pernah la buat kerja dengan betul. Aku pun pelik kenapa ada orang bangga kerja yang ada OFFICE; but I guess deep in their heart know yang tiada satu pun kerja yang dorang boleh buat dengan baik. Am not saying, aku expert giler in what I'm doing right now. Still ada cacat cela here & there but at least I know...campak aku kerja macam ni, I can still survive. Ada orang bangga kerja dia itu ini, gaji riban² tapi bila tanya benda paling basic untuk orang kerja pejabat...jawapan jauh tersasar. Buat apa bangga & cakap buruk pasal kerja orang lain when u know; u urself are far than good in ur job. Setakat pergi balik kerja macam orang kerja pejabat yang lain....tapi mau punch kertas untuk buat filing pun huru hara; baguslah join sang kera di hutan tu.

I used to work in an office...an 8-to-5 job. In the end I resigned because I couldn't stand the environment. I was weak & I got too carried away with the politic in the office. I got myself a hypertension as a daily gift. I tortured my mind. Yet I don't blame anyone BUT myself. Seriously, kita ada akal ada otak ada hati perasaan.

Why not use up semua yang diberiNya sebaik mungkin. I could choose the word 'ignore' or 'let them be' or 'mind my own business'...instead; I chose 'moody'; 'madness'; 'foolishness'. No one is to be blame because ketara lah kan aku yang ndak pandai program sistem diri sendiri.

In situation as such; aku bersyukur sebab dapat circle of friends yang simply understanding. Yang jenis kalau aku marah or jiwa kacau or bertukar jadi monster....they will stick by my side. And akan usaha sebaik mungkin to pull my feet back to the ground. Load the system with sanity. Nasib yang golongan batu api a.k.a firestone sudah awal² aku eliminate. U know the one yang datang rumah lepak malam²....korek itu ini alkisah konon datang untuk share problemos...and the next thing u know benda yang suppose to be strictly known among close friends only; is leak out to the world. The kind of so called friends that will turn to u when they're desperate looking for help. Also the type yang suka ayat 'melagakan'.

Regret is not exactly the right word when it comes to finding out the true color about such friends. I cherished the memories...semua yang pernah aku tolong, memang jujur aku buat dari hati seorang kawan. But untuk continue something the brain refuse to process anymore...aku ndak sanggup sudah. Ndak mau jadi plastic...sebab sah² Dia jadikan kita dari tanah.

And this time...I think I've made a pretty smart decision choosing the word 'ditch'.