Obviously previous entry was a rigid prove that a beast does exist in me. I roar whenever I was force to enter a room that I despise. When thing as such occurred, madness was ignited. Awaken the lunacy part of me.

I don't have any idea why it happened. And I was kind of shocked upon knowing it. My IT skill wasn't as bad as I thought. Considering the fact I came to know about it through the net. Gunanya menggodek site orang. *standing ovation to me*

Figuring it out by myself rather than from someone else; made me relieved. Well at least, I found it out without even trying to dig. And I never bloody expected what will I see upon flipping the site. Never did I know by being a bit nosy I will find something that eventually change my perspective towards some people.

Being 'expelled' was 2nd & being 'blocked' was the least I care about. The 1st was to search for the answer on what wrong have I done. As far as I'm concerned, we were doing fine. Last time we chatted was like a week ago & we ended the conversation like always. Its kind of tiring asking urself what is wrong. She must have heard rumors or whatever that changed her view on me. But as a friend she should have ask me directly rather than choosing to just accept what she heard.

How do I come clean with such person? Will texting her be the solution? Or should I pick up the phone & bloody call her. And then what should I do after getting the answer? Apologize? What if that won't work? Should I just forgive her when saying sorry didn't seem to work with her....and move on with my life?

Gah...I rarified the simplicity; AGAIN. Too many ifs made me dizzy & sometimes I lost my sense of judgment because of it. 1st thing 1st, am gonna make sure what caused that person's sudden act. Ok adalah ndak malu mau tau why I was being shut. Sigh I just need to know the reasons lie behind all this. Hati gue kok nggak tenteram diperlaku gini. If she's not a good friend; I might as well let this thing go. But she's not just that ordinary friend. She's more to a little sister to me.

Didn't ever thought I will somehow meet someone who could be someone else in a blink; once more.

I'm still trying to adapt myself with the situation she had put me in. Shall I just close my eyes, take a deep breath & let go? I'm a little confuse here...not knowing the cause makes me agitated. Not being able to think & decide accordingly; gives me nausea. I wanna puke like; everytime I think about it.

Ugh this is insane. How could I let someone to determine my happy meter, right? Its mine to control..solely. Why on earth did I let someone rules my feeling. There's more to cherish in life other than dwelling on the situation & getting drawn with its complexity. I've got too many tangled situations in my hand already; ditching 1 of them will make my untangling job easier.

I guess going with the flow will narrow my worriness. Need some fresh air to breathe now for I kind of dislike the air I am breathing at the moment. It chokes, it suffocates, it contains too many poisonous particles. Kundasang trip this weekend will soothe the soul; I know. Air there is much fresher, view much calmer. Tranquil will I be up there.

Never judge anyone. Why not try looking at yourself on the mirror prior judging. Losing a nice sister like her might be a great lose for me...but losing myself is the greatest of all. Perlu utamakan diri before others. Ohh come on, lets face it. Don't be such a hypocrite. How could I say I love someone when I have less love for myself? Indeed, its unfair.

There are many things I could put my focus on...rather than this. What goes around, comes around. Perhaps I might have done the same thing in the past hence the consequence. I called it K.A.R.M.A. Didn't know I will get hit this time, I don't see it's coming though. Allah bayar cash...jadi silalah jangan terkejut badak ya Cik Err.

Phew...it's too long an entry this time. I feel lighter after pouring everything in here. It's 1 of my way to meditate. It's like by 'writing' I have eventually put all the stress & tense I shouldered; documented. It's good for future reviewing...orang bilang kasi jadi lesson.