31 August 2010

Perbualan yang di-retyped

Alkisah few days back, I chatted with one of my suam2 kuku close friend. Butir perbualan mula2 tu macam biasa...kira intro lah kali. Sekali masuk bab isi penting, baru aku tahu sebab musabab si kawan tu beria bawa chat.

Initially I thought to just copy & paste everything we talked...but before we ended the session, that friend gave me a hint that literally means 'Please don't simply paste & post details of this conversation'; to me.

Being pembaris that I seldom chose to be...I agreed to not posting. Well, part of it will be readable to public. The rest will remain P&C. But the PPGs excluded; it's a crime to hide from them.

So here goes the curhat session between that friend (K) & I (B). I decided to retyped them. Ubah bahasa pasar yang mungkin susah mau difahami. Banyak yang harus dicensored...karang meletup lagi bom2 gas panas hati. Jiwa!

***************************************************

K: Memang dia terasa sama kau sebab cara kau blog tu macam perli diorang.

B: Apa pula perli. Bah siapa makan cili, maka memang rasa pedas. But honestly, that post bukan untuk diorang. Like I said, its dedicated to ALL. Diri aku pun sama.

K: Ya I know but....susah bah Err mau cakap.

B: Susah apa. Ni lah manusia, suka perasan dikasi salah. Hello! Ndak kan mau dengar aku ni bercakap yang best jak. Memujiiiiiiiiiii jak. Kebenaran macam mana pahit, kena telan juga bah.

K: Jangan marah aku lah. Jujur bah, siapa juga kau cakap tu.

B: Hmm...kalau ikut betul, memang aku dedicate tu untuk dibaca oleh orang. Bukan seseorang lagi, tapi ramai. Jujur? Actually tu untuk sedarah sedaging aku. Sebab lagi aku mau diorang baca tu.

K: Bagus kau jangan pos entri gitu lagi. Nanti ada orang sakit hati baca. Terasa. Dibenci lagi kau.

B: Tulah manusia, bila dipuji jadi riak. Bila ditegur benda betul, jadi taik. Ndak da juga aku jemput diorang tu lawat blog aku. Ndak suka, dipersila keluar. Mau kah aku halau secara rasmi? Peduli sakit hati...hati orang kau ingat semua dapat dijaga ka? Benci? Macam ndak pernah aku makan benda tu semua. Lali sudah lor!

K: Jangan memanas kau sama aku bah.

B: Bukan lah panas. Aku geram jak. Benci jak bah. Aku ndak heran juga. Aku tahu aku ni pun ndak da hak mau menegur or cakap gitu tapi ingat mengingat tu kan baik. Aku lagi risau kalau Di Atas tu murka & benci. Biarlah berlautan benci orang sama aku...mati nanti, hilang juga semua tu. Ndak da sudah guna2 dia.

K: Kau ni cakap lagi gitu. Diam jak lah pasni Err. Kalau kau ndak suka, simpan sendiri jak.

B: Aik suka aku lah. Apa aku tulis dalam blog tu hak aku. Aku ndak taruk nama sepa2...jadi relaks jak bah. Dari aku maki hamun bagus aku curah dalam blog.

K: Bukan apa...

B: Sudah lah. Aku malas mau debat ni. Terlampau ramai sudah suka makan cili. Sudah kepedasan, blame orang lain kunun menyuruh makan. Yalah aku mind my own business pasni. Jangan jak nanti aku tulis entry for myself, ada lagi orang ingat aku cakap pasal dia.

K: Macam aku cakap...susah bah kalau barang sensitif gitu.

B: Bukan susah, tapi ada orang makin besar makin bongok. No worries pasni aku ukur kain di badan sendiri, tapi jangan sampai pinjam kain aku nanti. Kau sudah beli baju raya? Aku ndak da ni kain lebih. :)

*******************************************
Conversation over that so-called sensitive thing ended right after I swifted to another topic. Aku adalah kemalasan bercakap pasal benda yang sayur pahit macam tu.

From what I've learned before...when things turn out the way u don't favor them to be, sometimes walking away from them is the greatest solution ever. Manusia ni macam ragam, memang mustahil dapat berfikir satu hala jak. Without having to contradict with others.

Juga aku belajar...kalau orang gila dilayan lebih2, nanti kita akan jadi lagi gila dari dia. Ermm K, aku bukan cakap kau ni ah. Jadi sila jangan perasan, unless kau memang gila. Yang tu aku ndak campur lah. Memang banyak lagi fikiran orang kita belum merdeka...

Manusia memang suka dengan keindahan, tapi sila jangan lupa keburukan itu pun ada seribu kecantikkan tersembunyi.

30 August 2010

Perlu cahaya untuk terangi yang gelap

Perlu mula sesi muhasabah diri
dengan lebih giat & jitu

Rasa macam mau muntah darah
beribu kilo punya berat
lepas baca latest entry si KM

Site dia ni memang favorite aku
Selalu aku tunggu update dari beliau

Walau dia tu menjawab soalan orang
tapi seringkali jawapan dia tu
umpama kapak yang dibaling
melayang terus jatuh terpacak
atas kepala aku

Maka retaklah tengkorak
berhamburanlah otak

Banyak benda terjadi satu dua menjak ni
Kadang tu ada rasa mau kurung diri
biar orang lupa kewujudan aku
Ok, sesi perasan diri femes bermula

Ujian di bulan penuh hikmah ni
kalau dapat diharungi dengan sabar
harus syurga balasan di 'sana'

Habis jak Ramadhan
berkeliaran balik si laknat jahanam
baru masa tu
iman main game see-saw
kedudukan jadi berubah2

Aku ndak pernah bosan berdoa
supaya hati aku jadi kuat
jadi tetap jadi kejap
dengan apa yang aku percaya

Niat mahu berhenti mengeluh
mahu bersuara hanya bila perlu
mahu itu mahu ini
Tapi alasan ndak pernah habis

Hmm
betullah apa si KM cakap

bukan ndak tahu dosa pahala
bukan ndak tahu apa salah apa betul
bukan ndak pernah belajar
bukan ndak pernah dikasitau
bukan ndak tahu mengasi beza

tapi cahaya untuk dapat melihat

sudah jadi malap...
sudah jadi kelam...
sudah jadi mau ndak mau jak menyala...

Aku mungkin tahu mana silapnya
mana titik mula semua itu
juga tahu cara untuk mengasi lurus
apa yang bengkok
apa yang ndak ngam

sekali lagi...semua tinggal harapan
kalau hati dikasi biar jadi gelap
kalau cahaya itu ndak dicari

Tinggi mana ilmu
Banyak mana hukum hakam dalam kepala
Memang tiada hasil
Kalau hati masih pilih untuk berjalan
dalam lorong yang gelap

Sedang orang buta pun tahu cari jalan
kalau berkali diorang lalu jalan yang sama

Inikan pula orang celik macam aku
Ndak kan sampai detik nafas mau berhenti
baru karau mau cari jalan yang betul
masa tu baru poyo mau cari hidayah

Hmm
itu pun KALAU Izrail mengasi amaran,
sudah sampai detik terakhir hidup aku
Macamlah mati tu pakai alarm segala kan?
Haru.

cik Err,
sila pesan banyak kali sama diri
kau itu tidak sempurna
bukan dari golongan alim
yang mana hidayah itu Allah bagi direct

Kau golongan yang perlu cari hidayah itu
Kerana dengan mencari...kau akan lebih paham
apa erti hidup ini.

Usaha lebih lagi untuk terangkan hati kau
yang makin hari makin gelap tu, ya.

Sempena merdeka, mau juga aku pasang
misi untuk diri sendiri.

Hmm...merdekakan hati dari kegelapan.
Mohon ampun dari Nya setiap saat.

Cukuplah kulit lebih karbon, jangan
sampai hati pun mau kasi lebih.

Gadis Ketam...Gadis Ungu...Gadis Penangguh

Weekend ended with so much fun & sweats! Not to forget, the amount of healthy food fats consumed. I here proudly announced, the body has officially gained few kilos. And that will mount up during raya. Thing I have no doubt with. Though there would be no rice in my meal, still the amount of food that entered the body is equivalent to trillionth kJ of carb.

Ramai lagi orang luar sana kebulur ndak cukup makan, yang aku makan sampai muntah hijau terlebih2. Haduyai kesedaran ada tapi berubah ntah bila. Ni lah bukti kes hati gelap kurang cahaya; bak kat KeretaMayat.

I had my iftar at a seafood restaurant; Sri Selera, Kg. Air yesterday. Together with part of the family. Alkisah, ada orang craving for crab. As for me, terpaksalah menurut suara majoriti. Sudahlah cuti jadi sila buat senyap di situ. Seafood is not my kinda takanon. Reality is, the decision isn't exactly mine to choose...the immune system is. My blood somehow reluctant to accept the presence of any seafood in the system. Allergic.

Tapi meredah juga telan 2-3 carik isi ketam...orang bilang jangan kempunan. I stopped right after the cousin told me few reddish spots appeared at the chin area. Punya sepantas kilat reaction my antibodies towards invader. Talking about my pretty strong defense system, huh.

Scrumptious butter sauce crab.

Girl & yours truly.

Adalah letih tahap gaban mau pengsan. Accompanied mother for her rattan furniture hunting yesterday. We left home at 10am & went back nearly 9pm. Capek banget gue. Tumit sakit tahap pecah muscle. Walhal I wore my super cute black pumps; sah lah kan it's heels-less. Motif mengasitau cute? Ngeh~~

Ukur jalan dari Beverly to Donggongon to Lintas to Putatan & back to KK town. Went to Wisma Merdeka where I did some shopping while waiting for Kens to finish her bathe. Later on, joined up with the Bungsu's to Segama & KK Plaza. Baju raya hunting for the cousins. Finally jumpa baju c Girl! And my, I was shocked when mother told me how much her kurung cost. Tu baru baju budak2. Logik kali juga since the design memang untuk orang dewasa.

Girl @ Sofea in her kurung raya.

I've bought mine at my fav store in Karamunsing last Sat. Aku adalah akan menjadi gadis ayu layu kuyu Ungu di pagi Syawal. I decided to not wear the white kurung on the 1st of Raya as to avoid any bonus Qs from the cousins. Ada karang aku disuruh alang2 menikah; harus tu lah ayat kureng manis diorang nanti. Putih tu kan suci murni jak warna dia...ndak kan aku pakai baju tu dengan muka masam gara2 tahan geram sama komen maut diorang nanti. So I guess decision not to wear it awal2; is wise enough.

Because my bedroom is currently pack with truckloads of unnecessary unused stuffs, I bought a box to accommodate them. At first ingatkan kotak biasa macam Ikea, the one that need u to reassemble them by urself. Sekali tinguk, lagi gah dari tu. Siap ada handle. Ada paku maku lagi in order to stick the edges together. Most importantly, it's PINK ya'll. Sweet & manis gitu.


Aktiviti kemas bilik ended up at 12am. Didn't have much time to fold the piling clothes though because I got too carried away with my housebedroom-keeping chores. Gonna resume the task tonight that is after getting back from the sungkai session with my YS ladies. If time permits, I might stop by at Aniki's place after the sesh. The gift I bought for him has arrived last Fri. Mau disimpan lama karang ada bertukar jadi kapas balik barang tu.

Cik Err, hadiah untuk baby Zara pun kau belum hantar. Berkulat sudah belakang seat. Ketuk lah kepala kau ni tau.

Jadilah sang penangguh, kelak kau akan confirm jadi bala tentera si laknat tu. Ada suka cik Err?

28 August 2010

Oi oi Laura...oi oi 3D

Last night, I was thinking of the big sister whom is now in The City of Lion. Entertaining herself with her little madam & c Mawar. I tried to text her but to no avail. She didn't subscribe the international roaming.

Mawar's number was stored in my other phone...which was broken months back. I can't think of any way to reach them. Pasrah jak lah. But not long after receiving the text failed sending report; the phone rang. And guess who called? It was Mawar! I got to talked to the big sister as well. Double yay!

Note: Hakikat sebenar, I is RINDU my kakak besar. Sekian.

During our bffs photo session early this year. @Tanjung Aru beach.

Great minds think alike...all the time. Some might not understand this; but we do! Despite the fact that we're thousand miles apart, the minds walk the same path still. It's like they sync simultaneously. Obviously, we possess telepathic skills. It functions best when we're distant. sigh I miss having her around. Ok...stop the lesbo aura already.

****************************************************************

GSC, Suria Sabah was the place I were when the day started. Together with Grunge & Rio; we watched the midnight show. Step Up 3 in 3D! Ala tinguk poster below pun sudah dapat teka bah, kan.


All I could say about this movie...SUPERBLY AWESOME. I don't really fancy movie in 3D version but this...totally an exception! Aku sudah mula jatuh chenta ndak hengat dunia sama cerita 3D. And definitely it's worth an encore session. I always have this unexplainable thing with dance movie...I'm head over heels with them. To name a few that had my adrenaline pumped to its max level; Honey, Bring it On & Street Dance.

Resident Evil: Afterlife; is next in line.

Same goes to The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of The Dawn Treader. OMG, I've never missed watching TCN & there's no way I'll skip the 3rd installment of the film series. God's willing; kalau umur masih panjang.

I miss Aslan so damn much.

Tu dia...hantu wayang started listing the movies she's gonna watch. Harus dikurangkan belanja membeli membelah because 3D cost double the normal movie price. Whatever, kerja teruk2 harus pandai pamper diri. Say what? Kerja keras? Kentut ada. Ngeh~~

p/s Thanks GSC*, I'm 1901-hunger no more. Turned out they didn't actually stop selling my 'fav snack during movie time'...aku jak emo lebih. As always!

27 August 2010

Psst sang arjuna...

Mau cakap lebih2
nanti dibilang aku ni tripping ustazah

Nama pun manusia bah kan
ingat mengingati itu sunat
kerana kita memang ndak lari
dari berbuat dosa

Yang menegur tu pun untuk
peringatan diri sendiri
supaya ndak lupa...
ndak hilang apa yang sudah dibelajar

Aduyai pening tinguk
kaum lelaki zaman serba moden
yang canggih manggih ni

Bulan Ramadhan disuruh puasa
Terang benderang hukumnya wajib
Melainkan ada keuzuran

Yang kau; sihat walafiat
Gagah berjalan tanpa cacat cela
Tapi tetap memilih untuk ignore arahan Dia

Lagi parah bila kau tu status suami orang
Mahu bayangkan macam mana cara kau bimbing isteri
Tapi aku tau it’s totally none of my business

Aku tolong pening tinguk lelaki
yang mahu kahwin lebih dari seorang...
konon ikut sunnah Nabi

Apalah bodoh wahai sang engkau
yang itu kau ikut sunnah?
Lain2 Nabi buat
kenapa ndak kau sibuk mau ikut?

Kalau solat fardhu pun kau buat macam ndak wujud
Apalagi solat sunat setiap Jumaat tu kan?

Hidup di dunia, alasan memang berjuta boleh dihambur
Tunggu kau di padang nan luas tu nanti
Saat mulut ditutup rapat ndak disuruh untuk menjawab

Cuba kau hambur alasan masa tu
Cuba kau cakap ndak dapat solat Jumaat sebab ndak da kereta ke masjid
Cuba kau jawab kau tu sibuk sama kerja
Cuba kau jawab kan Allah tahu aku bukan sengaja

Alah macam yang selalu kau jawab time di dunia dulu.
Baru masa tu kita tinguk...siapa yang kena.

Selalu aku doa minta ditemukan dengan jodoh
yang boleh bimbing aku...
yang boleh bercinta kerana Dia...

Bosan aku dengan lelaki
yang hanya tahu dunia...
yang tidak peduli soal agama...

Aku memang bukan taraf alim ulama
dosa aku tinggi menggunung
aku tahu wanita yang baik untuk
lelaki yang baik

Aku bukan golongan baik itu
Aku jauh dari layak
untuk dapat lelaki yang baik

Biar berjuta kali aku dilahirkan semula
Semata2 untuk menghapus dosa
Aku rasa sebesar zarah pun ndak kan hilang

Tapi aku yakin Allah itu Maha Mendengar
Dia Maha Mengetahui apa yang tersirat di balik hati
setiap hamba ciptaan Nya

Sebab itu aku ndak putus panjatkan doa
Aku sudah bosan bercinta macam dulu
Jadi kabur sama hukum Nya
Memang bodoh...memang rugi

Biarlah ilmu agama kau wahai lelaki
ndak sekukuh mana...ndak sesempurna mana
cukup kalau kau ada usaha untuk mendalami
itu tanda aku dapat kau bimbing...

Selalu bermimpi untuk bina keluarga bahagia
di dunia & juga akhirat
yang hidup berdiri atas ajaran Islam

Insya Allah.

p/s #1: Lelaki itu merujuk secara am. Ndak kira lah kau sedarah sedaging aku or cuma orang luar, asal namanya kau lelaki.

p/s #2: Oit Lelaki, ndak malu kah kau ndak puasa tapi bila time raya kau yang sibuk antara paling sibuk. Siap bercanang2 raya ndak meriah tanpa baju baru. Alangkah untung siapa jadi pasangan kau...mesti happening raya pakai baju lip lap, kan? Hmm cemburu kah aku? Barangkali laaa.


Pink Therapy on Friday


Salam Jumaat semua...

How did ur Friday started? Mine started cool. Masih diberi peluang untuk hirup udara dunia...roh masih setia tinggal dalam badan nan usang; nikmat yang manusia selalu terlepas pandang. And I decided to write it down to remind myself; primarily.

Today resolution is to lessen the griping part. Macam berbakul keluhan aku buat stok lately. Perasan juga kebongokan tu tapi as usual remain jadi tongol. The ignorance character is just so hard to cease. Ha sila baca ayat super smart aku in which only kambing boleh approve logik.

Internet connection is getting poorer each day. So much of being the fastest broadband in Malaysia...bravo Celcom. Didn't know disconnecting the connection every minutes is part of the deal. No one told me that when I agreed to subscribe their service. Duh...nama pun taktik berniaga makcik oiii!!

Up to this minute, I'm trying my best to be extra patient. Ikut hati, lama sudah melayang modem nan kecil berwarna oren ni. Ugh no wonder, the color says it all.

Tu dia, sampai warna pun kau diskriminasi cik Err. Punyalah akal ko taraf orang dari zaman Mesolitik.

Erm didn't I say something about lessening the whining earlier? Memang hangat2 taik ayam tu intention kan. Mau dibaling kasut! Dikasi jadi taik ayam lagi bagus. Woot woot I surely need to learn on how to be well-defined with my words.

Let's forget about the super slow connection thing juga modem oren yang automatik jadi isu. Cuci mata with the pink stuffs below might be of worthy to the mood. Taman dalam hati instantly berbunga upon looking at them.

A gift from Singapore. My ex-boss gave this to me. Mr Rabbit has magnets attached at both his hands & legs.

'Stationeries' on my table in the office

My precious HD & newly purchased mouse

Pink bedroom; idaman sepanjang zaman.

How I wish my bedroom could be like this. But still,I am grateful with what I have now. Unlike those unfortunate people out there. Jangan bilang bilik, tiang rumah pun belum tentu ada. Belajarlah untuk ucap Alhamdulillah lebih kerap.

Kita disuruh lihat benda yang menyenangkan hati supaya kita akan sentiasa berbaik sangka. Yang buruk itu perlu juga supaya kita tidak mudah lupa tatkala kita bermandikan kesenangan.

26 August 2010

Kau; Kenangan Terindah

*Dari hati yang kerinduan*

Ku hanya terdaya menghalang lidah untuk ungkapkan kata
namun tiada daya untuk aku hentikan detik hati
yang seperti tidak mahu berhenti menyebut nama mu

Betapa rasa rindu ini membunuh
Pernah terlintas di benak
Akan sampaikah satu masa
aku tiada punya rasa ini lagi?

Bila rindu itu sudah sebati dengan aliran darah
Sudah seiring dengan setiap helaian nafas

Mana mungkin ia akan tiada...
Namun ketentuan Nya itu pasti
Aku hanya mampu merancang
kerana aku hamba Nya

Ku terima semua dengan penuh redha
Tidak semua yang diinginkan akan mampu dicapai
Andai tiada izin dari Nya

Yang tertulis untuk kita...seharusnya yang terbaik dari Dia.


Specially for u ChentaHati...moments with u are the greatest.

Lots of love;

25 August 2010

Sila Kau Sedar

Wahai cik Err...

dosa kau bertimbun di neraca pertimbangan sana.
Berhentilah menabung lagi. Apa perlu kau bimbang tentang dunia; semua sudah Dia katakan isi di dalamnya hanya perhiasan sementara. Hanya benda paling remeh.

Seharusnya paling sedikit yang perlu kau risaukan.

Bukan hidup namanya tanpa dugaan. Setiap yang beriman kepadaNya, tidak lari dari ujian. Jangan kau runsing tentang orang lain.

Sedang terhadap Yang Mencipta juga mereka khianati, apalagi terhadap kau yang setaraf manusia dengan mereka.

Hmm...
orang bilang jika kita tiada punya harga
jadinya tiada yang akan sibuk berkata tentang kita

Hmm...
orang bilang bila orang berhenti bercerita pasal kita
jadinya kewujudan kita sudah tiada kelihatan di mata mereka

Hmm...
orang bilang kalau dengki dendam sudah sebati dengan darah & daging
jadinya harus sudah dapat diteka perjalanan hidup mereka itu

Hmm...
orang bilang bila mahu membuat sesuatu yang Dia sukai
jadinya perlu bersedia untuk terima herdikan

Hmm...
orang bilang kalau berusaha mahu tunjukkan pada dunia
betapa kita ini betul
jadinya itu tanda paling jelas kita cuba tegakkan benang yang basah

kerana kebenaran itu tidak perlu dinyatakan dengan suara yang terpekik
masa akan tiba untuk ia memancarkan diri.

Hmm...
orang bilang jika kita sibuk tunjuk diri serba serbi
jadinya itu bukti kita sedang cuba sembunyikan cacat cela

Tanamkan dalam hati & minda cik Err...

kemanisan syurga itu tidak terperi. Indahnya ia tiada ungkapan dalam perkataan.

Lantas mengapa perlu kau risau tentang cerca maki dunia? Itu semua hanya sementara...lumrah sebuah kehidupan.

Belajar untuk telan pahitnya kerana hadiah yang bakal kau dapat di sana, jauh lebih baik dari segala isi dunia.

Of Aniki & non-fasting moi

Aku adalah dengan rasmi jatuh chenta ndak hengat dunia sama si kechil bernama Izz Mohamad Aniki bin Mohd Shahrizal. Couldn't he be any cuter?

That tiny gigit-able little creature tears my heart apart. I am truly deeply in love with him. Everything about him makes me go ga-ga. Ha amik kau kalau aku sudah start exaggerate cerita.

The parents doesn't allow anyone to upload Aniki's pic yet so I have to crop the pic taken by his Ammi tu panggilan Aniki untuk sang ibunda nya. That's the only part of Aniki that friends could see. Kejam kan sahabat gue bernama Ijal Sabah itu. Prior updating this blog, I've been warned by the mommy & reminded by the daddy that is not to publish any pic of Aniki on the web.

Aku yang menurut perintah lah kan. Harus hormat arahan request sang sahabat gitu.



Thanks to Mr. R yang hangat2 tahik ayam kunun mau pigi together-gether. Ended up...menanti dia dekat 1 hour di rumah sang IjaLyn. Didn't join them for the GCB supper session @Api2 though. I was super sleepy I don't think I could keep my eyes open any longer. Because I have the tendency to fall asleep even when I'm driving hence I had to hinder myself from joining them. Sia2 nanti jadi benda lain karang. Kalau aku sorang susah ndak pa, buatnya orang lain involve sama. Lagi haru hijau hidup terus.
blogger-emoticon.blogspot.com
Remember the mood swing thingy in my previous entry? Also the pimples attack? Well...as I said many times before, they ain't coming encroaching upon my life for nothing. They always come over 1 very important mission; without failed. To indicate the arrival of menses. Yes, u read it right peeps. I'm not fasting today due to the visit in which I assume will last for 7 days the most.

Pesta qada' puasa lah aku Syawal nanti. Sah2 rasa ndak meriah raya. How could I claim the victory is mine kalau di tengah jalan aku sudah wave surrendered flag. So literally, I lose the battle. Manisnya rahmat Syawal supposedly savored by those who fast; with the intention to seek for His redha...bukan puasa sebab memang itu yang diajar since kecil. Alkisah zaman sekarang, puasa nan ado tapi raya mau meletup meriah warna warni.

*sambil tinguk tatap diri sendiri depan cermin*

cik Err, puasa kau sempurna kah? Lengan baju kau tu bila mau dikasi panjang cover yang wajib ditutup? Sia2 puasa; penat tahan lapar haus segala tapi aurat kau tu tetap jadi tatapan umum. Di sana nanti, duluan tu jadi makanan api.

Sementara kesedaran & hidayah itu ada, sila preserve semuanya.

Kau; bukan golongan alim yang dapat hidayah secara langsung...kau; orang yang perlu mencari hidayah itu untuk menjadi lebih baik. Sila sedar diri dengan cepat ya...
*sesi main kasar dengan diri sendiri*

24 August 2010

Curhat-ing


Of all feelings I should be having right now...I don't know why on earth the heart & mind chose to only want to have one.

That is; missing you. I couldn't tell either on why the heart & mind sync this time.

Missing u is the last thing I should be thinking right now. But I just can't help it...ignoring the feeling will only left me pain-laden.

How I wish u were here with me. Not far apart like we are now. But Allah knows better. Never had once have I ever doubt on His plans. Despite how bitter the reality could be sometimes.

Ku yakin dengan janjiNya...setiap yang gelap pasti akan bertemu cahaya terang.

Ampun ya temen-temen

Lousy & procrastinator...the best attribute to describe me at this very moment. I am a lousy sister aunt to both my newly born anak buah(s); Zara & Aniki. Haven't meet these both beautiful creatures yet despite the endless promises I gave to their parents. Sila tahu, plan sikit punya banyak tapi execution nan ado. Itulah cik Err. Let's just say...belum ada jodoh bertemu mereka as yet. Ketentuan Allah; berjumpa juga tu nanti. Ngeh~~

By the way, Aariz @ Boy is an exception though because there's no way I will be able to see & bite him without having a flight ticket to Kolumpur. Ever since he was born, I got more info about him from his mommy's blog. The bliss of technology. I super heart internet! Tetiber nyer!

Pray I will get the chance to accomplish my goal for tonight. Together with Mr. R; we'll invade a house in Taman Gaya right after terawih. Insya Allah.

Jika niat itu baik, Allah sentiasa ada menerangi jalan mu.

23 August 2010

Attention to my YS Ladies; alkisahnyer

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Ohooo...dugaan puasa. Aku sudah jadi pengunjung setia; tempat tinggal si setan. Or also known as the loo a.k.a toilet a.k.a tandas. Dehydration is what I fear right now. I've been going in & out the loo every 5 freaking minutes. I feel like not wanting to walk just to get myself to the loo...can I just crawl? Drink only a cup of coffee during sahur but based on my visit to the loo it seems as if I've swallowed gallons of plain water. ugh There are times I wanted to just stay & sit in the toilet until the clock says it's iftar already.
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Going to & fro the loo is some kind of daily 'task' for me. But not during Ramadhan. Hari biasa, I took my coffee macam orang kebulur addicted to caffeine. During the fasting month, I cut down my intake. 2 cups daily instead of 5-6 cups in normal months. Sekali time ni pula menggila untuk urination. Haru biru air laut.

Nothing much happened today. Life sails pretty much just like any other ordinary days. Still breathing...still kicking...
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So much things to do in this holy month. How I wish I could freeze this month to make it stay a bit longer. Fasting is some kinda exercise not only for the body but also for the soul. I have quite big an intention to make Ramadhan this year extra special; solely for me. God's willing, amin.
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I pray hard to be a better person. Itu lah rahmat sebenar Ramadhan untuk jiwa manusia. Menjadi lebih baik dari yang sebelumnya. Kalau masih tang tu juga...memang sah lah tiada perubahan. Sah itu bukti aku hanya berpuasa...pahala yang dapat nan ado except for penat. Alangkah rugi.
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Breaking fast session with my YS ladies crossed my mind just now. It's our annual ritual in which to be held soon. Annual sangat; padahal baru jak start like 2 years back because before ni semua busy & was staying far apart from each other.

Had our iftar session last year at Medan Selera, Tg Aru.



Will contact them yang berada around KK area ONLY to set date asap. Nanti semua berpulangan kampung halaman baru keharuan sana. Venue is yet to be confirm later. And I was thinking of an iftar session after MagPra. Means, semua balik rumah wangi2...perform yang wajib dulu...baru ngedate. Since terawih boleh perform up until before SuPra, I guess that shouldn't be a problem to us. Ndak kan juga ngedate sampai embun jantan pagi turun sembah bumi, kan.

Miss Kizzy & Miss Zai should be inform earlier. Sebab diorang ni antara member yang super busy & schedule ala pack gitu. Need their confirmation prior to other members. Ms. Finiey wouldn't be able to join this year I guess...orang sarat perut mau meletup deliver sudah. She has been unwell during her pregnancy...sian kawan hyperactive ku itu.
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Gotta hit the sack now. Bloody sleepy I could feel the ground I'm standing is as soft as the cotton.

Usah risau apa diperkata orang tentang diri. Kerana tidak kau jadi bahan cerita andai dirimu tiada harga. Jangan cuba untuk hentikan kerana itu hakikat alam.

22 August 2010

Sujud syukur atas rahmatNya

Couldn't fulfill my promise I made in my previous entry. That was to reveal what the bffs & I did in Ranau. Most of the pics I took are with Jess because I used her camera. The pics in Blackie are mostly taken by Mel. I'll get them upload once I got the pics from Jess.

Hmm let's just break the news...minta puji giler mau berahsia lah bagai tujuan pigi Ranau. Like; u really think people would care? Serious answer? Honestly? Yes...aku perasan orang mau tau. Kepala diangkat sambil kening berjungkit2.

Here it goes...1 of the PPGs member; our beloved Miss Heldah Galambun @ c Ida is now officially engaged to Poser's youngest member; the cool Mr Melario Stephen @ c Chubby. So happy for both of them. Like; happy giler. The discussion went well...same goes to the exchange ring session in which I didn't get to witness. Sorry u both. Went up to Grunge's room during the prayer session & without sedar I feel asleep on the sofa. Woken up to the sound of Laura's voice...asking how am I doing.

Us ladies; the penyibuk with Grunge (far left)

I must have been pretty tired. Decided to not go back to sleep after the sahur at 3am although Laura & Jess fetched me at 630am. Kalau aku terbabas tidur pingsan orang tunggu aku bersiap. Perhaps the 2 hours journey exhaust me...sila tahu, gue nggak laper cuma capek dikit. But worry not, for friends like them...all is worthy.

Grunge & urs truly at Unang + Syl's wedding mass. Jadi usherette terus dapat berkat, right.

The newly engaged couple. Pic taken last year during Unang+Syl's post wed celebration @Cempaka.

Congrats u both on the engagement. It surely ain't easy to get where u're at now...hence, I hope u both keep those moments close to heart. We're super happy for ur new status & will pray the best for u both; all the time. Kamurang sangat cute...sangat suit to each other. sigh Words just couldn't explain how we truly feel for u both.

Anyhow, let's us start counting for the big day already. We so can't wait to see u wearing the wedding gown. Ok, cut the excitement as yet for we still have 2 weddings to count before urs. Jac + Leon's & Jess + Keggy's; both next month. More photo sessions...more gathering with the bffs...I is feeling delirious. Agitated. What bliss life I have!

On the way back from Ranau, few kilometers before reaching home...something occurred. In which I called 2nd highlights of the day. A scene that have been engraved distinctly in my mind; for the rest of my life. See pic below.

Car broke down just on time we reached Tamparuli.

Spine-chilling fact to be told, the clutch lining's has long dried out. But it got worst on our way down back to KK from Ranau. Lagi teruk when we found out that not only the lining dried out, the water tank was dry empty as well. Our life are surely at stack...but none of us are aware of that.

Above all, I praise the Lord above for His blessings. Truly am for without His mercy, I don't think we could return home in 1 piece. And we travelled back & forth between Ranau & KK; with no injury...no bruises...no wounds...no nothing.

Upon getting stranded, we worried for nothing but our safety. Well except for Jess though; whose heart beat uneven from the moment we found out about the cause of the breakdown. Takut giler kena marah sama the beloved fiance. Turned out, semua sia2. As expected, Keggy worried more about her than the car. As if we didn't tell her that. Duigia.

Note: Jess DQ lebih dari aku. Like Grunge said; my DF's radar ain't work everytime Jess is around.

Nasib the side road that we chose to 'get stranded' was strategic enough. Tepi rumah owner workshop gitu. Some might call it coincidence but I still chose to believe that it has all been written in the book of life. God knows what's best for us...and I took what happened yesterday as a lesson for all of us. Perlu jadi extra careful next time. That's the hikmah beneath all this.

I break my fast at the side of the road; in the stranded car. We stopped by at Nabalu Lodge before heading back to KK. Bought drink just in case ndak sempat sampai KK on time. Yang mana memang betul ndak sempat.

After some nego & cot cet with Uncle Yong a.k.a house cum workshop owner...Jess decided to leave her car at his house. Marah giler budak2 towing whom Uncle Yong called earlier when Jess refused her car to be towed. Over firm order from Keggy it was.

Reliable brother of mine took us to 1B where we separated. Pity the brother...travelled all the way from Sepanggar to Tamparuli together with his girlfriend. After being sure that the car will be fine*sebab mula tu ingat air jak punya kereta jadi panas & ndak dapat jalan*...he went off only to let me called & asked him to drive back to us. The 3 ladies went back home...while moi, teruskan usaha cari makan.

Well I guess that's it about my bless & bliss yet filled with highlights Saturday. Bertemu kita di lain warkah. Sekian. Bang head on the wall for being tongol with words.

I hope u have a bright Sunday although the weather says the opposite since morning. It's been gloomy...sometimes raining, sometimes it drizzles. Still I am grateful, nonetheless.

Tidak henti ku ucap syukur pada Mu ya Allah...begitu banyak dosa ku himpun, namun masih rahmat Mu tidak putus untuk ku. Kerdil ku rasa diri ini...sungguh aku tahu tidak layak semua itu aku peroleh tapi Kau lebih tahu dari sekalian ciptaan Mu. Syukran Allah.

21 August 2010

Ku Tunduk Akur pada Mu...


Syukur alhamdulillah. Early this week, mengeluh sama diri sendiri perihal isu financial management yang terlebih urus. And marah sekali sebab selalu jadi pintar semenjak dua menjak ni. And yesterday, before heading back home dapat durian runtuh hasil catering. Syukran syukran ya Allah.

Wasn't being ungrateful for the rezeki from Allah...but it's more to warning myself to stick to plan(s) I've made. That is to save more & spend less. What I did this month was far from what I've set. Padan muka sebab lupa diri. Mata ndak pernah ndak rambang. Kan senang cakap kau tu spendthrift tahap gaban.

Anyhow, I'll be leaving for Ranau early this morning. Right after SuPra that is. Jess will be the designated driver...while the other sisters; Laura, Mel & urs truly are the loyal passengers. I am so gonna doze off during the 2 hours journey. Tujuan utama pigi highland tu di musim puasa ni? That I will only reveal once everything has settle. Through pics it will be. Macam kunun aku ni mau pigi meminang orang kan...oh yang tu kalau Dia izinkan, jauh lagi langkah aku. Bukan di Ranau pun. Worst case now, I don't have any idea what bloody baju to wear.

Mood swing rise up quite frequent since yesterday. I can't really tell what's the cause. I sweat; practically over everything include the small matters. Betul2 rasa macam men-swing & di-swing. Dugaan puasa kan...kalau dapat tahan marah & be patient di kala diri sedang lapar/dahaga insya Allah I will get to pull away anything more better di bulan2 lain. Perlu giat practice in order to become a calm person.

Mau amal sunnah Rasulullah SAW...sebab aku bukan orang yang bebas dari dosa. Nabi yang memang sah masuk syurga pun masih kejar rahmat & redha Allah...ini pula aku yang memang sah muka hitam berpalit arang kesan berjuta kali dibakar di akhirat nanti.

Bila marah or rasa hati ada bara, swallow the anger. Forgive. And lastly, pray. Jangan kau doa yang macam bangang cik Err, tu serupa kau doakan kebinasaan diri sendiri. Doa kena yang baik so as to mirror ur heart's content.

Need to sign off now. Mandi, solat & get ready. I hope they won't be late. And moga kami tempuh perjalanan yang selamat pergi & balik. Insya Allah.

Segalanya di bawah kekuasaan Nya...manusia merancang, Dia menentukan. Apa sahaja yang Dia tentukan untuk hamba Nya, ia adalah yang terbaik kerana Dia lebih mengetahui.

20 August 2010

Ugh...pimples & menses please go.

Pimples attack ya'll. In their previous attack before...the forehead has always been their target area. And today there's no exception too. I'm waiting for that 1 reddish small spot to appear on my left cheek...yang tu memang without fail dia exist. Suke benor ngan spot tu.

I've been having this weird mood swing since Weds. Obviously, hormone is in imbalance phase currently. Oh please menses...don't tell me u'r gonna visit me AGAIN in this month. Banyak lah hutang puasa aku ni tahun. Insya Allah...ndak dapat nikmat puasa, aku pasti Allah akan gantikan dengan nikmat yang lebih baik. Kena baik sangka dengan Dia.

Petang ni ada catering. ~200 pax of students & lecturers to be serve. Buffet style. Alhamdulillah, rezeki tetap ada. Ramadhan bulan untuk beribadah...kurangkan cari duit because Allah has given us the remaining 11 months to do so. Jadi biarlah bulan nan 1 ni dihiasi dengan amal ibadat. Right?

Since the students have booked our service...sekaligus bersedekah. Biar sikit tapi kualiti tu ada. Insya Allah aku doa Dia redha dengan yang sedikit tu. Jadi itu jawapan mana tempat aku sungkai hari ni. As usual...di cafe lah juga. Jimat kan. Semua pun free. Ndak payah keluar duit...jadi ndak lah pembaziran berlaku.

Hmm got to go now. Mau continue baca blog KeretaMayat. Cuci mata & tambah ilmu...barulah ndak sia2 Jumaat aku.

And before I end this entry, mau buat pesanan untuk orang2 yang claim diri dorang paling sedih di dunia. Up to the extent, suicide is the only resort they have.

Di alam kubur, 40, 000 tahun adalah masa paling singkat untuk manusia tinggal di dalamnya. Itupun untuk manusia yg terakhir sekali mati.

Itulah hari yg paling sedih dan tiada sudah daya penawar lagi yg dapat tolong bila sudah jadi mayat. Jadi sebelum korang jadi mayat yg sedih, baik korang belajar jadi manusia yg tak bersedih. *courtesy of KeretaMayat*

19 August 2010

Oh yeah...


Filled my Wednesday evening with Grunge & Rio. We watched The Expendables; as planned. From my point of view, TE is just so-so. I enjoyed watching the actions...the explosions...the fights...but that's all about it. Come to question about the motif; I can't really voice my point out. Because for me, it's simply motiveless. As per Rio told us last night...it's a classic action movie. So much of being classic, huh. Obviously, TE focus more on the actions rather than the storyline itself.


Nevermind though because the main reason I wanna watch this flick is because of him; My Mr. Transporter. With his British accent *which he tried to hide in this movie* & sexy serious expression...how could I resist to not watch him on the big white screen? Jiwa aku cair jadi pink ok.

Please ignore the sayur pahit us. Rio was trying his best to not be seen in the last pic. Malu taik kucing kunun...padahal. Ntah apa jak kebongosan merasuk kami bah. Act ur age please ladies. Bah memang sudah underage, apa mau buat kan.

Anyways, congrats to my best guy friend Mr. Ijal & the wife Ms. Lyn on their new born baby boy early this morning. Our close friends called the little boy; dattebayo aniki. Duh, ndak ku tahu maknanya tu. Aku ni mengikut panggil jak. I'm more to Korean than Japanese, remember? Was planning to visit the new brand parents after work. But had to cancelled because I reached home nearly 830pm. Gedebak gedebuk...mau jam 9 baru aku depart dari rumah. So inappropriate to visit the baby di tengah malam...mesti the parents pun mau rest awal.

Note to NORMAN: Sila paham kesulitan gue...hihihi masih kau dibanned ah.

Therefore, this Sunday will be the day I'm gonna meet my latest nephew; Aniki. Since the parents haven't named him yet, I'll go with Aniki then. If I'm not mistaken, aniki stands for big bro. Takuya Kimura played Halusatonaka role in Pride...he was called Aniki by 1 of his teammate who sees Halu as his idol. Hence I infer the meaning myself...based on the movie itself. Jadi Japanese mobile dictionary gitu.

No picture of Aniki as yet because the parents restrict any publishing of his pic. Not even MMS. Punya main minta puji! And they said if I wanted to see his face then I have to go meet Aniki in person...it's all or nothing. ugh ugh

And ooh congrats to my beloved friend Mommy Leny on her new born baby girl as well. Baby Zara Nur Aludra Titingan binti Abu Zarin was born on the 1st of August. Baik kan aunty nya, sekarang baru sibuk mau wish. She's 18days old already cik Err. Erm what took u so long to convey ur wish? Sorry ampun ya Mommy Leny. Insya Allah aku datang gigit peluk cium Zara nanti ah. Hadiah nya masih cute bersimpan di seat belakang kereta...ntah bila sampai sama tuan puteri cilik tu.

Does it not clear to u by now...cik Err definitely is love being a procrastinator. That's the first best thing she could do; ever.

Wahai la Zara...I'm sure u smell real good. Tunggu aunty gigit kau ya. Nama mu jak sudah bikin aunty lapar.

Anugerah terindah dari Nya...amanah yang perlu dijaga. Kelak di akhirat akan ditanya tentang amanah itu.

First Night


Ha sudah...jangan kau fikir aku gatal menikah sampai mau buat entry dengan tajuk di atas. Takde makne nye joyah oii! Kureng pahala puasa kalau fikir bukan2. *Mode: Minta puji berSemenanjung slang*

Alkisah; di awal pagi aku siapkan surat cinta sama Bendahari uni ni. Note: Aku memang suka bagi surat cinta sebab aku ndak mau tambah kusut whenever Bungsu ask about the payment for the unpaid catering service(s). Rasa dada torn into pieces bila disoal. As if makan gaji buta kalau kerja nan sikit pun ndak dapat settle.

Sudah siap semua kerja suddenly jiwa macam rasa mau minum something that could polish iman dalam diri. Since I've got nothing else to do...using tiubkau[dot]com, I began searching for more of Ustaz Kazim's ceramah. Aku memang suka giler dengar ceramah dia sekarang ni. And thanks to technology as well...bila aku ndak berapa clear in understanding his ceramah, I could play it repeatedly anytime & I want. Walau berjuta kali.

*balik ke tajuk entry*

Sikit pasal ceramah:

Tunang: Kematian
Tarikh Ijab: Wallahualam
Tok Kadi: Malaikat Izrail
Pelamin: Liang lahad
Tetamu: Ulat2 & kala jengking

I just love it when the ustaz used something like a figure of speech to refer to something that could suggest a similarity. Metaphor.

Tajuk ceramah beliau yang aku dengar sebentar tadi was Seruling Nabi Daud. It consists of 6 parts. 10 minutes for each part. In the last part, baru keluar ayat pasal Malam Pertama. Hold ur excitement fikir benda yang tongol ok. Or more better, vanish the thought. Since aku ni sangat ndak cekap bab buat review...jadi silakan dengar ceramah tu sendiri ya.


There are lots more of his speeches in the web...in which aku memang gigih download. Jiwa aku kalau dengar sekat2...came afternoon, di ofis ni memanjang streaming jak lah. Buffering segala. Ugh.

Ada misi untuk diri sendiri. Bukan misi untuk dapat duit lebih...it worth more than that. No wealth in the world could every buy it. Insya Allah, when I set good intention Allah will guide the way. This year banyak kematian among family members. Yet tidak sepenuh pengajaran aku hayati kematian itu. Rasa insaf & sedar datang tapi ndak pernah mahu diteruskan. Ada jak alasan.

Aku mahu berhenti jadi gila mengejar dunia...mahu lebih serius hal dosa pahala...mahu sentiasa dekat dengan Dia. Aku pasti akan terkorban untuk mendapat semua itu...diri pasti akan merasa sakit; but there is no gain without pain, right? Tiap pengorbanan pasti ada ganjaran...tidak di dunia, di akhirat sana. Itu janji Allah. Semua pun dalam pengetahuan Nya, there won't occur situation as overlook during the Judgement Day.

Mujahadah itu pahit, kerana syurga itu manis. Nafsu itu tampak indah, sedangkan neraka itu tidak terperi azabnya."

18 August 2010

Its Expendables evening with friends


Kens was discharged this morning. Fetched her at the clinic although she hasn't fully recovered. Mother sent me to the cafe so basically I'm car-less till evening. I'll be having iftar here; at the cafe. Together with Bungsu, cousins & mother as well. Might be going to the param at Indah Permai...kek batik jadi sasaran kali ni.
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Ntah apa menu ni petang. Macam ndak ketahuan sudah apa kunun mau dimakan. I am literally spoil with choices! Alhamdulillah ya Allah for the endless gifts. I'm trying my best to not waste any food in this holy month. And hoping this will continue not only in Ramadhan. Insya Allah.

Tonight I'm going out with Grunge & Rio. Since it's Weds so I guess movie session is not a bad idea. Alkisah ticket kan murah. But this shall come with condition. IsPra & T harus dilaksanakan dulu. The Expendables is what we're gonna watch. Note: Grunge, I spelt it right this time. And definitely gonna redeem the voucher from Starbucks* I got last Mon. Hadiah sebab buat baik. Poyo.
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I'm not sure yet where will we invade. Halfly excited to watch movie at G*SC though for they no longer sell my ever fav 19*01. The girl at the counter in S*uria Sabah once told me, it's been a while since they last order the stock. Like, wth? Itu local produk yang sah2 halal ok...ndak kan mau banned juga. Are we not suppose to support anak bangsa buat bisness? Orang oversea nun jauh pun kenal brand ni tau. I hope the G*SC team in KK could explain this matter, asap. Aku kangen gila. Walau tahu ada kiosk di Warisan but it will be such a waste of time if I were to stop by before heading to the cinema. Kan senang kalau sekalian dijual 1 tempat...baru orang bilang marketing skill tip top. Wah memandai di situ.

Hmm...hati falls into deep dilemma lately. I'm torn between the ultimatum I've previously gave myself. Worst part is at this very moment, I bloody not know how to think let alone decide. Suka rarify benda simple...adding to the already 'aching' mind.

Sila belajar untuk tenang cik Err.

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